(Closed) Inpatiently patiently waiting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Perhaps could you bring it up as a way of asking him if you’re still on the same page? Sort of a “Hey you mentioned it awhile ago…and I’d hate to be strung along for another 3.5 years if you do not intend on marrying me.”

 Until then, focus on making yourself the best person you can possibly be for yourself, your daughter, and your SO. Don’t become mopey because of waiting, guys really don’t like that and I think it makes them want to push it off longer. 

Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

If getting married is important to you, you need to sit him down and get a timeline. If he doesn’t follow the timeline you need to walk. But don’t give ultimatums unless you’re 100% going to follow through. 

 

If hes a serious commitment phone about something that happened 2 decades ago he should get some counseling. many people come from a “broken home”. he needs to get over it. 

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I must admit I don’t understand guys who aren’t ‘ready’ for the commitment of marriage- but will have a child, buy a home together etc.  I don’t buy the ‘my parents divorced’ in most cases, I think it’s a too-convenient cop out. If by some chance he genuinely is afraid of marriage because of what he witnessed as a teen, he should have talked to you openly about this before you moved in together, before you had a child together, and he should seek counselling if it’s crippling his adult decision making. Saying ‘we very rarely fight’ isn’t necessarily a good thing if he’s shutting down when you try to discuss things and certain topics are taboo to bring up, this only means you superficially get along when you don’t deal with the serious stuff between you.

Since you already have a child and a home together, he owes you some honest answers about the future.

Post # 6
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You guys already have a kid together. Whether you are married or not, it will be just as horrible for your child if you split up. Tell him you want to commit to staying together for your child’s sake.

Post # 8
Member
10106 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

View original reply
mloverstreet:  Well, what a pain !  I really   feel had for you , I hate it that you have been made to  feel bad because you wanted to know about your own future . Not good enough  that he “doesn’t know when he wants to get married”  after several  years ,  a home and a child  and not good enough to be relegated to patiently waiting and not upsetting his delicate  sensibilities . I don’t get this business of them wanting it to be an utter and  complete surprise as if we  were 18th century maidens awakened by their manly charms ( oh Mr Man, this is so sudden, I do not  know what  to say…. )

Eff that  for a joke, he ‘s either on board   for marriage or not . Not very helpful of me I know , and I probably   shouldn’t even come and look at Waiting, I only get cross on behalf of nice- sounding women like you being messed about.

Post # 10
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
mloverstreet:  seems like you probably knew his view and issues with marriage from way back… could you ever accept that he will never want to get married? 

i am not saying he shouldn’t try to move past his childhood and understand that you & he are NOT his parents and you can both learn from their mistakes… butttttt, you also can’t force him to do something that terrifies him, or that he isn’t ready for and may never be ready for. 

maybe try counseling so he can get past the trauma of his parent’s divorce? also, perhaps maybe a third party can make him see how important marriage is to you. 

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