(Closed) including my stepmother

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Have you talked with either your mom or stepmother about this? Maybe they have some suggestions to ease the situation. If you don’t want to talk to them first, I agree with your idea.

Post # 5
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Has your mom ever said anything about your stepmom being involved as a bigger part in the wedding? Do they get along, or are they at least civil to each other?

Edit: Sorry, you replied while I was typing. I would keep your stepmom involved, but maybe in a different way. Nothing that “ranks” your parents, just different duties. Step or not, she is still one of your parents. I also have a stepmother (mine is only of like 5 years) and I wouldn’t dream of not involving her.

Post # 7
6545 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can relate. I’m acutally closer to my stepmom than I am my mom, and it was important that my mom didn’t upstage my stepmom.

My dad/stepmom have been married for 14 years, and I lived with them all through high school & college. I consider her to have played a key role in raising me during my teenage years (my mom moved out of state and I chose to live with dad instead of move with her). They live down the street from me & Darling Husband, and we see them several times a week. They have a 13 year old together, and we’re all really close. My sister was in the wedding.

I treated them both as mother of the bride. They both were escorted in and sat in the front row, and they both got a corsage. I let them both choose what they wanted to wear, as they have very different styles. 

My mom is a big personality, and no problems just jumping right into things. My stepmom is more reserved and hangs in the background. I made sure my BMs all made it a point to really keep my stepmom included during thigns like bridal showers and getting ready. I didn’t want her to be lost in the shadows. 

As for seating. Our front row conisted of my dad, stepmom, brother’s Girlfriend (as the buffer), mom, and her Boyfriend or Best Friend.

During dinner each set of parents got their own table…so dad/stepmom, mom/bf, and DH’s divorced parents each got their own tables. We let them choose who they would like to have at their tables.

Post # 9
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I think a corsage is a nice idea.  You are close with your stepmom and your mom can’t fault you for that.  Idk, maybe if you want to dance with your mom after you dance with your dad, she would like that?  Idk if that’s too weird for you, though.

Post # 10
6545 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsElliott:  Wow, we have A LOT of similarities. My stepmom is “all about me” in terms of telling me to do whatever made me the happiest. I invited her to go dress shopping, but she opted out. Partly because it’s not her thing, and partly because I think she probably didn’t want to ruffle feathers. I didn’t ask my mom to go at all.

In fact, my stepmom actually had a little meltdown at one point because I had her walking into the ceremony first and she was worried my mom wouild be upset about it. I told her it was my day, and I wanted her to walk in first. 

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