Post # 17
For everyone saying that no one is using heteronormative language intentionally, that may be true, but I think the purpose of this thread is to draw our attention to it and maybe take the time to think about our language in the future.
Thanks for posting, OP. : )
Post # 18
OP, it is not intentional.
Post # 19
I’m heterosexual, and I’ve noticed this too. The ‘why buy the cow’ thread seemed to be especially bad, but I guess that’s expected when it’s an out of date statement to start with.
I think I’m usually good with using terms like SO or spouse, but I’m sure I’ve slipped too, especially if the wording would have seemed awkward.
Post # 20
This is true in many contexts. I’m sorry you’re feeling left-out, OP. You may just have to go the extra mile to spread awareness. I’ve felt the need to do it a few times. I recall someone posting about nude-colored shoes being the perfect solution for some thing or another. I followed soon after with a ranty thread about how “nude” is not actually neutral on people with dark skintones. Some folks got it. Some folks told me a more sanitized version of what you’ve been told here which is “look, the majority of us are [white], so we speak in those terms. No offense is intended. Get over it.” The majority of bees, though, thanked me for bringing something to their attention that they hadn’t thought much about previously. That people THINK for a second before they address a public audience about who they might be offending/marginalizing/excluding is not too much to ask, IMO. I know I specifically use inclusive language in my threads and titles. Maybe your having created this thread will encourage other bees to do the same.
Post # 21
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
@sparklebow: Imma be honest, i think you are being way too sensitive.
The language is not phrased to exclude you and there are quite a few heterosexual couples on here. Thats just the way they talk and i dont think they should apologise for it. I have never seen a post that wouldnt welcome you on it. Political correctness gone crazy … you know we love and welcome you here
Post # 22
@sparklebow: as a bisexual-ish woman I think you are being a teensy bit sensative. When I was with my ex I never was offened if someone inquird about my “boyfriend” when I was infact dating a woman. No one is saying that only staight women can post on my thread! Its a set of mostly heterosexual brides weiting posts from their points of veiw. Most language I see is SO or Fiance which is gender neutral. I personally have never been one to care about political corectness, so I may just be more laid back than most.
Post # 23
@sparklebow: I’m not LBGTQ so I hope you don’t mind me posting. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way and I’m glad you posted about it. I know I am guilty of doing this, as I admit I tend to live in my own little relatively heterosexual-centric world. I will definitely try to be more aware and conscious of it going forward. I don’t do it on purpose, and I don’t think most of the others here do it to purposely exclude anyone either.
Post # 24
I also wanted to add that inserting yourself in threads that ARE meant to exclude you is not necessarily the best move. I did it once and regretted it after. Someone had started a Not Wedding Related thread about sororities and invited readers to select theirs from the poll. The poll listed every single sorority imaginable EXCEPT the historically African American ones. I chimed in and represented, but later wished I hadn’t. That poster obviously wasn’t interested in my input, so me offering it just made everyone uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure the thread died within 15 minutes of me posting. If you feel that there are a lack of threads that represent your particular interests, you can make them yourself! I mean I assume it could get annoying to poke into every thread all “you mean he OR she, right? right??”
Post # 25
@sparklebow: I’ve never posted before, just commented, so I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think anyone who posts like that intends to be exclusive. I know if I ever say “he” instead of “significant other” or “fiance” in reference to another person, I most certainly don’t mean it to be offensive if that person isn’t straight. I think most of us just write about what we know and our own experiences, which to me, means that that person probably wrote that poll question thinking about their own proposal from a male, not intending to be exclusionary in the wording! But I’m all for changing the world and having more inclusive language, tolerance, etc., now more than ever! 🙂
Post # 27
I think, with gay marriage being very, very new in a lot of places, and it not existing at all in most of the country, that it’ll take a bit of time for the new terminology to trickle down through the masses. Hang in there! It’s getting better!
Post # 28
I think about this all the time…so many posts are heterosexist or whatever term you want to use. However, I do not think the exclusion is on purpose. I think the best way to deal with it is just to answer whatever question from your perspective.
“OMG my guy drank a BEER last night!!!! I’m gonna cry…is this NORMAL????”
You can write, “I totes understand! My lady had an entire wine cooler last night and I am FREAKING out.”
Post # 29
OP, I see where you’re coming from. Bees tend to use less inclusive language, but as PPs have said, I doubt it’s intentional.
As someone in a relationship in which marriage will be in our future (albeit not a viable option for several years) , not all of the threads on Weddingbee directly apply to my situation. I do a lot of substitution to make the threads applicable to me. To use the example from your post, I’ll just subsitute “How did he propose?” with “How do you think your SO will propose?”, and respond accordingly.
Don’t be caught off-guard. Weddingbee is one of the most easygoing and accepting boards I have come across…and this is coming from someone whose boyfriend is finishing up high school! 🙂
Post # 30
@peachacid: I think the word you’re looking for is “heteronormative.”
Post # 31
Thanks for posting everyone – you Bees are so thoughtful and considerate. After having read everyone’s responses so far, I have a couple of comments/conclusions:
1. I don’t think I’m being too sensitive – other people here are also thinking of these things (which is nice 🙂 ). If I were to negatively comment on every single person’s post who made me think of this issue, then I would be being too sensitive (and a bit irritating, probably).
2. There’s definitely such a thing as being too politically correct. That’s not really what I’m aiming for (such as using he/she all the time, instead of just whatever pronoun you really mean). I’m not trying to get everyone to radically alter how they post and write – I just want people to consider other perspectives from time to time.
3. From the responses, I’m convinced that it’s unintentional.
I mostly created this thread to start a dialogue, as a few PPs said, to try to get people thinking about this issue. I’m really happy to be part of the Bee and I definitely will keep posting and sharing my experiences 🙂