- 2 months ago
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
Bees, I need help.
Fiance and I have been together almost 3 years. Our wedding is in June. Our relationship is great. We have fun, we’re total goofballs together. I feel like I can totally be myself. I feel like I have a true partner in all the ways. We have great sex.
However…Fiance has expressed on several occasions that me being more assertive in the bedroom or even just initiating things more, would be a big turn on and definitely spice things up a bit. I DO try to initiate things sometimes, but I think I just suck at it, so it comes off more as playful than sexy, if that makes sense.
Fiance is incredibly confident, outgoing, and very assertive in everyday life. The kind of person you can’t help but notice and always grabs your attention, but in a good way. Funny, relatable, a total extrovert, and definitely more of a dominant personality. I, on the other hand, tend to be more quiet at first and watch people and like to to size up a room. I speak when I feel I have something to add to a conversation, and otherwise tend to be more of an observer, especially in crowds I don’t know well. I’m definitely an introvert and it shows. I wouldn’t say I have a “submissive” personality, but more of a reserved one. I’m careful with what I say and do, always measuring the right response. I wouldn’t say I have a ton of confidence when it comes down to it, though I’ve gotten great at faking it over the years. Hah. I definitely have body issues that make me feel less-than-sexy most of the time.
All that said, I have a lot of difficulty being assertive in the bedroom with my Fiance. When I try, I just feel ridiculous and it definitely shows. From there, it’s just a pile of awkwardness that inevitably devolves into a fit of giggles. For example, I once bought a cute little silk nightie with a matching thong. I took a bath and slipped into it, only to awkwardly slink out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where I was obvsiously not feeling super confident lol. Fiance said the nightie was cute, but wondered why I looked like I wanted to hide under a pile of blankets or maybe just crawl into the nearest wall. Not. Sexy. I had imagined walking out all sexy like and having amazing sex where we couldn’t keep our hands off each other…execept I didn’t feel sexy. I felt ridiculous! And it showed. My body image definitely played a role in this, though Fiance is always telling me how sexy I am. It’s all me. I know this.
The same is true when it comes to “dirty talk.” I can’t do it. I feel so freaking silly and can’t help but giggle, even tho I know Fiance would LOVE it if I could pull it off with a straight face. Ugh.
Bees…how do I fix this? How can I be more assertive when I can’t even take myself seriously? Is there a middle ground here, where I can be myself, but also sexy and alluring somehow? Gah, even that made me cringe hah. And the thing is, I LOVE sex. It’s really up there on the list of NEEDS for me. But as far as taking what I want and being assertive goes, especially with FI? I’m at a total loss, even tho I’ve been able to do it with people in the past (NOT something I would EVER say to Fiance, btw).