Post # 1
How did or are you including your Stepmom in the planning process?
Here is my situation. I love my Stepmom to pieces! Her and my Dad never had kids so, I’m like her only child. My Mom however is jealous of everything and everybody. So, I’m just treading lightly with this one.
I gave my Stepmom a project – flowers. I think my Mom is going to get mad, so I haven’t told her yet that I’m including my Stepmom. It is just such a pain dealing with my Mother’s jealousy (25 years after the divorce!).
I’m just curious how others are handling dividing the tasks with the Moms. Also, can I invite my Stepmom to the Shower that my Mom insists on throwing? I would hate to leave her out.
Oh, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves, so it’s not an issue of who is paying for what. It is more an issue of making sure everyone feels special
Post # 3
Luckily for me, my mom and stepmom get along very well. My mom and dad had a very amicable divorce and are still friends. My mom actually arranged the shower date around the time my dad and stepmom will be in town for the shower so that she can attend. I haven’t given her any tasks for the wedding because she lives in New York and the wedding is where I live in Florida. I do call her occasionally to get her opinion and to update her on the going-ons. I would suggest that when you give your mom your guest list for the shower that you include your stepmom, and if your mom gives you any grief remind her who the guest of honor is (you) and that she should act as a civil adult. I am also including a corsage for my stepmom in addition to my mom’s and FI’s stepmom’s (his mom passed a few years ago), so that would be a good way to keep her included on the actual day. Good luck!
Post # 4
My father helped pay for the wedding, but my stepmother was the person I dealt with most of the time when it came to ordering things and making payments. My dad could care less for wedding details, but since they got married as well four years ago, my stepmom was very helpful in tuning me into what was important in wedding planning, while also dealing with the business side. I was lucky to have her involved in this way. The only responsibility I gave to my mother was to travel from California to Florida for the wedding. I loved having both of them there to represent my family.
Also, I forgot my jewelry the day of the wedding, and my stepmother graciously lent me a necklace she was wearing. I love that I got to borrow that from her.
Post # 5
I don’t think you can invite your stepmom to the shower unless you have your mom’s blessing, but that’s just my opinion. As the hostess of the event, your mom has the right to feel comfortable–it can be stressful enough throwing a party.
Maybe you can plan another special event with your stepmom, however–a pre-wedding massage or some other form of pampering?
I will probably try to do something of that kind with my own stepmom, as so far she hasn’t been there for some of the other moments, such as finding my dress and venue. A friend of hers is throwing me a shower, so I will get to celebrate with her then.
So far I don’t have plans to include her in the ceremony–other than a special entrance, escorted by my brother. That’s all I’m planning for my mom, so I figure that’s enough.
It’s my stepdad and dad that give me the headache! It seems like there are so many designated "dad" moments during the wedding day, and I’m having trouble splitting them up.
Post # 6
My stepmom is making us the guest book quilt. She is getting the fabric and pens and organizing the whole thing.
Post # 7
HannahT, I like the idea of a spa day with my stepmom. That is a great idea! I think your right, I may not want to invite her without out talking to my Mom. It may be too weird for her.
Good luck with the stepdad/dad issue. I have no clue how I would handle that!
Post # 8
I agree that it isn’t quite right to invite your stepmom to your shower if your mom is hosting without her blessing. I do think you should ask her though and let it be known you’d like her to come. If there’s any resistance at all, drop it and just have a private thing with your stepmom. It sounds as though she will be understanding and very appreciative that you wanted to be sure she was included. Good luck!