Post # 91
collegebee : Agree here. While I PERSONALLY would never comment to a parent or say anything to a kid throwing a fit, I think it’s pretty BS that we aren’t even “allowed” to judge another parent when their kids are having it out in a public place. I won’t say a word but I am side eyeing the shit out of you IF you allow it to continue. You can’t control kids and things like hysterical fits in stores happen. But if they do then take the child out, get them under control, something. Don’t just sit there & allow it to continue. That’s what pisses me off. So many people don’t give a crap that their kids inconvenience other people out in public. I worked in restaurants and parents would let their kids run all over the place, almost got knocked down several times carrying food. Another mom not only let her kid COLOR all over our wall, he peed on the chair and expected us to clean it up. He was probably 5. It’s not the kid’s fault, but it sure as hell was that mom’s fault to allow this behavior to go on and that’s what irritates me. Some parents need to be judged, sorry. Not every parent is perfect.
Post # 92
collegebee : it’s not intolerant to say that you don’t understand what it’s like to be the parent in that situation. It’s a fact. You don’t.
Do you actually think parents enjoy being out in public with a kid having a meltdown? That we wait at home until they’re just tired enough to freak so we can take them out?
Shit happens. Every meal you have in public could potentially be disrupted by a kid, or an asshole waiter, or drunk people at the next table. That’s part of co-existing in society with other humans.
The point is no parent WANTS that situation any more than you do. They’re likely struggling way more than you realize, so treating them like garbage accomplishes what exactly? Makes ypu feel better about yourself?
Post # 93
DaniGirl03 : I’m sorry this happened and I’m sorry it upset you. I can relate to the sting you must have felt. However, I realize that I place a higher than average emphasis on thankfulness because I was raised by someone who required daily thanks and praise and uses “ungrateful” as her default insult. However, I was also raised by someone who would promise/offer/gift things to me (including approval) and then snatch them away whenever she was in a bad mood. So even as a very young child, I fully understood the law of saying thank you, immediately and effusively, upon being given anything by anyone. But…I don’t think I really understood appreciation. I fawned all over any gift I ever received because I was trying to avoid the belt, not because my heart was full with true gratitude. And I certainly wouldn’t have seen a correlation between my reaction to a gift and whether or not I got to keep it, since those things were not necessarily related in my world.
I say ALL this to say, while it’s fine to feel hurt (and it’s even fine to adjust or limit your gift-giving accordingly in the future), please try to keep in mind that children only live what they learn. They acted the way they did because they literally have not been taught any different and they can’t help that. I know because I have a very sweet, very intelligent teenage niece who is being raised by two morons. The last time I went to visit her I gave her a carload full of gifts. She seemed to like the presents (tried on the bracelet right away, etc.), but never said thank you, gave me a hug, or otherwise indicated that she’d appreciated the effort and expense I went to. She didn’t say anything mean like your nieces/nephews did but I still found it rude. I was disappointed and began to think differently about her. I had to remind myself, though, she has never been taught that and does not possess that level of social grace. I truly meant to give out of the kindness of my heart and did not realize I’d expected anything in return. So that’s what I’ll do from now on, give freely and try to expect nothing.
Post # 94
“Can you please move/quiet down/deal with your child? He’s being disruptive.”
I’m not saying I know how to parent their kids better; I really have no interest in doing so. I simply don’t want someone else’s nuisance affecting me. If parents don’t want strangers to intervene they should take the necessary proactive or reactive steps to prevent their child’s behavior from becoming someone else’s problem.
If someone telling you “please move your child so I can get by with my cart” makes you feel like garbage, that’s a you problem.
Asshole waiters get bad tips and drunk people at the next table likewise get complained about to manangement. You should be grateful when people extend courtesy to you, not use that expectation as an excuse to dump all over everyone else. THAT is incredibly selfish.
And you clearly misread my comment, because I never said it was intolerant to say we don’t understand, I said it was intolerant to invalidate someone’s request/expectation for parents and children to adhere to basic social convention on the basis that the person complaining doesn’t have children.
And I don’t really care that you don’t like hearing your kids scream either, because it’s YOUR choice they’re here in the first place, the rest of us had no hand in that decision making process and, for at least some people, there might have been a different outcome if we had.
Post # 95
bee123456789 : “So many people don’t give a crap that their kids inconvenience other people out in public. I worked in restaurants and parents would let their kids run all over the place, almost got knocked down several times carrying food. Another mom not only let her kid COLOR all over our wall, he peed on the chair and expected us to clean it up. He was probably 5. It’s not the kid’s fault, but it sure as hell was that mom’s fault to allow this behavior to go on and that’s what irritates me. Some parents need to be judged, sorry. Not every parent is perfect.”
Post # 96
“the rest of us had no hand in that decision making process and, for at least some people, there might have been a different outcome if we had.”
Post # 97
They are 8 and 10…..they have NO IDEA what you went through to get that gift because why would they??? They are CHILDREN. Their mother should have piped up and told them to say thank you. Also explain how much trouble getting the gift was. I doubt they knew it was a “limited run” or even such a thing existed in the first place. I also have not actually heard of young children playing with the NES classic, only older adults. Children don’t just automatically and telepathically know everything you went through to get that gift. You have to EXPLAIN IT TO THEM! They don’t naturally know everything!!!
But I think if anything, this is a sign of bad parenting. Don’t punish the children because your sister doesn’t know how to teach her children some manners. I would be mad at HER and talking to this with HER.
Post # 98
echomomm : I completely agree with your sentiments. I think it’s really important for parents to tech children to react appropriately to gifts. They don’t have to flip out, but they should always express appreciation and thanks. It’s just rude to act the way these children did and it doesn’t make them look good.
I know that my little newphew was totally out of control last year at Christmas (he was 3) ripping through gifts and throwing aside the ones he didn’t like. You excuse it because he’s only 3, but it was incredibly bratty and off putting. This year his parents got ahead of teaching him that you always say thank you, even if you don’t like the gift. At 4 he did a lot better and I think he’s on track toward really learning to be gracious.
Post # 99
Sansa85 : “wanna borrow my belt?”
Post # 100
This is on your sister. Before Christmas my girls knew there better be good manners and thank you’s all around. And they did- thank god. In the car on the way home my 14 year old asked if she could exchange what my SIL gave her as she already had something similar and there was a gift receipt- totally fine. But she showed appreciation in the moment. I’d give them a break since it’s their first year together. But don’t kill yourself with so much effort for them next time.
Post # 101
- Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse
I also got my kids a classic Nintendo and they couldn’t care less about it. But I bought smart and got it from china, so it was super cheap. This is the exact reason why I don’t buy expensive toys for my kids and why I let them pick their own toys for holidays. I’ve been through too many years of disappointment in gift giving. So fuck it. Don’t go out on a limb for them or ask what they want for xmas or any other holiday. Yeah it takes out the element of surprise and some of the magic of christmas…but so fucking what. I say return it and give them a gift card instead. Fuck it!
Post # 102
- Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse
collegebee : I have to agree with u. As a breeder, I hate when my kids misbehave and I deal with it immediately. I don’t allow my kids to become an inconvenience to others. Everyday I see asshole parents allowing their kids to trash stores, run around sit down restaurants, scream in the grocery store for an hour cuz they didn’t get the stupid fucking toy or candy. Now I know it’s not the kids fault. The shitty parents are to blame. Parents these days are too fucking soft. I am not. I may be strict, but you’ll never catch my kids misbehaving in public or making me look like a damn fool of a parent.
Post # 103
I’m not over you calling yourself a breeder. I’ve only seen that term used in a derogatory manner so I was expecting a really sarcastic post, but you literally called yourself a breeder. I was surprised is all.
Post # 104
My toddlers meltdown was because she wanted to carry a pack over toilet paper but it was too big for her. So she threw a fit. Which she has never done in a store before.
So while everyone else, including non parents, would know exactly how to handle their child (or someone else’s child) in the split second of seeing the tantrum, I was trying to figure out the best way to get her to calm down because she had never acted that way before.
I’m glad no one decided to stick their face in her face or decided to come up to me and tell me how to parent my own child because I probably would have broke down and cried, just like she did.
I just don’t understand the nastiness. You have zero idea about what is going on in those situations.
Post # 105
Sansa85 : toddler meltdowns are impressive. The best one my daughter had was that she wanted to wash off the mud, but didn’t want to go in the tub or shower. I just sat there like o don’t even know what caused this I don’t know how to fix it.
I’m sure you took a minute or so trying to think of what the heck to do to make it stop. The first meltdown is always like I didn’t know that much noise could come out of that small of a body. I’m sure you either got her calmed down or just for out of there once the shock wore off.
The issue imost of us would have wouldn’t be the toddler meltdown, it’s how it’s handled. There’s a big difference between a kid screaming for two minutes while you asses regroup and figure it out and 10 minutes, with no action.