Post # 1
I’m aware as brides we are going to have to handle at least a little bit of drama regarding invitations. I knew that going into this wedding planning process, I tried to prepare myself, etc.
BUT nothing prepared me for this situation!
A college friend of mine whom I had not spoken to for at least a year (she had moved away and was going through some mental health issues so she was a little distant) contacts me for the first time in about a year and demands to know WHY she was not invited to our wedding, how disappointed in me and shocked she was, how she had been there for me SO much, that she hadn’t talked to me due to her mental illness, the whole nine-yards.
*I had sent out some save the dates but didn’t have them all out yet. She heard some mutual friends talking about the wedding, I believe. I calmly let her know that my save the dates were not yet invitations and secondly, not all my save the dates were out yet! I also expressed that I was upset for her contacting me in such a negative way after all this time. She didn’t seem to see my side and instead was passive aggressive and said things like “I wish you well.”
Before this outburst I was considering inviting her but wasn’t sure due to the venue guest restrictions. Now I am at a loss. I feel very weird when I think of the situation and am unsure what to do. My fiance says I should simply not invite her (hes not a fan of her) but I’m honestly feeling a little sad doing that since I think she really wants to come (I mean who would take the time to contact me like that if they didn’t?) But then again I don’t feel I want her there on our wedding day, especially since I felt she was rude and could have went about the situation in a different way. I understand she was upset but she was very accusing and assuming and didn’t know anything about the wedding since she hadn’t cared to ask…
What would you do? Would you invite her? Not invite her and not tell her anything about it? Not invite her and explain to her why not?
Post # 3
Personally, I would not invite her and not contact her about not inviting her. If she contacts you asking why or complaining after your wedding is over just tell her that you were considering sending her a save the date before she made that phone call. I think it is just ridiculous that she freaked out on you like that.
You say you think she truly wants to come to your wedding, but to me it actually doesn’t sound like she has good intentions behind her reasons for wanting to come. If she really wanted to be a part of your life or be more of a friend she would have been working on contacting you BEFORE your wedding. A lot of people don’t want to be left out when they find out that other friends are invited to something and they aren’t. It’s so elementary school. Just think back to how it felt to not receive an invitation to a birthday party that one of your friends was going to.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t bother contacting her. That was way out of line.
Post # 5
@helpabeeoutplease: Nope. Anyone who needs to “demand” an invitation is probably someone you shouldn’t invite anyway. Mental illness or not, she is way out of line.
Post # 6
@helpabeeoutplease: Just answer this: Do you really want her there?
If so, great, invite her.
If not, then don’t. Blame it on the venue restrictions.
It’s kinda shit that some people lose friends when they don’t invite them to weddings, but I guess that’s just the way some people are. Consider that you may lose her as a friend, and decide how much it would really matter to you if you did.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
@ksus07: Yep. That’s the real question.
She sounds like a bit of a nightmare, but if you want her there, invite her!
Post # 8
Thanks ladies!! Does anyone think she will come back and ask AGAIN? I’m seriously dreading even thinking about it.
Post # 9
Don’t invite her. If she asks why, tell her the truth. Or tell her that you’re making cuts to the guest list.
Post # 10
@helpabeeoutplease: It’s hard to say without knowing the history of your friendship. If you’ve shared a lot of good times and remember her fondly then I’d invite her. People go through various hardships in their life and distance themselves. I find that happy events such as weddings and babies help to bring people back together. Having a mental illness is a part of who she is but it surely can’t be the whole picture of your friendship.
Post # 11
@helpabeeoutplease: I wouldn’t invite her because she assumed she wasn’t invited.
Secondly, if you invite her she is going to think you invited her because of her tantrum. Its a lose-lose situation.
You wedding day should be a happy one, no need for people like her to be there
Post # 12
Honestly, if you’re having to question whether or not to invite someone, I would probably just not invite them. And there is never a need to tell someone that they are not invited. If they ask, which is very rude to do on their part, just tell them you had venue restrictions and kept it to a smaller affair.
Post # 13
If you don’t want her there, then don’t have her…simple as that. You don’t want her and neither does your fiancé.
I don’t think you need to owe her an explanation but if she asks for one then I would say, sorry but there is a limit on space and I haven’t seen you for a while.
Post # 14
People who love you would not be demanding an invitation, this reflects poorly on them and it makes them selfish. It’s almost as if they seek validation for being invited. You have to be ready to lose some friends this way and she doesn’t sound like much of a keeper
Post # 15
@helpabeeoutplease: Weddings make people crazy. Not just the bride but also the guests. People get super offended by… even the smallest things. One of my friends had a VERY small wedding, with a very limited budget. Her rule about guests was, if you had not met her son, you weren’t invited. End of story.
A good friend of ours, who had not met this friend’s year old son got SUPER offended and stop speaking to this girl… and they are no longer friends.
Basically, I think that if you were planning on inviting her before this outburst, just invite her.