(Closed) Incorporating Jewish traditions but not we're not Jewish

posted 6 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@LaurenKK:  Sip wine from a kiddish cup.

Post # 4
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You would be recognised as Jewish in some progressive movements (liberal and reform, I believe).

I’m Jewish but marrying out and we’re not able to do anything Jewish in the ceremony because UK civil ceremonies can’t have anything religious (you can’t have a legally binding interfaith marriage here) so we’ve incorporated it in other ways e.g. we have a ring block engraved with English and Hebrew words. From here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/UrbanCollective.

Post # 5
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh yeah and we’re breaking a glass.

Post # 6
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I was going to suggest breaking a glass – and maybe having a ketubah or incorporating the seven blessings.

Post # 7
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

break the glass! Or, you could sign a secular ketubah? I’m Jewish and Fiance is Catholic. Our ceremony is completey secular, but I’ve always wanted a ketubah – Etsy has some great ones, that you can get secular language without hebrew on it too.  Also, everyone loves a good hora! 😉

Post # 8
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Moomin:  I was so grateful to be marrying in Scotland rather than England. We had a humanist ceremony but he didn’t mind us including Jewish aspects. In the end, we only did the glass breaking (as we fiddled around ’til the last minute and couldn’t get our plans for a secular ketubah right) but it was nice to have the option.

Post # 9
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

What about signing a ketubah?  There are ones that are very secular out there (look for reform text), and that could be a really nice part of the wedding and you will even have a peice of art after!

Post # 10
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My Dad is Catholic and I’m Jewish, so by religious law, I’m Jewish. Fiance is “nothing” as he says. He’s commercialized Christian, as his late Mom used to say. Anyway, we’re having a non-religious ceremony, but he’ll be breaking the glass, as per the Jewish religion. It’s something he really wants to do.

Post # 11
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m not Jewish, but the first thing that came to my mind was the tradition where the bride circles the groom 3 times?  It’s something I’ve always found interesting at Jewish weddings.  And of course the Hora during the reception is always fun 🙂

Post # 12
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My father is Jewish and my mother is Episcopal, which is mostly how we were raised so I am in a similar situation.  Since my gandfather was estranged from most of his family, there will be no one from my dad’s side at our wedding.  However, I have recently been exploring the cultural side of my dad’s family (I am atheist) and have decided that it would be a bit disrespectful to do something like breaking the glass (fun fact–it’s usually a lightbulb in there for a better pop sound and easy breaking) or having a ketubah.  We’re not Jewish, my father is not practicing and it just feels wrong to borrow someone’s meaningul, religious tradition for the sake of our wedding.  

But after some research, we’ve decided to observe the Yichud.  We will spend about 10 minutes alone together right after the ceremony.  We won’t be really calling it that, we will just put that into the schedule that we’ll be in the bride room for 10 minutes and are not to be disturbed.  I don’t think anyone could be offended by something so private.

Personally, in your shoes, I’d ask a close Jewish family member about this.  They will be the best able to help you figure something out that won’t offend the rest of the family while still acknowledging that half of your cultural heritage.

Post # 14
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LaurenKK:  Crohns? Me too. My dad is Jewish and my mum isn’t, and I had always planned on incorporating certain elements into my wedding. I have now officially converted, so my cermeony will be a Jewish one, but my sister didn’t and still had a few nice Jewish elements.  Her husband stepped on the glass, everyone yelled mazel tov. They also had a family friend do ha’motzi before the meal.

Post # 16
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We did a Lutheran/Jewish ceremony with a Lutheran pastor.  It was a struggle with the pastor, but we got it largely as we wanted (it was her first interfaith wedding although she had done agnostic/atheist and lutheran before, and a huge struggle to step away from lutheranism to try to balance it).  PM if you want the wording for the ceremony.  We removed all references to Jesus, and cut out as much optional lutheran parts as we could, including parts of blessings, prayers, and such.  We had one secular reading, one old testament and one new testament.   The pastor also really wanted a gospel reading but we pushed back hard (already had OT, it was more problematic from the Jewish side, too long a ceremony, didn’t like the readings), and essentially threatened to walk.  My mom is the president of the church there, so she ended up caving.  We incorporated the 7 blessings – alternating reading in hebrew and english by two friends.  We also incorporated the other two blessings (theorectically read in hebrew and english by our pastor but she mangled the hebrew despite insisting she could do it).  We smashed the glass, or Darling Husband did. 

Darling Husband was the token Jew (his dad is jewish, mom protestant, converted but went back after they divorced) and really more agnostic.  He didn’t want to spend the money on a chuppah or a ketubah, so we didn’t.  I would have liked a ketubah but we ran out of time to get it (I couldn’t get his attention on it earlier in the process).  I wanted to walk in with just my dad, but you could be escorted by your parents.

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