Post # 1
So my Fiance and I were talking today about our future. We were discussing whether or not to move in together when I graduate, or for me to move back in with my parents for a few years (!) and just save for a deposit on a house. (The area we live in has really high houseprices, but some places are currently building new affordable housing which will be built in the next few years. The mortgage for these houses would be the same cost for renting other places.)
We can’t afford to rent a house together and save for a wedding and a deposit for a house, so we were thinking of just delaying the wedding, saving for a house deposit to buy a house and then save for a wedding. (This could take about 4 years or so.)
So, it seems like the most sensible option would be to delay our wedding until we are more financially stable. I am soooo upset. Been crying all evening. Fiance even shed more than a few tears. (This is the first time I’ve seen him cry and I’ve known him for 11 years.) I just don’t see another way around it.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? Do you have any advice to help us?
Post # 3
Hmm, my advice would be to have a low budget wedding, or a JOP wedding, and then when you are financially stable you can throw your ‘wedding’ (vow renewal, recommitment ceremony, etc.). Marriage shouldn’t have a pricetag- if you want to be married now, be married now 🙂
Post # 4
@Lubylu89: I would have a small wedding just with family and then later on have something yall would like when you are more stable.
Is your wedding in 2015?? If it is you have plenty of time to save!!
Post # 5
@SnowPeony: Has to be the most sensible information/advice I have ever read on weddingbee. 🙂
Post # 6
Post # 7
No, I just put that so I felt like I was actually going to get our wedding. It was orginally April 20, 2013. I know it’s kinda silly, but getting married doesn’t even seem a reality anymore.
Post # 8
We have postponed the wedding in order to buy our house (and fix my teeth lol).
It hurt really bad to cancel the wedding but it gets easier everyday. Just stay away from Say Yes to the Dress and those kind of shows. Mourn for what you are giving up but celebrate the future you will have.
Post # 9
Honestly, I would postpone the wedding if you can’t even afford to have a place on your own yet. You want to be independent after you get married and not have to live with your parents after you get married. Save up some money, maybe find a place to rent if that’s possible after you start making more money, and then consider what you want to do about getting married and buying a home.
Post # 10
Now is definitely time to evaluate your priorities. First of all, what is more important to you: having your dream wedding? Or having a house and simply getting married. For me, I chose the latter. My husband and I bought a house in October and just had a simple ceremony giving us a bit more time to save up for our dream wedding. It’s up to you though! I just knew I would hate waiting that long to save up for everything.
Post # 11
My Fiance and I just finished this exact conversation. We already live together, so it’s not about independence, but it is about money and me wanting a baby. After weeks of crying over this decision, we’ve decided to delay the wedding. But, I told him, this is only if we have an actual date. I’m a deadline person, so I don’t want to leave things open ended. I agree with SoonToBeMrsA, avoid the wedding shows. That’s just painful. Good luck!
Post # 12
I’m glad that this isn’t what I was expecting to read about: a breakup. You guys still have one another, and as long as not being married isn’t putting any stress on the relationship, you have basically as much time as you need. Priorities are hard (I know, I’m driving around in a car with the passenger side crushed in right now…) but things have a way of working themselves out eventually. The rest is just timing.
Post # 13
Thanks for all of your replies. We are postponing the wedding until we have saved up for a deposit on a house, then saving for a wedding. We are aiming to be married in four years or so. We aren’t going to live together until we have bought a house. That way, we can put the money we were going to be spending on rent towards a house and hopefully we will get there quicker. Like PPs have said, we still have eachother, and that’s all that matters.
Post # 14
Word of warning… before buying a house, make sure you have a date set that he will stick to.
A lot of women get caught up into buying a house with the guy and then realizes years later he won’t marry her. I know you guys are already engaged, but I also know another couple who is infinitely engaged because they live together and have for years in the house they bought. Guess what? He won’t agree to a date and she never set one beforehand. He’s happy being just engaged indefinitely (it’s been 5 years for them now). If they break up, the house is totally in his name even though she makes payments and helps with bills. He won’t have to pay alimony or any of that. Free break.
Guys generally get comfortable and don’t see the point of marrying after all unless you have him committed to a date. I would definitely suggest getting married first, but since you are not make sure that date is nailed before you get a house. Look out for your best interests… all I am saying.