Post # 16
Does your husband know everything you have written? If he doesn’t understand maybe you should write it down for him exactly like you said it here. Surely if he knew the depth of your feelings he would agree to keep her away from you? He can visit her himself without you but he could ban her from your house and children.
Post # 17
- Wedding: October 2014 - Friends farm
I spoke to him last night and we had a big blow up. If i got or showed him I posted it online he would be so upset with me. He is really private and doenst handle these tipes of situation verry well. He gets really defensive if I mention his mother. Always telling me i only se the negative
Post # 18
Oh no I didn’t mean tell him you posted it online, just to write this whole story down for him to read. It’s terrible that he can’t see what you see. Perhaps a letter would be good, you could give it to him and then take your kids out to the park so he can read it and hopefully get over his anger before you come back.
Post # 19
I’ve totally been there, except it was with my father who was verbally abusive and everyone around me thinks I’m nuts because he’s an angel when they’re around. The good news is that things are getting better after I gave him a LOT less info on my life. Less to know, less to talk about.
I would say that it sounds like she’s jealous, and must have been a priority for so long that she’s incapable of recognizing how ridiculous and cruel she’s being. I’m a firm believer in honest discussions, I would talk to your husband and let him know that you’d like to have a conversation just you and her, maybe followed by one with him and her. Explain to her that if she continues to act this way, you will limit all interactions with her for yourself and subsequently your children, I would note though that you are in no way limiting her to your children or husband, just yourself. I had to do something very similar with my father to get him to stop, and essentially didn’t speak to him for two years other than the occasional holiday or happy birthday. It’s now getting better and I am finally able to have a relationship with him, but it unfortunately took me getting to my wits end before that happened.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you bee. I really hope she quits with the cruel worlds, especially about your little ones, that’s a huuuuge violation of her relationship with you and her son.
Post # 20
You poor thing! I’m so sorry that you have to deal with someone like her. I know this might not be possible but I would stop all communication with her and cut ties. She sounds toxic. I hope your DH will be supportive of you if this is what you choose to do. You’d be completely justified. She sounds like a terrible human being.
Post # 21
Sorry you’re dealing with this bee.
Just wanted to add, the bee and the internet are not doctors. Just because she matches a quiz on narcissm, doesn’t mean that’s the problem. If she used to be really sweet, and is almost 70, I would be concerned about the possibility of dimentia,as it can sometimes manifest in strange ways (i.e. paranoid thoughts)
If I was in your position, I would be expecting my SO to stand up and take care of his mum. I would be expecting he take her to the doctors to get a check up, and perhaps word the doctor up in advance of the strange behaviour?
He also needs to be the one to establish boundaries with her. Discuss it together first, about what you are comfortable with given her behaviour, and then he can be the one to either discuss it with her, or just enforce it. He needs to stand up for you.
Post # 22
What a strong woman you are! I want to give you a hug because you have been through so much in your life and you’re doing well in spite of it. Prayers to your children.
This Mother-In-Law is toxic enough to be cut out of your lives. Cutting off a parent is a last resort but sometimes it’s necessary when there are children involved and there is too much negativity and hate. Your Mother-In-Law sounds either mentally ill or just deeply flawed. Your family has to be protected from her.
Your husband should not be “laughing off” her horrible behavior. She has crossed the line too many times and you come first. Marriage counseling could help him see how awful his mother is and help him learn to set boundaries.
My husband and I bonded over having equally insufferable mothers. We avoid our moms most of the time which is easy because they both live far away. Both moms are narcissistic and rude. We won’t let them stay in our homes nor will we stay in theirs. They don’t like these boundaries but we don’t care because we have put up with their insults and intrusiveness long enough.