Infertility and April Fools jokes

posted 7 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tiffanybruiser :  exactly. I took a break from Facebook last mother’s Day because it hurt too much. 

Post # 17
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

happiekrappie :  wow.  You don’t get it. When you are infertile it IS hurtful to see pregnancy announcements when they are legitimate. We are saying it is EVEN MORE HURTFUL when someone who isn’t pregnant is posting it as a JOKE. Of course we are happy when people are legimately pregnant, but no infertile person will deny that they are not also sad when a friend or family member announces their pregnancy.

While people who are making fake pregnancy announcements are not intentionally saying “haha I’m pretending to pregnant because you cannot”, it hurts to see announcements regardless and it is just awful when they are fake. 

Also, I can tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that no one with infertility would EVER joke about being pregnant.

Post # 18
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

We have unexplained infertility and I wouldn’t find this kind of joke funny but more so I would think of my friends who have had multiple miscarriages and one whose baby was stillborn and it would hurt them a lot. A PP said people are offended by everything these days. This doesn’t fall under that category.

If it’s funny between you and your husband that’s all well and good but why risk upsetting someone?

Post # 19
Member
12096 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

When you post something to your personal social media, it is not going into outer space, rather it is aimed at each person in that audience. Not knowing someone’s personal situation, would you ever tell that same “joke” to each person on your list, individually? 

It’s not about being PC, it’s about being a sensitive and compassionate person. 

Post # 20
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

happiekrappie :  This is not about what infertile people should or should not do – and for the record, most do end up taking social media breaks and do stay away from movies or situations where peole are pregnant. And look, we understand that we can’t avoid the pregnancy announcements or people having babies and deal with that in our own way.

This is solely about the fact that you shouldn’t make a dumb, intentional joke that could hurt someone much more than you realize. It’s about being a sensitive, kind person and, honestly, doing the right thing.

Post # 21
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

 happiekrappie :  “Honestly, if someone is so sensitive about pregnancy announcements/jokes then perhaps they should stay off of social media for their own mental health.”

The ability to carry a child to term is a privilege that not every woman can have. 

I’ve had multiple miscarriages and haven’t been able to EVER carry to term.  What about women who’ve had ovarian cancer or uterine cancer and lost their ovaries or uterus before conceiving?  What about women who need fertility treatments but can’t afford them?  What about transwomen who want to have children but can’t?  

I’m okay with most jokes, but this one is one of privilege and is just cruel and utterly insensitive.

Post # 22
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think if it’s a private joke, then knock your socks off, but to do it publicly in a social media forum is extremely poor taste.  I’m currently in the midst of a fertility battle.  3 surgeries for endometriosis, 4 egg retrievals, still never been pregnant and over $50k spent so far, with another $10k spent on surgeries.  It’s not a joking matter in any way, shape or form.  Seeing real pregnancy announcements is hard enough for someone who is experiencing infertility, let alone a fake announcement.  There is a very real possibility I won’t be able to have biological children, and adoption is also incredibly expensive, and we certainly don’t have unlimited funds.  It’s a difficult concept to wrap your head around that for most people, pregnancy is relatively easy to achieve.  I always thought that when I wanted to have a baby, I’d stop birth control, and get pregnant.  It’s unbelievably devastating when life doesn’t work out that way.  And it’s hard to watch other people in your life achieve something that you want so desperately.  So, to see pregnancy reduced to a joke is very upsetting.  

I do understand that we have become a society that is offended by everything, and I too, dislike this.  It’s pretty difficult to offend me, but I guarantee a fake pregnancy announcement would get you blocked pretty quickly from my page.  Infertility is a medical condition, and it affects 1 in 8 couples trying to get pregnant.  You wouldn’t make a joke about someone having cancer, why would you ever think it’s ok to joke about a fake pregnancy??

And while I’m on my soap box… it’s never ok to ask a woman when she is planning on having kids.  Also, not ok to ask a woman if she is pregnant.  I’ve had both happen (endometriosis bloat is a very real thing, there have been times when I look pregnant).  Asking me either of these things will get you a pretty nasty response.  Ok, end rant!

Post # 23
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I dealt with infertility for 5 years.  These kind of jokes or pranks had zero impact on me. Of course,  I was never the jealous type, so I had no problem with friends or relatives announcing their happy news, either. Just because I didn’t have something doesn’t mean it hurt me that others did. Idk. I just don’t get that mentality.

Post # 24
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Thank god you’re not reproducing.

Post # 25
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Just because you aren’t offended, doesn’t mean it isn’t offensive.

Post # 26
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

jannigirl :  Do you really have no ability to understand that others may find it offensive though even if it never phased you seeing friends etc have babies throught your years TTC? I’m not what you call the “jealous type” in general. I don’t get jealous of people’s bigger houses, supercars or massive diamond rings but infertility is different. 

Post # 27
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Look. As someone who has dealt with both infertility and loss (two losses, in fact), I can tell you that ESPECIALLY after my losses, any kind of pregnancy announcement literally felt like a punch in the chest. It was physically painful. I am completely aware that my reaction was not rational and I felt no ill will towards the lucky mama-to-be. But it still hurt like hell and it was hard to even look at the person for a few days while I adjusted to and accepted the idea. If that person was the type to publicly post a bump picture or excited pregnancy memes every few weeks, yes, I probably would have had to unfollow them on social media for my own mental health.

I completely understand that someone who has not been through infertility and /or loss can’t possibly understand that particular pain. How could you? But knowing what I know, I would never, EVER post a fake pregnancy announcement publicly. In fact, I’m lucky enough to be pregnant now (hopefully this one sticks around), and I do not plan to post any public announcement. My close family and friends will know, but I do not want to inadvertently cause someone pain. Infertility is a private, lonely struggle, and I do not know who among my social media acquaintances may be suffering right now.

Post # 28
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Who the hell actually fakes a pregnancy as a prank? I just think it is incredibly immature and quite frankly, dull. 

Post # 29
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

anonomee :  I have seen it happen quite a bit. A few years ago there was one people were posting that was an ultrasound picture of twins. It’s disheartening.

Post # 30
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

tommywantwingy :  no, actually, I don’t think that part was stupid at all but I realized it was insensitive, so I deleted it. 

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