(Closed) including your Stepmother

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Luckily for me, my mom and stepmom get along very well. My mom and dad had a very amicable divorce and are still friends. My mom actually arranged the shower date around the time my dad and stepmom will be in town for the shower so that she can attend. I haven’t given her any tasks for the wedding because she lives in New York and the wedding is where I live in Florida. I do call her occasionally to get her opinion and to update her on the going-ons. I would suggest that when you give your mom your guest list for the shower that you include your stepmom, and if your mom gives you any grief remind her who the guest of honor is (you) and that she should act as a civil adult. I am also including a corsage for my stepmom in addition to my mom’s and FI’s stepmom’s (his mom passed a few years ago), so that would be a good way to keep her included on the actual day. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My father helped pay for the wedding, but my stepmother was the person I dealt with most of the time when it came to ordering things and making payments. My dad could care less for wedding details, but since they got married as well four years ago, my stepmom was very helpful in tuning me into what was important in wedding planning, while also dealing with the business side. I was lucky to have her involved in this way. The only responsibility I gave to my mother was to travel from California to Florida for the wedding. I loved having both of them there to represent my family.

Also, I forgot my jewelry the day of the wedding, and my stepmother graciously lent me a necklace she was wearing. I love that I got to borrow that from her.

Post # 5
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think you can invite your stepmom to the shower unless you have your mom’s blessing, but that’s just my opinion. As the hostess of the event, your mom has the right to feel comfortable–it can be stressful enough throwing a party.

Maybe you can plan another special event with your stepmom, however–a pre-wedding massage or some other form of pampering?

I will probably try to do something of that kind with my own stepmom, as so far she hasn’t been there for some of the other moments, such as finding my dress and venue. A friend of hers is throwing me a shower, so I will get to celebrate with her then.

So far I don’t have plans to include her in the ceremony–other than a special entrance, escorted by my brother. That’s all I’m planning for my mom, so I figure that’s enough.

It’s my stepdad and dad that give me the headache! It seems like there are so many designated "dad" moments during the wedding day, and I’m having trouble splitting them up.

Post # 6
Member
10 posts
Newbee

My stepmom is making us the guest book quilt. She is getting the fabric and pens and organizing the whole thing.

Post # 8
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree that it isn’t quite right to invite your stepmom to your shower if your mom is hosting without her blessing.  I do think you should ask her though and let it be known you’d like her to come.  If there’s any resistance at all, drop it and just have a private thing with your stepmom.  It sounds as though she will be understanding and very appreciative that you wanted to be sure she was included.  Good luck!

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