As sexual desire and RESPECT is a HUGE part of a marriage and that healthy relationship… I have to say that your post disturbs me greatly.
I personaly wouldn’t marry this man without going thru some significant counselling about these issues (and for me at least I am reading here more than one issue)
Acceptance of the other person is KEY in a marriage… and being able to work thru things like this (sexual difficulties) is very important (and this is true of ALL Marriages, because at some point in time there will be sexual issues / difficulties… for everyone)
IF he says his issues are OCD related, then he should be getting some counselling to come to terms with those issues (so he can be the best husband possible for you… what he should want / strive to be as your Fiance)
BUT all that aside, there are sexual issues here you both have to deal with… honestly his behaviour is taking its toll on you and your mental health
Altho I APPLAUD you for obviously being able to get strong now and deal with the issues that the Rape caused you (looks to me like you have a very healthy attitude about your sexuality… and working thru issues… such as penis acceptance).
YOU are not responsible for WHAT HE IS FEELING ABOUT YOU in regards to sex … these are HIS HANG UPS NOT YOURS.
And as I said, quite frankly they are RED FLAGS for me… when you LOVE someone enough to want to marry them, then you should LOVE and ACCEPT ALL OF THEM
His reactions towards your vagina are very disturbing… he is only amplifying what you’ve been thru (and made great inroads in regards to recovery from)… this man is dragging you down thru his lack of embracing, ACCEPTING and LOVING your vagina as part of you
I mean seriously… he ONLY wants his penis to touch it !!? WTF !!
To me this clearly shows he isn’t fully accepting of you… he is clearly sending you a message that your vagina is not normal.
Honestly, your vagina may not look like most (but then again no 2 vaginas look alike any how). BUT it is yours.
IF he can only be “around it” to have penetration sex… then he is quite frankly using your orfice for his own pleasure
So ya I wouldn’t settle for this behaviour at all… not now when you are Engaged (a time when it should be super difficult to keep your hands off each other)… Because down the road you could be facing a sexless marriage and that my dear truly sucks (and leaves one feeling really sad, confused, unloved and even ugly)
And with all that you’ve been thru… and as far as you’ve come… you deserve sooo much more out of life.
So ya, he needs to go get some counselling for his OCD issues, and the two of you should go see a Sex Therapist too so you can fully understand what is going on in your relationship, how to move past it, and how to have a happy healthy functional and sexual marriage.
(( HUGS ))