Post # 1
So I’m looking to you ladies for some advice and ideas on how I can make my stepmom feel included and a part of the family on the wedding day. Some back story…my mom passed away when I was 17 and my dad began dating my now stepmom when I was 20 and 5 years later (this past August) they got married. We get along well enough and I have tried to include her in the wedding day planning and I know that my Maid/Matron of Honor has included her in bridal shower planning.
So first off…I think this is the first time I have ever even written/said “stepmom” rather than my dad’s wife because I just really don’t consider her to be somebody who “raised” me. So do you all think it is ok to have my dad and her introduced at the reception as “the father of the bride C and his wife S” ??? I really don’t feel comfortable with them being announced as just “Mr. & Mrs.” because to me that is like she is the MOB. Am I just being crazy picky?!?
So even though I don’t want people to think she is the MOB, I also wanted her to feel included…any suggestions on how to do that?? I already decided that I am going to give her a corsage…and maybe have her son or my brother walk her down the aisle. I just don’t know and need help!
Thanks in advance!!!
Post # 3
It’s definitely okay to have her and your father introduced as “father of the bride C and his wife S.” You could always confirm it with your dad (or with her, if you feel comfortable) to make sure you won’t be stepping on any toes. Giving her a corsage and having her son or your brother escort her to her seat are great ways to include her in the ceremony. If you’re having programs, I’d list her in them. Also, if you’re taking posed family portraits, I’d include her in a couple.
I’m from a blended family too, and I know that it can make wedding planning tricky – you sound like you don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone’s feelings 🙂 You could check with your dad to see if she has any expectations of how she would like to be included. Ultimately, you should only do what feels right to you, but if there’s something that she’s interested participating in, and you don’t mind her being a part of it, all the better. Good luck!
Post # 4
I’m in a similar situation, as my mother passed when I was twelve and my Dad remarried when I was 15. However, my situation is a bit different, because as I get older I realize how much I needed my step-mom as a mother figure.
With that being said, I definately think that giving her a corsage would be a great gesture. I know that even that will mean a lot to her. Anything that even resembles honoring my step-mom as a mother figure makes her get all teary-eyed.
In all honestly, the only people you are worried about thinking she is the MOB is your FI’s family. If you are doing anything in rememberance of your mother – like in the program or a candle – then your FI’s family will learn soon enough your step-mom’s position in the family. Otherwise, it doesn’t really matter what they think. My in-laws know my step-mom is not my mom, but they refer to her as my mom anyways. It took me a while to get over it, but it’s not worth correcting mid-conversation.
I think you are okay having her be introduced as mr & mrs or as father of the bride and wife/step-mother. Either way is fine. It sounds like your step-mom has been pretty understanding of your relationship, I think she would be okay with whatever you decide to do.
Just don’t worry about what your FI’s family thinks about who’s who. The people in his family you are close with already know about your situation and the rest who don’t? Well, by the time you see them again, they will have probably forgotten already.
Post # 5
@MissPunkin: First off, let me say …It is so thoughtful that you are considering her. Giving her a corsage, I think is good and I hope that ever other bee out there that has a step mom follows your example. I think it’s just the right thing to do.
Secondly, having someone walk her down the aisle…another sweet gesture that I, for one, would really appreciate and it would make me feel like I am some small part of your life. Kudos to you!
Thirdly, what about announcing your dad and step mom like this…”Introducing the father and step mother of the bride, Mr. and Mrs. XYX.” The reason I like this is because, it is in fact their names and it identifies and acknowledges the relationship that exists between you, your dad, and your step mom. I can understand you not wanting or feeling comfortable yet about calling her your step mom. It took me YEARS to refer to my step father as such. For me, I think I wasn’t referring to him as my step dad because so long as I did, he wasn’t. And I know HE knew I wasn’t calling him my step dad because I didn’t like him! To be sure your step mom doesn’t get that vibe, refer to her by the title she is, “step mom.” Of course, if you are really uncomfortable with that, for this day, don’t even worry about it. Refer to her in a manner that YOU are comfortable with. This is YOUR day. You can “grow into” your relationship with her LATER (if you choose to).
Out of curiosity, can I ask a question of you? Where will you have your step mom sit during your ceremony? No one has mentioned where they plan on putting me during my step daughter’s wedding. And I’d just like to know. These step families situations can sure be tough. It sounds like you are handling things so considerately! You should be proud!
Post # 6
My husband and his stepmom have much the same situation. We got her a corsage and made sure she was included always as family, just never as his “mother.” And honestly, she’s okay with all of that – she told me she’s worked really hard over the years not to put herself forward as a replacement for their mom, so she was really okay being my FIL’s wife at the wedding.
The wording can be tricky. In our wedding announcement in the paper, we listed DH as the son of Father-In-Law Smith of Townville, NC and the late Jane Smith. But we were careful to list Father-In-Law and S-MIL as cohosts of the rehearsal dinner.