(Closed) Inner Feminist & Name Change Drama

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: What are you doing with your name after marriage?
    Changing my last name to his & keeping it traditional : (110 votes)
    48 %
    Keeping my last name & only going by my maiden name : (30 votes)
    13 %
    Not changing it officially, but I won't be offended if they call us Mr. & Mrs. So & So : (41 votes)
    18 %
    Dropping my middle name and using both last names : (19 votes)
    8 %
    Hyphenating : (16 votes)
    7 %
    Another variation (Please explain) : (15 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    5423 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Darling Husband really wanted me to change my name but I just wasn’t feeling it.  Everyone assumed I did and addressed everything “Mr. & Mrs” which is whatever.  What bothered me the most was the “mr and mrs his full name” as if I lost my first name too.  Its only been a month and I havnt done anything.  I may surprise him down the line with some sort of change but its currently not on my radar.  It took him a while to accept that I didnt want to so I think if I do something later he will def appreciate it. 

    Post # 4
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I am changing my last name to his, but not for the sake of tradition. I like the idea of having a family name, and I want the same name as my kids. If we were choosing to be childless, I’d probably keep my maiden name (and not be offended if people assumed I had changed). But because of children, I want the same name. Plus, I really don’t mind it, so I didn’t care to see if he would change to mine instead.

    Post # 5
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @soontobesaieed:  I don’t want to change my name, but Fiance wasn’t happy about that.  My reasoning is we’re not having kids so I don’t see why I would have to — everything is already titled in both of our names (my maiden name) cars, house, bills, etc.

    So I’m doing FirstName MiddleName 2ndMiddleName MaidenName FIsLastName

    We’ll see if that will fit on my driver’s license… :/

    Post # 6
    2840 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If I had married a man with the surname “Buttkiss” I might’ve reconsidered my traditional ways… but I took his last name (and it’s not Buttkiss!)

    Post # 7
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Agreed w/ PP, if anybody ever called me Mrs His Full Name, I’d flip, I am not taking his identity, just joining together as a family by taking his last name, yeesh! All my wedding vendors (especially officiant and band leader) were warned bridezilla style that if ANYBODY calls me Mrs His Full Name, their tip will shrink each and every time.


    That said I know a couple women who kept their own last name and it seems confusing and a pain in public, and once they have children it does sound annoying to have to say “…you know, Kid’s Mother….”. I would, even if I did keep my current last name, want the same last name as my children. That said, both of our last names are always spelled and pronounced incorrectly, so no difference there, lol, I think his name is prettier, I frankly love the idea of having a hispanic last name even though I’m hella white, and I think because I have a brother, I feel less badly about removing some of my last name from the world, since he’ll keep it no matter what. I could see if I were an only child or had all sisters feeling badly…but my identity is tied much more to my first name and me as a person than a last name.

    Post # 8
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I’m not a huge fan of changing mine either I never wanted to and wanted to have my last name forever even as a child dreaming of getting married I wanted to keep my last name but he won’t like it if I don’t and neither will his family so I’m going to have to and then *I* will be unhappy about it.

    Post # 9
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Not engaged yet but my SO does not expect me to change my name. I like the idea of having the same name, but I’m more uncomfortable with the misogynist aspects to the tradition so I think I will opt to keep my own name. 

    Post # 10
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @soontobesaieed:  I really wanted to keep my name, especially since it’s my second marriage and I know what a pain it is to change it.  But my FH pointed out that he changed his last name when he was adopted and that it means a lot to him and his family for me to take the family name.

    Post # 11
    7311 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    We are a household of 3 people with 3 different last names. I just respond to whatever. LOL

    Post # 12
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Ughh I have no idea. I probably won’t officially change it but I won’t care if someone calls me Mrs. Hislastname.

    Changing name just seems like such a pain, and I LOVE my last name, and I don’t really care for his over mine (it’s not bad, but I just like mine much better). 

    I’m afraid it’ll hurt his feelings though. = Even though it shouldn’t… haha. It’s not like he’d consider changing his.

    We haven’t really talked about it yet. A while ago he asked me, and I said “Probably?” because I had no idea and hadn’t thought about it yet. We’ll have to talk about it again.  

    Post # 13
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    @BookishBelle:  YES. I HATE the idea of the whole Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname. I’m like… uh.. I’m not HIM. So we will NOT be announced with his first name… I’ll be okay with being announced with his last name though, but I probably won’t bother to officially change it. 

    Post # 14
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    Kept my middle and last name and added his to the end, so now I have my full maiden name, but two last names. Professionally it made sense to keep mine, so that material that I published under my maiden name doesn’t get “separated” from the name I’m using now on the academic job market, but I wanted to add his too because we are planning to have children.

    In social situations, I’m perfectly fine with being called “Mrs. DH’s-Family-Name” ~OR~ “Mrs. Two-Last-Names.” The one that weirds me out is when people say “Mrs. Maiden-Name” – that sounds too much like my mom!

    Post # 15
    344 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I did not change mine when I married and not planning to, I’m too much of a feminist to do that. My Darling Husband does not care and although his father game me “the look” when Darling Husband said I don’t share their last name, they’re fine with it. It just depends, if you don’t want to do it, then don’t. They will too, get over it. Changing your name is a pain and it is not like every family shares a last name. There are far less families with the same last name than families that do have the same last name. Therefore, tradition is no longer a factor in your decision. 

    Post # 16
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    At first I was all about changing it.  Now… as it gets closer…. IDK….

    I’ll probably go ahead and do it before we have kids, but I might not change it officially for a while.

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