- 9 months ago
I’m interested to hear if anyone has had changes in faith while dealing with infertility.
I considered myself atheist for much of college and more recently (even prior to TTC) have been a bit more confused. Over the last few years I’ve kind of teetered, my husband and I went to church weekly for a few months, then stopped and I kind of felt disconnected again.
I feel like God has gotten brought up a lot by others during my infertility journey. I frequently hear “it’ll happen when God is ready,” “don’t worry it’s all in God’s plan,” when our testing came back all normal “see! You don’t have infertility, God just wasn’t ready for you to get pregnant yet” (this one made me super angry). I hate to think if there is a God that he would not allow my husband and I to conceive for so long when we have a stable income, home and a happy marriage (a much better environment for a baby than others who accidentally get pregnant sometimes can provide).
But then this morning, while I was in the shower and thinking through if I’m finally pregnant right now (we had our first IUI one week ago), I found myself praying. I haven’t even tried praying in years, but I found myself begging God to make this work (but also, science). I just felt this overwhelming need for something higher to make this happen for me, I am so tired of not being in control of this situation and I was just begging. Then as I was driving to work today I was listening to Taylor Swift’s new album (obsessed) and in one of her songs she says “desperate people find faith so now I pray to Jesus too” and now I’m obsessing.
Would love to hear if anyone can relate to my existential crisis!