- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So, My FI’s best man is his long time, childhood friend. We always joke around that they would not even be friends today, were it not for the fact that they’ve known each other since they were 5 years old. BMan is….well, different. He gets very, very obsessed with things, and they sort of take over his life. He is currently almost 30 years old, an unemployed music teacher who lives with his parents. His obsession for the past 2 years or so has been health/natural/vegan eating, and obsessive (like, 4-5 hours a day) working out. Ok, fine – it was weird, but we tolerated it. Well, he seems to be moving out of the food/exercise obsession, and into a new obsession: some sort of ultra-conservative religion that he recently got involved with.
Now, at close to 30 years old, he has never been on more than 3 dates with anyone, and doesn’t really seem to know how to speak with women in general. He has started making some sort of strange comments when we hang out with him – talking about his future wife, how she will have to have long hair and wear “modest dresses”, how she will have to learn how to make his strange/natural food concoctions (he is very big on soaking nuts and sprouting seeds). A few months ago, he made some comments about how women didn’t need to be college educated, because their only role was to be a wife and mother. And a few weeks ago, he was going on and on about how he needed to find himself a young wife, so that she could successfully birth him many children.
Mostly, we just sort of laugh him, and his ridiculous comments, off. I sometimes challenge him a little bit, because the things that he says just don’t really sit well with me, but its like talking to a brick wall. Until last night, that is. We went out to dinner with him, and he (again) started talking about the traits his future wife should have, and about how *I* will not be a good wife, because I do not see Fiance as my lord and master. And that most divorce happens because the woman does not know her proper place in the relationship. I totally lost it on him – told him how sexist and misogynistic he was being, and that his plans to marry some young, naive girl that he has known for 6 weeks were ludicrous. It got ugly – we were yelling back and forth at each other, and my poor Fiance was really upset. We ended the evening early, and headed home, and had a long discussion about how insane he is being.
I slept on it, but woke up still disturbed by the whole deal. I told Fiance that as things currently stand, I’m uncomfortable with this friend standing up for us at our wedding, and that, at minimum, he needs to be demoted from Bman. I certainly don’t want him making any speeches at our wedding in a little over 2 months! Fiance agrees with me, but I know him – he is non-confrontational, and unless I force the issue, will just keep things the way they are. Should I force the issue? Would his behavior (and comments about our impending marriage) make anyone else uncomfortable? The situation is complicated a little bit by the fact that I know this is probably just a phase with him – he goes through these phases, gets super intense about things, and then moves onto another phase (it has been suggested that he perhaps has an undiagnosed form of Autism/Asbergers). I’m just so…disturbed that there are actually people in this modern world, in the US, who think like this.