Post # 1
I am at a loss with how to make all my bridesmaids feel included and able to do things will all of them. I have 5 total and they all have conflicting schedules.<br />My Maid/Matron of Honor is a stay at home mom who also babysits her neice during the day, you would think she would be available, but it’s difficult because her 3 children are all very young.<br />One bridesmaid lives about 2 hours north, one works every day from 2-1030, one is in nursing school, and one lives about an hour south and has a family and full time job of her own to take care of.
For our engagement party (it was short notice, I will admit) only one could come. I understood but a lot of them felt bad that they coudln’t make it.
Now it is about time to pick out and get sized for their dresses and it is impossible to find a day that they could all get togher to do this with their schedules, and mine. (I work night shift and the closest bridal store is a 45minute drive from home. Plus it is open during the hours I am usually asleep, along with I only have 1 weekend off a month). I feel like it would be rude to set an appointment that only 1 or 2 can make it to and tell the others to go get sized another day and hope that they like the dress that they didn’t have much say in..
Ultimately it is up to me what the dresses look like, but I don’t want any of them to feel left out because these are all my close friends and their opinnions matter!!
Post # 2
bmaus1493: I had my bridesmaids go try on dresses on their own. Sometimes, you just can’t do everything together, even if you really want to. They’re grown people that have their own stuff to take care of. They may have other priorities other than your wedding ( ie your friend with young children.. it’s impossible to do things with kids around, amd your friend has 3 of them X_X)
If you really insist on including everyone, you can set a date to try on dresses to narrow it down to 3 dresses and set another date to pick your final one. That way everyone will have seen your dress and contributed some sort of input. Not ideal, but hey, it’s better than nothing!
Post # 3
Do they NEED to go and try on dresses? You can send them pictures of any and every dress that you like and get their opinions. If they need to try it on they will let you know. You still have 7 months if your date of May 2015 is correct. My bridesmaids didn’t go try on dresses. They all saw it online and agreed they liked it. They can get measured at their local tailor/cleaners. I think you are making it into something bigger than it needs to be.
Post # 4
Can you make two appointments and have them pick one to go to? I don’t think that they will be offended if you can only go with one or two of them when the schedules are so hard to work.
Post # 5
bmaus1493: For my best friend’s wedding which had 6 BMs, myself and the maid of honor (I was her HS bff, this chick was her college BFF – all of us friends for years… I digress) went to try on bridesmaid dress and took pictures of EVERYTHING we tried on. Then she and I narrowed it down to about 5 or 6 dresses. From there, the bride chose the style and everything. It worked really well. This might be a consideration. Sometimes several opinions in one setting turns out to be counter productive.
Also, we all lived all over the place but made a few outings together around the time of the wedding so we all felt included.
I hope this helps even if it’s not the perfect answer.
Post # 6
These factors need not be a barrier to their participation. You can text or email pics, or just choose a color, fabric and length from one designer and let them choose their own dresses.
If you are comfortable with a more mismatched look, you can simply choose a color or colors and turn them loose to pick their own dresses. They can send you pics before they finalize their purchase.
Post # 7
I work at a boutique and had a bride in a similar situation. She only had one local bridesmaid the others were scattered. She came in with her one bridesmaid to try on dresses and I showed them ones that would work for all body types and fit the girls’ agreed budget. She texted and skyped the other girls who all helped make the descision with the one Bridesmaid or Best Man “modeling”. She ended up choosing two styles one strapless and one with straps and it was her bridesmaids responibilty to come by or call in their order by a certain date.
From the sykping I heard none of the girls felt left out.
Post # 8
bmaus1493: I, and 3 of my 5 bridesmaids work a rotating 12 hour shift pattern. And not the same shift, either. I understand! The other 2 – 1 lives overseas and is 13, she’s my FI’s goddaughter, the other is my MOH/sister who was finishing her PhD at university 2 hours away from the rest of us.
Coordinating schedules was a nightmare. I managed to do it in 2 visits (half came one time, half came the other). Everyone saw the dress and tried it on before we ordered, except the Jr Bridesmaid and a Groomswoman (who both won’t see it or try it on until 3 days before the wedding.)
I went back in 2 shifts with all the girls to get the dresses ordered. It took a while.
What worked for us – I took my Maid/Matron of Honor out once to get an idea of what I liked and wanted. Then I went with 2 of the girls to try on dresses, keeping the others in mind (one of my bridesmaids has modesty requirements we had to meet.) We found the only dress on the planet that I think would work (I love it.) Then I went back with the other two of the bridesmaids so they could try on the dress before we ordered it.
Honestly, this was why I wanted to tell them to buy any long black dress and be done with it. But they wanted to wear the same dress. It was a total PITA. But its done. The dress is awesome. The colour (red) is beautiful and everyone will look gorgeous on the big day. And that has made all the running around worth it.
Edited – It was actually 3 visists I guess. The first time the Maid/Matron of Honor and I went we also tried on wedding dresses and my mum got her MOB dress. So it wasn’t really all about the bridesmaids. We did 2 trips for all the local BMs to see it. And then 2 trips to get them sized and ordered after the fact. So I guess it was actually 5 visits from start to finish.
Post # 9
In my opinion is entirely too much work and pressure to make everyone come shop for a BMs dress. No one cares, they just want to make you happy. Democracy is annoying, just pick a dress and ask for measurements, or pick color/s + fabrics and let them pick the style. Shop with the one or two BMs who can make it. I have BMs all over the country and I keep them looped in via a private FB group. I post a pic of an idea and they’re like yayyyy! That’s it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
All my BMs live far away from me and each other. I ended up going shopping with each one individually, except one of the girls who was just too far away. I spoke to her on the phone instead. It all worked out. I got to see the dress on 2 out of 3 of them. They all said they liked it. I don’t think everyone needs to be there when you make a decision.
For my SIL’s wedding, I went dress shopping with her and one of the other BMs. We all agreed on a dress. A few weeks later, the bride changed her mind and sent me a text with info on how to order the new dress. She never even saw me in it. It didn’t matter. Everything worked out then too.
Post # 11
bmaus1493: Are they all wearing the same dress? Or are they picking styles of their own?
If it is all the same dress, I would take whoever you think will be most difficult to fit (for example, is anyone plus size, weird body type, etc) and choose a dress that looks good on them. Most likely, if it looks good on them, you can tell that it will be good on everyone (think a-line, flowy, nothing too tight or revealing).
If they’re choose their own styles (I did same designer, color, length but they chose different cuts), I would try to go with girls individually, or have them go separately.
Post # 12
If the bridesmaids are as busy as you describe they probably won’t mind not having to take the time for dress shopping. If you can you might want to go with an option where you pick a color and they can pick from a few different styles. Or you can also consider their body types yourself and whether it will be okay on them. Or pick a top two or three and email out pictures for the girls to vote or discuss.
Post # 13
I had a similar scenario. There are other ways you can make your BMs feel included – ask one to organise particular hair styles, have one a company you to your dress fittings, florist, making favours etc. I’d send a message round saying what you have just told us, clarifying that you’re aware of busy schedules but want to make sure everyone feels included.
I got my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses from Marks and Spencer – they do multiway dresses in many different colours (only available online). I saw them, loved them, my Maid/Matron of Honor loved them so I messaged the other girls who liked them as well. Success! I went with my Maid/Matron of Honor to pick them, she modelled it while I took photos and I sent them to the others. They’re all happy with their dress 🙂
Post # 14
Thanks guys. To answer a few of you, I want everyone in the same dress and color, except the Maid/Matron of Honor who will be in a seperate color. (Our colors are silver and iris, everyone in silver except Maid/Matron of Honor in iris).
I think I will just pick a dress and have them all go alone, but any that would like me to accompany them to see it in person (schedules permitting) I wil say I am more than happy to come.
Every wedding I’ve been in has had the bridesmaids all gather and try on and pick out dresses together, but you are right, it does not have to be that way if it is too difficult.