Post # 1
If you and your significant other go out to dinner with your parents, who pays? If you go out with your (future) inlaws, who pays?
My parents, for better or worse, still think of me as a child in many ways. Maybe not “a child” as much as “their child.” As in, “I will always be their daughter.” Though on occassion we could try to pay, the general assumption is that my parents will pay because that is just the dynamic of our relationship. I think it is also a cultural thing. The parents take care of their children for as long as they can (until it is the children’s turn to take care of the parents!)
We go out with his parents far less often. But when we do, we pay or we split the check unless they have specifically invited us out for an particular occassion. I think in their family, once a child is grown up and independent, the parents relinquish some of the things they would have done for their children in earlier years. It’s interesting how family dynamics can differ in small but significant ways.
Post # 3
In our families, parents always pay. We’ve tried taking the check but they won’t let us usually!
Post # 4
parents always pay for us. he tried to pay my dad, but my dad’s rule is he pays for everyone/all of our friends too until the kids make more then him. which unfortunatley for us will probably never happen. and his dad always pays for us, that’s just how it’s always been.
Post # 5
jocelyn- our situation is exactly the same. We dont go out with his mom very often, and usuaully we split with her or I have to pay. Rarely she will pay for us. She doesnt think it is her job to support him in any way anymore. I dont think we have ever once gone out to eat with his dad.
My parents on the other hand, ALWAYS pay for us. Once in awhile my FH will pay if it is a special occassion. In their eyes I am still their little girl, and always will be. Their parents were the same way with them. My FH grandparents were the same with his parents as they are with us.
Post # 6
I love my future inlaws!! They are so good to me, they treat me as their own child! When we do go out, they do pay for lunch/dinner, we have offered several times, but they always say NO! And the same goes for my family, when we go out with my parents its the same way!
Post # 7
My folks have been married for nearly 30 years now, and it’s STILL that way with my grandparents. My dad’s parents always insist on paying; my mom’s parents request separate checks before the waitresses even start taking orders. I remember we went out to celebrate my brother’s high school graduation, and mom’s mom paid for my brother’s meal, while Mom and Dad paid for theirs and mine; the whole family was totally shocked when Grandma asked to have him included on their check.
Post # 8
Aw, both our sets of parents always get the check, but Fiance & I buy them dinner when they don’t expect it… like take-out if we go on vacation with them and everyone’s sunburnt from a day on the beach! hehe 🙂
I actually wish they’d let us more often, I feel bad about it sometimes! They never take us up on our offers.
Post # 9
our parents still pay. but come to think of it, when my grandparents were still alive, they used to pay for the WHOLE fam. I think it’s just what parents do….
Post # 10
My parents always pay. We usually split when going out with his family but I think it’s more because they aren’t terribly well off and they would pay if they could.
Post # 11
My parents always pay. They always ask us to choose the restaurant, too. 🙂 With my husband’s family, it depends on who’s visiting whom. If we are at his parents’ house, they will pick a restaurant but only pay if they have coupons. If we want to go somewhere specific or they don’t have any coupons, we pay. When they comes to our house, we always pay, no matter who picks the restaurant. I think it’s just because my Mother-In-Law is super cheap. She would honestly rather starve than have to pay for food she doesn’t have a coupon for.
Post # 12
with my family, they always pay, because they have told me that they still want to help me until i’m financially stable myself.
with my boyfriend’s family they will pay occasionally, most of the time my boyfriend will pay or his mom will give him money for dinner before we go out and then he gives the money back to his mom for the bill (it’s very odd?).
the funny/odd thing about his family is that we live in a condo that his mom helped us out with financially. even though we pay the mortgage, etc, she still refuses to let us have an animal in the house (no dogs and definitely no cats!). i feel like i’m 10 years old. if it were my parents, the situation would be completely different.
Post # 13
same here – his parent live in maine and will generally insist on paying for everything when they come to see us. but when we go out w/my mom, unless it’s a special occasion, we generally split the check.
Post # 14
If we go out with my mom, she almost always pays. With my ILs, we always pay for our portion and they pay for theirs. The only time they took us out and paid was when they took us out to celebrate our engagement.
Post # 15
both my family and his family do not let us pay, even if it was our idea to go out! Thia can be very frustrating but thats how parents are sometimes!
Post # 16
The assumption when we go out with my parents is that they will pay. We don’t go out to dinner with them very often though, it is generally for something like for one of our birthdays or something. If I’m alone with my mom sometimes I’ll pick up the check (since I started working last year) and she is always surprised/grateful. She is happy to pay… but I think there is some pride in letting me pay too because I’m finally an adult who can AFFORD it. 🙂 I think in the future if we tried to pick up the check they would probably let us on occasion.
With FI’s dad/stepmom they ALWAYS pay. We went to a baseball game with them once and I went to get a hotdog and his stepmom threw herself in front of me to pay for it. It was pretty funny. 🙂 Then I bought everyone drinks later and they tried to reimburse me haha. With FI’s mom, she definitely lets him pay. Last time she came to visit, he paid for her hotel room and for most of the meals.