- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
MY FH and I don’t have equal salaries, nor do we have equal bills/debts. I suspect very few partners finances are perfectly balanced.
Yet, more and more as time goes on I’m finding myself feeling jealous that I’m shouldering everything. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and it’s my responsibility – not ours.
I also wondering, does this mean I’m selfish?
FH makes about $30,000 a year less than I do. Money isn’t everything but it’s a lot.
He currently lives paycheck to paycheck with very little savings. He lives in his own apartment and making ends meet – rent check, car payments, car insurance, gas, groceries, student loan payments, can be tight. If he misses a few days of work because of sick leave or vacation, he often winds up in the difficult spot of falling behind.
He’s got a crack in his car windshield and can’t afford to fix it. Yet – he’ll go spend $30 to $40 bucks on this video game he wants, etc.
Yes – he’s an impulse shopper. I know that’s part of his money problem.
On the other hand, I’ve been living at home (yes, it’s embarrassing but I didn’t move out once we got engaged to save money). I have little to no expenses (car insurance, gas, cell phone, student loans) and I save what I can.
I’ve been stashing aside money for an apartment/townhouse/condo of my own, our wedding, and a new car when necessary.
I very rarely purchase something for myself. I tend to treat FH and I out to dinner 1x a week, ranging from Applebees to a nicer restaurant ($30 a head) for a nice date.
As I’m hit by the cost of partially paying for our own wedding, lookign for a townhouse/condo/apartment to live in the future, and my own needs.. I feel the weight is on my shoulders.
and…. I can’t enjoy myself.
I feel guilty about going out and getting myself a second pair of hees for work other than black pumps. I feel guilty wanting to go pick up one or two makeup items from Sephora or Ulta that are specialty skincare (no breakouts!) then wanting to pick up a new winter shirt or two. Or the need to replace a pair of jeans.
Plus It’s Christmas near NYC. I want to take the train into the city to see the museum and Rockefeller. But it’s SOOOOOOOOOO expensive.
I can afford for me to go – but paying for FH’s way everywhere we go (movies, restaurants, breakfast, bagels, lunch etc) means ultimately… I can either choose to do somethign with him. Or buy the jeans and heels I want to feel like I look decent.
I work 60-70 hours a week in a stressful enbironment. I FEEL like i should have the right to buy a second pair of shoes so I don’t constantly pound my heels… and a pair of jeans that are nice, dark wash that look professional.
I feel like I shoould get to enjoy some small portion of my money. But then I feel guilty that I could be doing something for us? Saving for us or goign out.
I’m feeling jealous that he -never- contributes.
Am I wrong?
Every time i mention he needs a job that actually pays him worthwhile, he promises he’s looking – but .. He won’t let me help, and I can’t actually figure out when/where he’s looking. I get the sense he’s not.:(
What to do? Am I wrong?