(Closed) Including wife’s first name on Invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I just wrote Mr. and Mrs. Smith or The Smiths

Post # 4
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wrote “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith” when I knew the wife’s name. When I didn’t, I just wrote “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”.

I got an RSVP back from a male cousin written (by his wife) as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Great… problem is, I can’t remember his wife’s name! So I call her Mrs. John Smith for now. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@EmEv: I don’t think either of the alternative you listed are a proper way to word them (my pastor, FI and mom actually started laughing during one of our meetings because they thought I’d said something like “Mr. and Mrs. Jane and John Smith”).  They just flow very awkwardly and don’t sound right.

If you don’t like the traditional “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” (which is the way I’d prefer to see an invite addressed when I receive it) then I think either one of troubled‘s suggestions are the way to go.

Post # 6
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I went the traditional route of Mr. & Mr. John Smith. I don’t by any means want to offend anyone’s wife but the other way just made everything too complicated and long.

Post # 7
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would go with Troubled’s suggestion. I get what your saying about including the woman’s first name, but the flow is awkward when you say it out loud

Post # 8
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

My envelopes looked like this (the font was script-y so it kind of needed extra lines):

Mr. and Mrs.

John and Jane Smith

Address

City, State

Zip

As far as I know, no one fainted at the sight 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We did Mr. & Mrs. because like other posters I didn’t know who the wife was! It’s horrible. The only time I put both names were when the husband and wife each had their own last names.

Post # 11
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@EmEv: NO!  You’re not the only one.  I started a thread on this and got a lot more support actually.  I addressed mine as Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith.  There was no way I was going to identify the wife by her husband’s name.  It just doesn’t sit right with me for so many reasons.  Also, my parents’ hippie friends would have been beyond offended.  I think my addressing scheme worked great, and it doesn’t sound so weird once you get used to it.  I didn’t get any negative comments either…

Post # 12
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know that the way you are *supposed to* address them is to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.  The inner envelope then reads “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

I wanted to include the wives’ names too, so the compromise I made was Mr. and Mrs. John Smith on the outside envelope and just John and Jane on the inner envelope (or John, Jane, Billy and Susie, if I was inviting a family.)  It just seemed like the invitation was a bit more personal to me that way — but then, I didn’t have a super formal wedding.

However, the outside envelopes that were seen were addressed “correctly” and I avoided the awkwardness of Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith, but at the same time, I still made sure the wife’s name was included.  It wasn’t perfectly “correct,” but it worked for me (and I didn’t hear complaints!).

Post # 13
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I hate to get all Knot on this thread – but Mrs. Jane Smith is NEVER correct.  Unfortunately, and I don’t like it anymore than anyone else, you are never a Mrs. with your first name.  You can be Mrs. John Smith or Mrs. Smith, but never Mrs. Jane Smith.  If you want to use a woman’s first name, the only correct way to do it is Ms. Jane Smith.

Alternatively, if a married couple goes by different last names, the correct address is:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe OR Mr. Smith and Ms. Doe

They go on the same line because they are married, but she is still MS. because she uses a different last name.

Post # 14
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh, and I am with Neva – unless you are having a super formal wedding, it is just fine (and totally correct) to use the formal “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” on the outer envelope and “John and Jane” on the inner envelope.

Post # 15
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

As a married woman who gets invited to weddings, I much prefer to receive invitations address the traditional, proper way with “Mr. and Mrs. Husband Name”

Post # 16
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Mine are like this

Mr and Mrs

John & Jane Smith

Street

City, State

Zip

 

I did all my own calligraphy and used this format in part because I wanted to be able to write more, ha!

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