(Closed) Inexperienced with weddings: Is this my (financial) problem or my guests'?

posted 5 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Is this my financial problem or my guests?
    You chose the far venue, you should take care of their transportation. : (16 votes)
    8 %
    You didn't force them to drink! The costs and inconveniences they incur is all on them. : (168 votes)
    84 %
    Just pick a venue closer to home, even if that compromises what you want, because its convenient. : (16 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    856 posts
    Busy bee

    If that were me going to a wedding that far away, I’d go with a group of people and get a designated driver.

    If people can’t afford to stay over/get a cab back, then they don’t drink. Not everyone has to drink, and they can decide themselves if having a drink is worth the price of the hotel/taxi.

    If I have a dinner party and invite people over, they make that decision. I think it’s fair they do the same at a wedding!

    ETA: just putting this out there, I see a lot of posts about people making sure their guests don’t drink and drive. Is that a serious problem?! I thought it was just common sense not to do that. Or is that because in the US/Canada a lot of places are far apart from each other and so people just chance it?

    Post # 4
    3183 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t think it is your obligation to provide transportation. However, it would be nice to give your guests some options such as having the number for taxis somewhere. 

    I don’t think it’s selfish to have a venue that distance away, but people might be inclined to not stay as long/drink as much. So if that’s what you are going for you should be fine. If you want to encourage people to stay longer you might want to look at getting a shuttle, but I don’t think you are in any way obligated to do that. 

    Post # 5
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    While it’s nice of you to think of, it is in no way your responsibility that they don’t drive drunk.  Honestly, it’s up to them to either drink responsibly, find a hotel, or appoint a DD and/or carpool.  If you want to keep people from getting plastered, only do open bar during cocktail hour (with limited offerings like wine, beer, and champagne after) and/or cut off the bar about an hour before the end.  As a plus, you’ll also save some money by limiting the bar hours.

    Post # 6
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    It’s not your obligation. Most likely guests will think ahead and figure out a designated driver for the car group.

    Post # 7
    3969 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    If people feel that they need to stay the night, they will get their own hotel rooms (you should make a block at a local hotel to make it easier for them to book themselves). 

    Post # 8
    2227 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I can see both sides of the coin; it depends how important it is to you. You can spring for a bus if it matters to you that people come/don’t drink & drive & can afford it (I would & know many people who have). Or go the “figure it out yourself” strategy & just let the cards fall where they do. Keep in mind that might be the difference between some people staying later or even coming at all. The middle ground in my mind is making accomodations (hotel/bus tickets reservatios) & putting them in your invites for guests to arrange.

    I don’t think you’re being selfish yet by choosing a far away venue. The way you accomodate your guests is going to dictate that.  🙂

    Post # 10
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My venue is 30 minutes (at least) from EVERYONE including me. I’m on a tight budget as well. I’m only serving beer and wine and I’ve heard of people stop serving their guests at least and hour before the reception ends to give them time to sober up. I guess that’s what I plan on doing. What are you serving your guests to drink?

    Post # 11
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    As adults, it’s THEIR responsibility not to get drunk so they can’t drive home.  

    However, I think it would be nice to either provide transportation or choose a venue that’s closer/easier to get to.  The problem with transportation is that it sounds like it would take a REALLY long time to go back and forth, so everyone is going to be scrambling for the bus so they’re not stuck there for another hour and a half.  Which means that your reception may end earlier than you want it to.  

    I think choosing a more convenient venue is your best bet.

    Post # 13
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @LostInWonderland:  Maybe you can give the bartender a heads up about guests who he sees too often coming back for more drinks and also security is required for alcohol so police will be there. That is a tough one though.

    Post # 15
    38 posts
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @LostInWonderland:  whether the reception is close to home or 40 minutes away, won’t your guests be driving all the same? do you think if it was closer to home that they would take cabs? i think most people usually prefer to drive (uless you’re in NYC where i am). i think it’s their responsibility to stay sober if they’re driving. i think your concern is admirable, and you could always stop serving alcohol 1 hour before the reception ends (like they do at ballgames). i doubt a cash bar will deter someont who’s been drinking for 3 hours straight.

    Post # 16
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    it is the guest’s responsibility to get home safely. I don’t think its any better to let people drink 5 minutes drunk vs. 40 minutes. They are still driving drunk which is incredibly irresponsible.

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