posted 6 months ago in Family
  • poll: How often do you see your in-laws
    3 times a week : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Once a week : (8 votes)
    14 %
    Twice a month : (6 votes)
    10 %
    Once a month : (9 votes)
    15 %
    Less often : (34 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 2
    6915 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We live about 3 hours from my parents and 8 hours from his. We see my parents about once every other month. We see his every few months but usually stay for about a week when we visit.

    When we lived closer to his parents (about 15 minutes away) we saw them every weekend. I did get tired of it sometimes but my husband was always respectful of that and would either go without me (without complaint) or we’d make other plans and tell them we wouldn’t be seeing them that week.

    You need to discuss this with your husband. It should be okay if you don’t feel like visiting his parents every week or multiple times a week and you need to make sure you are still having time to yourselves as a couple. 

    ETA: And it’s completly hypocritical of him to get upset for you skipping out on seeing his parents if he doesn’t go with you every time you visit yours.

    Post # 3
    4156 posts
    Honey bee

    smartnsassy123 :  normal is different for every family, but he really cannot expect you to spend 4-12 hours a week visiting his family if he won’t even see yours for 2 hours a month. How does he explain that? For what it’s worth I wouldn’t want to see my in laws every week either. 

    Post # 4
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    We live with my mother now as she is disabled from a stroke. His parents live about 10 mins from us. I see them once or twice a week…sometimes more. He sees them about the same unless he’s helping them with something. His family is very close and we are very close to his parents. 

    Post # 5
    2900 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    We are five minutes from mine and his. We see my parents and his mom twice a week (sometimes more), and his dad once a month (DH doesn’t get along with him at all, but we need to go over to clean the house, drop off food, organize medicine and let him see the kids). 

    OP your situation would annoy me, just because they demand so much time, plus the drive! That’s about six hours each visit. It would be too much for me.

    Post # 6
    147 posts
    Blushing bee

    I was in a similar situation.  It got to the point where we were spending every single weekend with his dad.  We both work crazy hours so Saturday is really our only day to hang out with each other, and instead of living our lives and doing what we wanted to do, we were sitting around the house with his dad.  And FI’s dad and I don’t even get along!  The situation kind of solved itself once FI’s dad started dating and eventually got remarried.

    You need to have a serious talk with your husband.  Each family is different, but expecting you to spend that much time with his parents seems unreasonable to me.  Holidays and family events are one thing, but four hour visits multiple times a week is insane.  I would start by slowly shaving down the number of visits–maybe two per week, then one per week, then maybe once every other week.  And you need your husband to be on board with this.

    Post # 7
    12611 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We live a several hour flight from my inlaws, and see them once, maybe twice, a year.  My FIL doesn’t like to travel and DH doesn’t get a ton of PTO, so we’re very limited.  Plus, they aren’t nice to me, so I don’t push to go more often.

    Post # 8
    4294 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    DH’s dad and both of my parents live several states away (about a 15-hour drive). MIL lives about a half hour away (was 10 minutes away). She’s been in and out of our lives because she’s extremely narcissistic and constantly starting drama. I haven’t seen her since August, but she’s recently back in our lives as of a month ago… Still haven’t seen her, but DH has seen her for 10 minutes to 2 hours a time an average of every other week. When she was 10 minutes away, she demanded in seeing DH multiple times a week and would call and complain if he wouldn’t stop by. In her eyes, in-laws aren’t relatives, so I don’t really matter.

    Post # 9
    1366 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

    I think that is quite a lot to expect. I wish I lived that close to my family and FILs. We live in MD, my family is in MA, and my FILs are in FL. We’re lucky to see my FILs once a year, and we see my family once or twice a year.

    Post # 10
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2016

    We’re a couple of hours away from his family (I don’t have any living family) and we haven’t seen them since Christmas. We’re about to move to Florida so I figure it’ll probably be the same amount we see them now. The lady that’s like my mom, I see her maybe once a month. We see her more than anybody else.

    Post # 11
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    We live in Idaho and my in-laws live in NH. We see them once or twice a year most years. My parents are in Ok. Until we moved here in November, we were about 3 hours from them. I saw them more often than DH did because I sometimes had work near my hometown but we saw them about once a month. 

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