Incompatible or immature

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1121 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Beelimegreen :  Relationships that work and that are meant to be just aren’t this hard. You both aren’t right for each other. Not sure how much clearer that could be? You both should move on and find someone you are compatible with. My husband never needed to change to be the right fit for me, i didn’t have to change to be the right fit for him. We just worked from the start. And breaking up isn’t normal if you have a good working relationship. Breakups happen for a reason. As an adult, if i was dating someone and they dumped me once id be done forever, because i know better now. 

Now that I am in a relationship that is easy and just works, i see how rediculous i was being to try to stay in ones in my past that were so hard to keep. If this relationship or ones like this have been all you have had, you probably think this is normal and just how it is. I assure you it is not. When it is meant to be it just works, no one changes, no one dumps the other person, it just works and moves forward naturally. 

Post # 17
Member
6855 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Incompatible AND immature. 

Accept this break up and move on. 

Post # 18
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

“We expect that a true lover can understand what we feel and who we are without us speaking. This is a catastrophe to our capacity to form lasting relationships. If you do not explain you can never be understood. The root to a good marriage and to good love is the ability to become a good teacher.”

Watch Alain de Bottom-Why you Will Marry the Wrong Person. I found his videos on YouTube and LOVE THEM. 

Post # 19
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

We cannot hold someone to expectations we have never shared with them.  Your guy is delusional if he thinks he is going to find someone who knows what he wants without him expressing it.  Further, if he does express his needs and you meet them, that isn’t special?!?!?  Honestly, that kind of thinking is usually attached to a high school girl who has read too much Twilight. (no offense to Twilight or teenage girls, they have their place).

Post # 20
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Beelimegreen :  he wants to be understood without speaking, and voicing his needs automatically makes me trying to meet them meaningless and no longer special.

Rotflmao!  Ummmm are you friggin kidding me???  He wants you to be able to read his mind and suss out his needs or else its not special? Do you happen to be a mutant by the name of Professor X?  

SMDH….Girl please reboot your bullshit-o-meter cause he is full of it. 

Healthy adults communicate their needs because……adults.  

Any other woman telling this story would easily indicate to you immaturity but coming from YOUR MAN this is confusing?  What kind of mental acrobatics are you using to redefine what you know to be true?

Stop lowering your standards, recognize that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and start listening to your gut instead of disregarding it as defective…..it ain’t.  I may be wrong but I do believe you wish to be with a man not a boy.   Keep looking bee you haven’t found him yet.

Post # 21
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

I agree with PP’s- and also if he keeps breaking up with you, it’s so he can get some ass and when he gets lonely he comes back and then feeds you lines about how it’s YOUR fault that you guys keep breaking up because you’re too… LOGICAL? PRACTICAL? nu uh. You’re fine- you sound responsible (even though you do need to up your standards and realize communication is KEY in ANY kind of relationship) so move on and don’t give him any more of your youth. 

Post # 22
Member
6905 posts
Busy Beekeeper

BOTH. 

Why are you hanging onto someone who has broken up with you so many times you’ve lost count? Know your worth!

he wants to be understood without speaking, and voicing his needs automatically makes me trying to meet them meaningless and no longer special — That is something I’d expect to hear from someone not old enough to possess a driver’s license, not an adult. Insert massive eyeroll here.

Post # 23
Member
4729 posts
Honey bee

I’ll point out that this is an example of why I’m not all gung-ho about people going to therapy. Too often it just doesnt help, but the client has the illusion that it’s working and s/he is doing better. This is not a good thing.

OP, get another therapist. This one clearly isn’t helping you navigate your life.

Post # 24
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

No one should be expected to be a mind reader. I had a boss like that once and no I don’t miss working for him. A marriage is a partnership, both parties should add to the relationship, not make demands or put stress on it. 

Post # 25
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

You sound like a decent and regular person who has reasonable relationship expectations. This guy sounds like someone who believes you should focus all your time and attention on deciphering whatever the hell he wants or is thinking on that specific day. How exhausting! I don’t think this has anything to do with you being too “brain” and not listening enough with your heart or whatever. I think you’re fine how you are and his expectations are unreasonable.

Post # 26
Member
3510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

If you’ve broken up multiple times it is kind of irrelevant what the issue is. You’re clearly not a good fit for each other – accept it and move on. 

Post # 27
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

So he wants you to become a mind reader? How are you going to meet this need? Go study to become one? He’s being unreasonable and you need to move on. You’re so young, bee!

Post # 28
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I truly think he’s unhappy and wants you to make things all better for him. The reason he wants you to instinctively know what he needs at wants without him telling you is because he has no idea what he wants or needs to be happy. You shouldn’t have to turn your brain off, or however you worded it, to make things work. Do you seriously want someone who’s going to always make you feel that you’re loving him wrong? I was married for 18 years, 8 years longer than I should have been, to a man that thought I should fix things I didn’t know were broken, to make him happy when he refused to be happy.. now I’m remarried to a wonderful man who actually communicates and shares and accepts me for who I am. My first marriage was like a terrible roller coaster with very high highs and terribly painful lows. It was hard to finally give up on him, but I was able to move on, be my own person and realize my self worth. Now I’m experiencing marriage the way it should be. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it’s much easier when you’re with someone who actually Loves you. My ex used to look at me like he hated me. During our last fight he asked, “How would you like being married to you?” I decided if he didn’t like being married to me I’d go ahead and end it… he dumped you, move on and find someone who can’t live without you, who doesn’t focus on what he would change. You’re you, period. There’s a guy out there who will adore you and make you wonder how you could have been with someone who acted this way. Stay strong and good luck!!

Post # 29
Member
6638 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

OP- you need to stop being so damn easy to get back. I know your first love (first good dick) can make you lose your mind, but come on. This dude has dumped you so many times in three years you’ve lost track and you still want to give it a chance?! This reeks of desperation and neediness and those things rarely inspire anything but contempt.

A man who expects his partner to be psychic and just get him without him communicating is a fucking idiot so, I’m dismissing him full stop. Hell no you shouldn’t keep getting back with him. Why do you need to be told that, though? He does not love you, like you or respect you. What are you trying to make work? There is nothing there. Stop wasting your own time and breaking your own heart on this POS.

Post # 30
Member
3775 posts
Honey bee

He sounds exhausting. 

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