MemberHonestly, I skipped the whole formal thing and just wrote:
John & Jane Smith
The way I see it is, when I send them any other correspondence, I just put: John & Jane Smith so why do I need to do Mr. & Mrs. now?
Plus, our friends and family are really cool, laid-back people so we knew they wouldn’t blink an eye at the lack of formality.
Member“For example, “Mrs. Jane Miller” (wife of John Smith), “Mrs. Jane Smith” or “Mrs. Jane Miller-Smith” were considered incorrect by many etiquette writers, especially of the early 20th century.”
To me that means it’s traditional but also arguably outdated. I would say, if you know you have some family members that are super traditional, use the traditional addressing. But personally, I cringe when I see Mr. and Mrs. Ribs Ribbons on an envelope.
MemberI also plan on writing the wife’s first name. I haven’t decided exactly how to do it though. Etiquette says to leave it out, but if you think this is an old, sexist tradition, like I do, then there are no rules! I think I’ll do “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith” if I know the male better and “Mrs. and Mr. Jane and John Smith” if I know the female better. Etiquette already says I’d be doing it wrong, so I’m just going to do it in the way I feel most comfortable with. The traditional way also doesn’t take into account women who don’t change their last names, and there are quite a few of those in my group, so those would be “Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith” And who cares how it sounds when you say it? Who reads the outside of an envelope outloud? Just do what you want!
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MemberThis is a tough one. Personally – I think some people would get offended no matter what I do! I know it’s longer – but couldn’t you write both of their full names? As in:
Mr. John Smith & Ms. Jane Smith
Member@PrairieGirl: the way you wrote is is the most accurate if you plan to use both names, not using Mrs. in association with the woman’s name unless you are referring to her as Mrs. Man’s first name Man’s last name.
MemberOne of the many reasons I am not changing my name when I get married!
My friends who are not traditional didn’t change their names so I will list their separate names. For those that did, I still haven’t figured out what i will do. I may have to do it the traditional way, but I hate it – a woman’s name isn’t even worth mentioning?
MemberOn our invitations, I wrote “Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith”
It’s the same format we used to introduce DH and I in our grand entrance, and I don’t think it sounds weird at all.
Bottom line is, do what you want. No one is gonna be a stickler about this issue… and if they are, they need to get a life! 
MemberI think the way I’ll say it is Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith. I know its not proper.. there isn’t supposed to be two “ands”, the man’s first name is supposed to go directly before his last name, etc. But it sounds the best to me of all the options. I will probably use the traditional Mr. and Mrs. John Smith for some of our OLDER guests, who will expect this method.
Personally, I don’t look forward to being referred to by my husband’s first and last name once we are married. I do want to change my last name, since the idea of having the same last name seems more like a “family” to me. But to not even have my first name on an invitation doesn’t feel right, like they don’t even care if I’m there. Anyone else feel this way?
MemberMemberBut perhaps if that is more correct then it’s the format I should choose?
Really, I just need to make a decision because the invitations have arrived and its time for me to address them, lol.
MemberI didn’t read every response. So sorry if I repeat. As Iunderstand it, “Mrs. Jane Smith” implies you are widowed or divorced. (As in, if you get divorced you are allowed to stuill keep your ex-husband’s last name, but you cannot use Mrs. John Smith, and must use Mrs. Jane Smith.
MemberPersonally, I went with Jane and John Smith or Jane Jones and John Smith (plenty of name keepers in my circle). I have no idea why a wedding invite would require a Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. on it.
Though I did get plenty of Mr. and Mrs. John Smiths back on the RSVPs. Not from anyone under the age of 50, but there you have it.
MemberWhy not just go with “FirstName1 & FirstName2 LastName”? If there are people that you know like to be addressed in a more formal way, then write “Mr & Mrs. SoandSo” on their invites.
MemberI’m hardcore about aesthetics, but I see nothing wrong with the flow of “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith.” The alternative is appallingly demeaning. That’s how our envelopes went out, and some guests even filled out their RSVPs that way.
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