Including some children, excluding others.

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
12322 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Children should never be there as a prop for the ceremony. Being in the wedding party is just a special honor given to a child who would have been invited no matter what. 

Post # 17
656 posts
Busy bee

I think it makes sense to have the three year old who is your ring bearer present, it doesn’t mean you need to automatically include every child relative. 

Now, if you are inviting children from every family except the terror children, that could be seen as pretty rude.

But if the three year old is the only child in attendance, I think you’re perfectly within your rights to make an exception for him. If the other couple asks, just say you’re child-free except the one child who is in your wedding. 

Post # 18
7 posts
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think for your situation inviting just the child that is in the wedding party is perfectly fine. 

Post # 20
4605 posts
Honey bee

As long as they aren’t in the same family, it is fine (i.e. you want to invite the 5 year old but exclude his brother).  It’s all or nothing with respect to kids from a single family unit, but it is not all or nothing with respect to every child you know or are related to.  And the 3 year old must be invited if you are having him in the wedding party.  It’s not like you at inviting literally every child in both of your families except these two.

Post # 21
12322 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

blissfullyshelby :  I realize that. My comment was directed towards posters who think that bridal party children are some kind of special exception in and of themselves. Only you know whether inviting a cousin’s child from your side over cousins from FI’s side for behavioral reasons will ruffle feathers. It would in many families.

Post # 22
6320 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

We invited specific children to our wedding. We did not invite all of the children in our families. If anyone had any hard feelings about it, they didn’t say anything to us and our relationships don’t seem to have suffered. We didn’t explain why some people were invited and others were not. We sent out the invitations and let people decide what worked best for them and their families- which is exactly what we did when we made our guest list and sent out invites.

Wedding are too expensive and too much time and energy and effort to have to worry about people acting a fool and being disruptive.

Post # 23
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

The only young children at my wedding are the two in my party: flower girl and ring bearer. All others had to be at least 16 to be invited. The age cut off was the only way we could be fair, otherwise we’d be having one uncle ask why his 8 year old wasn’t invited but another person’s 5 year old was. In the end, the guest list is up to you; if you don’t want someone there and are okay with the hurt feelings that may arise by not inviting them, then you don’t have to invite them.

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