(Closed) Inlaws just decided they are flying in on Thanksgiving night

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@brideatbeach:  Love your update. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Like others, I am so angry for you that the ILs AND your husband are refusing to take into account your parents’ needs. 

I also really like 

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MeiFrancis‘s idea of prepping double of everything while you’re with your mom. It would save you time plus spare you having to eat your husband’s bad cooking!

Post # 34
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@brideatbeach:  Some of our local restaurants have pick-up thanksgiving meals. Maybe one around you has the same. All you have to do is reheat stuff according to their instructions. It’s what Fiance and I are doing because it’s just the two of us and we have a tiny kitchen, but want a full thanksgiving.

Post # 35
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@brideatbeach:  This situation really stinks!  Could you start a roast or something in the crockpot before you leave for your parents’ house, then have a few cold sides (three bean salad, cranberry sauce) ready to pull out of the fridge? 

Post # 37
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@brideatbeach:  What a sticky situation… I am pretty vocal and would put my foot down… but I am not sure how that would work out in your situation…

8:30PM is entirely TOO LATE to be starting a second thanksgiving… its just too late… i think at best my in laws would arrive to my home to find left-over turkey with maybe some freshly made potatos, a veggie and perhaps a pie… anything else would just be a leftover from the previous dinner…. They would “get what they get… and not throw a fit” IMO

 

Good Luck Hun!

 

Post # 38
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@brideatbeach:  uhhhhh your DH should call them back, level with them about the limitations of what your father can do and apologize for jumping the gun. then say that they can let themselves in, there will be a special bottle of wine for them on the counter and you’ll be back around 8 to greet them!

 

Post # 39
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@brideatbeach:  Your dad has cancer.  If you say you think that will be too late for him and will just eat at home, NOBODY has the right to question that.  His health comes first!!

Post # 40
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@brideatbeach:  No no no. You do not need to do any of this. Here’s what I would do:

Apologize to ILs for the mix-up. Say you & DH got excited about them coming for Thanksgiving and jumped the gun, but your dad’s illness is, unfortunately, not going to allow for a visit. You’re super bummed! Instead, they should go to your house in the evening. You spend the whole day with your parents, leave in time to get home for ILs. Meanwhile, you’ve ordered a Thanksgiving dinner from the grocery store and have it stashed at home. Warm it up when you get home. You are so sorry you couldn’t “whip up a feast” but you really wanted to spend time with your dad, who — remember?– HAS CANCER. 

If anyone complains remind them that your dad freaking has cancer and therefore they can all shut the hell up. Seriously… you, your dad and your mom do NOT need extra stress. 

Post # 41
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Pack some leftovers to feed your in-laws when they arrive, and invite your parents over the next morning to your house to have an elegant brunch (or go out for an elegant brunch).

Post # 42
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Good Luck with everything. I hope you are able to come up with a reasonable solution! Let us know!

Post # 43
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let me just say how sorry I am about your dad’s illness.  My dad had cancer several years ago and I know how stressful it is to see someone you love and someone who took care of you all your life to suffer so severely.  If your Mother-In-Law has the big heart that you think she has, she will understand when your husband tells her that your father is just not up to having company right now.  Send your family’s regrets and then take them out to dinner or dessert when they arrive.  DO NOT spend all day cooking for them instead of spending time with your parents.  This Thanksgiving is going to be challenging for them anyway so having you guys there will be important to both you and them.

Post # 44
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brideatbeach:  I would tell the in laws that you jumped the gun, and that your dad is really low on energy right now due to his illness. You can make it sound like he is putting on  abrave face for you, but your mom confided that he will be too tired to host the in laws.

 

Tell the inlaws they can stay in a hotel for the night, and you will see them the next day, hosting at your parents is not possible. You can always take the leftovers home to your house, and serve the, to the inlaws (or if it is late at night, they can just come to your house and you will be there).

 

Honestly, sounds like your dad is not up to it right now, apologize to your inlaws and tell them he is not up for it, this time.

Post # 45
Member
2479 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I definitely think the way to go is a buffet-type supper of Thanksgiving goodies at your house. It is insensitive in the extreme to expect your parents to host another social gathering after Thanksgiving lunch given your father’s illness.

In fact I am quite cross at the very idea this would be appropriate because my DH has cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. He’s coping well but by heck, he’s tired and although he hates to give in to it, we’ve had to make compromises about how much can be fitted into a day. Your father will have had quite enough by 8pm and the tiredness that comes from cancer treatment simply can’t be shaken off.

Your DH, not you, needs to explain to his parents that it won’t be possible to eat at your parent’s house because your father isn’t well enough. If they have a compassionate bone in their bodies they will understand this and be just as happy with a different arrangement.

Post # 46
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d tell DH to fix the problem since he caused it. How rude of both him and his parents!

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