Post # 16
I’m not close with my in laws either. And I’m completely fine with that. I feel mostly indifferent to them all except for his brother who I actually despise. He’s a horrible human being. I’m also the only non-blood related family member as even though my husband is the youngest at almost 40, none of his siblings are coupled. Although our adult nieces now have boyfriends who were around this past xmas, so that was really nice to not be the only “outsider.”
Post # 18
I guess I’m an outlier, because it would really bother me if my fiance and future spouse felt completely indifferent towards my family and wouldn’t care if they died. These aren’t random people, they are your future in-laws / future family. I can completely understand not being close to random future ILs, but I expect my future spouse to work to get closer to my family (just as I did for his family).
I guess if your Fiance doesn’t care much about his family, it’s no biggie. But if he is close with them and especially if you plan to have children, I think you probably should work to care more about them than “I literally don’t care if they die.”
Post # 18
I just posted an update but something happened and it just disappeared.
Anyways, what prompted me to have this discussion..A while back my fh and I agreed that we’d rather elope and not have a big wedding, I am especially against big weddings and we are avid travellers and just wanted a big honeymoon instead. Covid happened and we still had our plans intact as we just wanted to go to the courthouse with a couple of witnesses (fh’s family members). However, his mom planned a party on the day of our legal ceremony (15 people or more if it’s allowed in August) and she sent us invites to the party. She emailed my fh and cced me. The invite was very nice and they were polit about it, however it makes me feel that I am ff invited to my own wedding reception which I never wanted in the first place and I made it very clear. She never called me to discuss this as you know we don’t really call each other, she did it though my fh, and it does piss me off a little bit. Now I just have to go with the flow because I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It also makes me wonder – should I bring anything to my own wedding reception which wasn’t even supposed to happen? etc..
Anyways, as for other people’s questions, no I wouldn’t mind our kids playing together within the family, but it won’t be possible and happen that often because we we have kids those kids will be teenagers already… no this whole situation doesn’t bother my fh, he loves his family and I always join him for family occasions – that’s all he wants. Some of his family members live abroad so I am not the most “distant one”
Post # 19
It’s your wedding day. You should not “just go with the flow.” I’m sensing she was being passive aggressive. She wanted more from the event and so she’s finding a way to make it happen. If it were me I would tell my SO to tell his mom the party needs to be cancelled.
Post # 20
Meh it’s fine! I’m not a huge fan of my SOs family either. They are nice and like you I can be in social situations no problem but they way too opinionated and try to be over involved in our lives which really irks me. SO feels the same way so we’re in the same page that they need to be kept at a distance. As long as you’re on the same page and you’re not harbouring angry feelings it’s ok not to want to be best friends with them.
Post # 21
I’m sorry, but I can’t get past you saying you would feel nothing if the parents of your future husband, who raised him to be the man he is, whom you know fairly well and with whom you’ve spent enjoyable holidays, you know, DIED.
Post # 22
You don’t need to like them AT ALL. I don’t care much for my husband’s family. You’re not supposed to be all gung ho about them, or all over them, being best buds with them. You don’t need to feel that way. You only have to worry about your husband and you. Going to family events is in support of your husband, not anything more if you don’t want it to be or if you don’t feel that it can be.
Post # 23
Girl you are not alone! My fiancé’s family is so different than mine and we have nothing in common at all…kindof strange but I keep hearing that’s normal. Once we got engaged I had to set serious boundaries. Annoying.