Indifference towards fiance's family

posted 1 month ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’m not close with my in laws either. And I’m completely fine with that. I feel mostly indifferent to them all except for his brother who I actually despise. He’s a horrible human being. I’m also the only non-blood related family member as even though my husband is the youngest at almost 40, none of his siblings are coupled. Although our adult nieces now have boyfriends who were around this past xmas, so that was really nice to not be the only “outsider.” 

Post # 18
Member
2931 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I guess I’m an outlier, because it would really bother me if my fiance and future spouse felt completely indifferent towards my family and wouldn’t care if they died.  These aren’t random people, they are your future in-laws / future family. I can completely understand not being close to random future ILs, but I expect my future spouse to work to get closer to my family (just as I did for his family). 

I guess if your Fiance doesn’t care much about his family, it’s no biggie.  But if he is close with them and especially if you plan to have children, I think you probably should work to care more about them than “I literally don’t care if they die.”

Post # 19
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

View original reply
@elody789:  It’s your wedding day. You should not “just go with the flow.” I’m sensing she was being passive aggressive. She wanted more from the event and so she’s finding a way to make it happen. If it were me I would tell my SO to tell his mom the party needs to be cancelled. 

Post # 20
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

Meh it’s fine! I’m not a huge fan of my SOs family either. They are nice and like you I can be in social situations no problem but they way too opinionated and try to be over involved in our lives which really irks me. SO feels the same way so we’re in the same page that they need to be kept at a distance. As long as you’re on the same page and you’re not harbouring angry feelings it’s ok not to want to be best friends with them. 

Post # 21
Member
13260 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m sorry, but I can’t get past you saying you would feel nothing if the parents of your future husband, who raised him to be the man he is, whom you know fairly well and with whom you’ve spent enjoyable holidays, you know, DIED. 

Post # 22
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

You don’t need to like them AT ALL. I don’t care much for my husband’s family. You’re not supposed to be all gung ho about them, or all over them, being best buds with them. You don’t need to feel that way. You only have to worry about your husband and you. Going to family events is in support of your husband, not anything more if you don’t want it to be or if you don’t feel that it can be.

Post # 23
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Girl you are not alone! My fiancé’s family is so different than mine and we have nothing in common at all…kindof strange but I keep hearing that’s normal. Once we got engaged I had to set serious boundaries. Annoying.  

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