(Closed) inlaw issues :( rant

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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jazzyb2016:  your husband should congratulate them for taking their persecution complex to the self-fulfilling prophecy level. 

In other words, keep it up and they will be right, you guys won’t want them near baby! 

 

Post # 3
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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jazzyb2016:  They are crazy. No one except the father (and obviously medical staff) gets to be in the delivery room unless the mother wants them there. I know one friend – one – who had her own mother there, and she was from a non-western culture. Of all my friends who are mothers, I do not know a single one who had her inlaws in there.

Stand your ground. It is not normal to have your inlaws at the delivery, and they are being unreasonable to ask.

Your husband could ask his mother who was in the delivery room at her births. But she sounds so crazy, reasoning might not help.

EDIT: And waiting until the next day is fine too. After my births I needed to rest, and time with just husband and baby. No one, not even my own mother, came to see me and the baby until after I’d had a rest. That meant later in the day (for a morning birth) or not until the next day (for a night birth).

Post # 4
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

That’s horrible. Your body, your (and husband’s) baby, your choice. Do not for one second feel bad about not having them in the delivery room. 

Post # 5
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

That’s crazy, absolutely stand your ground on this. I think your Fiance needs to make it as clear as he can (and I’m sure he is trying, but maybe he just needs to be even more direct) that this isn’t you, this is you AND him saying “no, you can’t be in the delivery room”

And this may be the immature, vindictive part of me, but I’d really want to add to that “everytime you bring this up we are going to add a day where you don’t get to see the baby – so you bring it up again you won’t see the baby at the hospital, bring it up 7 more times it will be a week, etc.” It’s just an outrageous request and I can’t believe there are people who feel entitled to be part of such an incredibly private and intimate moment. I mean, are they pissed they weren’t there for the conception of the baby too?

Also, I’d just block them on Facebook. No one needs that extra drama. You can’t get upset about it, if you can’t see it. 

Post # 6
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Ugh @ grown women posting vindictive drama-seeking b.s. on Facebook, their shit-stirring will only make themselves look bad.

I’m sorry Bee, the Mother-In-Law and SIL sound like nightmares, I can’t imagine why they would turn down your numerous efforts to be nice to them and then make false claims about you not being nice to them.

It’s totally understandable for you and your husband to share your baby’s birth together and include them afterward. It’s awful that Mother-In-Law and SIL are like this, but it’s good to hear that your husband will stand up to them and be firm about the delivery room.

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BalletParker:  totally agree, Mother-In-Law and SIL are bringing this all on themselves and I can definitely see it being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Post # 8
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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jazzyb2016:  You are so lucky that your H is 100% on your side! You’ve got a good one! I have too many friends dating momma’s boys and I just can’t even imagine why they stay in a relationship where their BF/FI/H sides with their mom all the time!

One of FI’s good friend’s mom sounds similar to your Mother-In-Law. When his wife got pregnant with their 1st child, she sent out e-mails and even called her ex (his father, whom she never talks to) and told him before they could! They are pregnant with their second now and announced it on Facebook so at least it was coming from them and not her.

Post # 10
Member
922 posts
Busy bee

First of CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!!! Having a baby is stressful enough without feeling like people are forcing their wants or desires on you so please remember that you are the one having the baby and what you say goes. Even if you had an amzing relationship with them but didnt want them in the room that would be completely fine.

I rememeber with my first little one my mum and hubbies mum were both in the room. On one hand it was good because hubby had some support but on the other hand when I had my second and it was just me and hubby in the room it was so much more intimate, and I guess relaxed because I wasnt thinking about anyone but us and the baby.

Please dont give in to her crazyness, enjoy your baby and never be afraid to asser the fact that YOU are the mother, because by the sounds of it she is probably going to be a pain once your little one arrives.

Post # 11
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

Everything BalletParker said. 

 

Congratulations! Don’t give them another thought.

Post # 12
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

What the hell? You have crazy amount of patience. I’m very surprised you still allow them to interact with you. I mean its nice your husband is supportive and takes your side but how much abuse does he expect you to take? 

Cut these negative people out before you get sick from chronic stress.

Post # 13
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Also unfollow on Facebook, don’t reply to feed into their craziness. Let your hubby stand up for you.

Post # 14
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Just don’t tell them when you go into labour.  If they don’t know it’s happening, there’s no way they can barge  in there. She sounds like a nightmare.

Post # 15
Member
2198 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely keep them out of the delivery room. Why would they think you’d want people who treat you like scum in there? Definitely crazy

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