(Closed) Inlaws taking the family on a family vacay…but we have to pay my way?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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italianbride0508:  They phrased it really shabby. They should have just said “can you guys kick in half of your expenses” which would be the same effect without sounding like it’s specifically you. But the fact remains that they’re offering what sounds like a nice trip, half paid for. That’s what I would focus on. You talking about what else they’ve spent their money on comes off as bratty and entitled on your part. It sucks that they are no longer in position to pay for the whole thing but they’re still offering to pay half. Take it (and appreciate it) or leave it.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Daisy_Mae.
Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I mean, I see both sides here. You’re offended because they’re making you pay for yourself and no one else has to, yet I see that expenses are tight and they’re comfortable enough with you to say, “hey, we don’t got it. Can you help? We’ll still cover 50% for you guys.”

Money is always so incredibly uncomfortable to discuss. I wouldn’t take it personally at all. Just realize the situation and ask yourself if you want to go or not. If you do, pay. If not, don’t go. It sucks but I mean, this is your family now. You just have to move on.

Post # 4
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow.. No, I don’t think you are being ridiculous by being offended. I get that things come up but they offered to pay for the vacation, therefore they should honor that or discreetly ask BOTH of you to contribute. Once you’re married, it’s a package deal.  I think if it were me, I would tell my husband we are both not going and tell my inlaws that sorry, “something came up.”

Post # 5
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’d thank them nicely for the invitation and decline for both of you.  What they spend their money on is their business, not getting kicked around by them is yours.

Post # 6
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yes, I would be offended. It’s rude of them to plan a whole vacation without your input on cost because they say they are paying and then to withdraw the offer to pay.

I would think that the fair thing to do would be to have everyone cover a portion of the cost your ILs can no longer afford, rather than to put it all on you and your H. But obviously, that’s not what they chose to do. In your situation I really don’t know what I would do but I would probably start with having your H talk with his parents about how rude they are being.

Post # 7
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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italianbride0508:  I’d be upset too! It just comes aross as really rude, as if you’re not apart of the family or something.

Post # 8
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

If I were you I would decline, and ask your husband to decline too. That’s very unfair, they are spending your money when you were planning on a free trip. 

Post # 9
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

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karen12:  

I agree!

 

Post # 10
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

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italianbride0508:  that is frustrating, the whole you make more line. That really ticks my dh and I off when we get told that for family things. I can understand your frustration because if you take out the you make more line, why would they choose you. 

If it were my DH and myself. We would probably choose to both not attend. As a married couple you are a unit, just as the other married couples in the family. If it was someone you really wanted to go maybe I would cover the cost. But if its a vacation that your excited for, but wouldnt have chosen to go on if not covered, then I would choose not to go. But I dont think you should be alone in not going, it needs to be either both go or both stay. Imho

Post # 11
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would absolutely be offended.  They are singling you out for no apparent reason – I actually feel like there is way more to this than we know (or maybe even more than you know).  Like maybe there IS a reason.

Anyway, I’d passive-aggressive the SHIT out of this.  Well, I wouldn’t, but I would have your husband do it since they’re his parents.  Just have him say “oh we’d love to come, but we hadn’t budgeted this type of expense since you invited us on a vacation you said you’d pay for.  Hope you have a great time!  Also, how many times are you going to let sis fail a semester and keep paying her way at the expense of others?  Just curious.  Anyway, send us a postcard!  Hope the other spouses know they have nothing to worry about, mine’s the black sheep apparently.  OK – love you!  Safe travels!”

Ok, so maybe less passive and more aggressive.  But I say what the fuck I mean.

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It would bug me too. Why didn’t they ask the two of you to pay towards some of the expenses? It sounds clumsy and insensitive to me. Yes sometimes money becomes tight unexpectedly but it could have been handled as a team/family without singling you out.

Post # 13
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d be offended for sure. They could have just said “hey, finances got a little tight, would you mind helping pay a portion of your way?” In all honestly, though, I’d do what a PP said and just decline, saying you haven’t budgeted for this since they said it was going to be their treat. Sorry bee, that was crappy of them (how they worded it toward you).

Post # 14
Member
9913 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be offended.   You’re supposed to be part of their family.  They’ve made it clear that they don’t see it that way.  If it were me, I’d decline to go and say it wasn’t in the budget.  But for me, going on a vacation with my inlaws would be the last thing I’d want to do.  

Post # 15
Member
13624 posts
Honey Beekeeper

That’s offensive and stupid of them. Your in-laws should have treated you and H as a unit and either canceled the whole trip, ask that everyone chip in proportionally or privately asked H if you two would be willing to  pay more than the others under the circumstances. 

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