Post # 1
I am a regular poster but I signed up for this account to post something undercover that has been bugging me. My FH is the sweetest most wonderful man I have ever met. I love him to pieces. He is older than me by about 10 years and has a lot more “experience” than me. When we got together I had only been with one other person before and he knew that. He revealed to me that I was number 67! That’s right, 67. I know that he had a bad break up 7 years ago and called off a wedding when he caught someone cheating and he sort of figured he would never settle down after that. He said the only way he got through the breakup was to throw himself into a bunch of meaningless one night stands and date girls he knew he wasn’t serious about. He said he regrets his past and he wishes he hadn’t sown quite so many wild oats but he just didn’t know I existed and that he should hold out for someone special like me. I know he was always safe and that what he did in the past isn’t that important because they were all these unremarkable women who passed through his life. It really isn’t his fault that he is such a charming man who for some reason he doesn’t even understand has an effect on women. I jokingly call him Casanova because of the number of notches on his bedpost.
The thing is though and the reason why I am writing is because some of the girls he was with were not nobodies. My FH is in the movie industry in Southern California although he has not worked on any major projects in a few years. He had told me that of the 66 others, there were women ranging from young to old but that all of them were gorgeous (although he added that none were as beautiful as me). He prepared me that he had been with several actresses and models he had met through film school and on projects. I asked if any of them were famous and he replied that a few are. I couldn’t help but pry. Curiosity killed the cat as they say. After 24 hours of not letting it go he finally revealed to me the list of notable famous actresses he has been with. I don’t know why I was expecting this list to make me feel better and why I pried because now I just feel crummy about myself and a little mad at him. How can he stand there and tell me that I am the most beautiful woman he has every been with when he has been with these stick creatures that grace the covers of magazines? I always felt self conscious because I figured he had been with better looking women than me but this confirmation gave my self esteem a serious blow.
He assured me that none of them meant anything. He reminded me that he never gave any of them a beautiful engagement ring and asked to spend the rest of his life with them. I jokingly asked why not? While he may not think they were special, they are society’s standard of beauty and I’m just a nobody who could stand to lose 10 pounds. I know I am being stupid here. It was years ago and most of them were well before we met. While we were just friends he had hooked up with Reese. I guess I just want to hear that all women have a few insecurities about their man’s past. Why else would we all scope out his facebook friends and look up ex girlfriends pictures. We want to confirm that we are prettier and better and make ourselves feel good. Except in my case when I dug and found that I was uglier and worse. I’m not horrible looking I guess but I am NO Natalie Portman. I asked why he never told me before and he said t was because it never came up which just pissed me off because we had watched entire movies with these people in them and he never mentioned it. Now every time we are on the couch flipping through the channels and we cross a movie with one of them in it, its this huge elephant in the room. He tries to pretend that he doesn’t even notice or think about them like that. How can this be true?!! If I had sex with someone, then every time I saw them on TV the first thing I would be reminded of is the sex I had with that person. Did I open Pandora’s box here? If your FH revealed to you that he had been with a beautiful, skinny world renowned actress, how would it make you feel? He feels bad for telling me and make an effort to never have any of these actresses on TV and he has promised that he will never work with any of them again. That’s a given.
Post # 3
Wow. I know this all too well. FH is older and more experienced. And I thought I had it bad when FH told me he dated a stripper long term 🙁
As hard as it may be, you have to push these thoughts out of your mind. I know first hand that it will destroy your relationship. Insecurity is not attractive, strong, or sexy (no offense) and you might end up pushing him away. Plus, you might find yourself feeling angry with him without being able to identify why. You are a wonderful woman. You have an amazing man. He is with you. He wants to marry you. No one else even matters. Make this your mantra. When those jealous thought pop into your head push them out. It will be sooooo hard, but you have to if your relationship is to survive. Best of luck
Post # 4
I didn’t read your whole post but I get the gist and I scanned the names. I guess I just have the kind of dilusional self esteem that if I was in your shoes I would feel even better about myself. Natalie, Reese, Rachel, and all those women just weren’t good enough to catch him but you are!. That’s pretty damn awesome. Take it as a compliment that you’re in good company. 🙂
My Darling Husband has not been with as many women as your Fiance but he’s had his share. And when I looked them up I was kind of offended that they weren’t prettier. Like, I didn’t want to be in a group like that, (where I was by far the prettiest).
Post # 5
Not trying to be mean or anything, but I find it alittle hard to believe this list of famous women he is claiming to have been with. I can understand the “wanna bee” actress’s and models trying to get big in Hollywood and thinking being with certain people will get them there, but these women have been famous for nearly 15-20 years now and I don’t know…
Regardless of if it be true or not, the fact is you have the ring. Has he ever given you any reasons to NOT trust him? Because although you can be insecure it also seems like youre slowly going to talk/think yourself into not trusting him around women you find “too beautiful” or “more beautiful than me”..
Post # 6
Sorry OP. I can’t even imagine the type of monkey on your back now, looking at the TV or just watching the news.
This stinks. I’m sorry you and he had to travel that road. It’s not pleasant to think about.
But to answer your question about movies you’re watching together, would it really have been helpful to you if he said, “Hey, see her? Yeah, I banged her!” as you’re watching the movie. Try not to be angry with him for that, as he was trying to take the high road. Also, it might be true that he doesn’t even think of them in that way anymore. I have a male best friend that I dated, and unless the friend brings it up, I alomst never consider our past. And when I do, it’s always, “Eww! I can’t believe I did that with HIM!” Because I love my husband so much, and can’t fathom being with anyone else, ever.
Post # 7
Ahhhh, why did you pry!? Now you’re going to be bothered when you watch certain movies or commercials on tv!
I don’t think you should feel insecure, but of course your feelings are valid because they’re your feelings! He ultimately chose YOU, loves YOU, and wants to marry YOU. If anything, you should feel awesome that your Fiance is way more into YOU than he ever was into those girls!
Post # 8
@PoeticDoveInLA: Not trying to be mean or anything, but I find it alittle hard to believe this list of famous women he is claiming to have been with.
The thought occurred to me too.
Post # 9
@Meowkers: ha, I feel the same way! When I first saw pics of FIs exes, I just thought “What was he thinking?!” – then he said I was the prettiest of them all and it wasn’t really a compliment, because seriously, I’ve seen scarecrows looking better. OP, a guy that goes for girls like this doesn’t suddenly go all the way down the ladder. I’d say you’re in very good company, and I’m sure you must be pretty!
You got him in the end, and that’s the only thing that counts! Please just trust what he tells and shows you, you are getting married and he wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t want to be with you.
PS: I would find it terribly awkward if I slept with a movie star and Fiance and I would come across him on tv. We also walked by an ex once and I had a little doubt whether I should tell him about the guy or not – because it’s weird. There’s no wild sex scenes popping into my head when I see them, but rather all the things that made me not want to be with them anymore.
Post # 10
Something else to consider, OP, is that these people are not that interesting.
Actresses are not as beautiful in person as on film or in photographs. I have a cousin who is reasonably famous, and I have been his plus one at 5 parties. Some of the people there were:
Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron
About 15 other Family Channel Stars
Taylor Lautner and 4 other (not as main) Twilight actors/actresses.
Seriously, NONE OF THEM looked that great in person. I appreciate talent, and I appreciate that they’re famous. Not ONE of the major ones listed up there, I recognized in person. I was right beside Vanessa Hudgens- no clue it was her. They look SOOO different in person, it’s crazy.
Photoshop and 3 hours of makeup do amazing things. So instead of looking at these women as major catches/something to be proud of, look at them as women with more money in their chequing account than you. That’s all they have (or if you have more, you’re very lucky..). They’re just actresses. That’s it, nothing special. They’re random women if you saw them walking down the street.
Post # 11
I’m sorry, I’m getting an icky feeling about this. Why would he even tell you all this? Even if you asked? If those women really meant nothing to him, this would be a non-issue; instead he brought it up – with details. I know what I need to know about my FI’s past long-term girlfriends, but I don’t need to see the photos of his past nightly conquests or know the details.
What was his motivation in telling you? Is he so insecure that he’s bragging to you about who he banged? Is he trying to make you insecure about your relationship – which he’s managing to do? I wish I had a better feeling about this, but it all seems so negative – and that isn’t a good place to be.
And, like a few other posters, I do find it hard to believe that he hooked up with Reese and ALL the others he named. If he’s making it up, that’s another issue to be addressed.
How long have you known him?
Post # 12
I usually take a very long time to respond to the sensitive posts on which I comment. However, before I even think about writing anything further, I want to strongly encourage you — while you are still within the window of time when WB will allow you to edit your post — to delete the names of the actresses. I do not think it’s right to post their names here. Regardless of what they did or did not do, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to reveal their names on the internet based on your FI’s admission to you.
Post # 13
@HereWeGo: I feel the same way…
Post # 14
@HereWeGo: I can see where you’re coming from, but I’ve kind of “been there done that.”
I’ve mentioned in PP’s that I was basically a teenage whore. I had Dirty Delete boobs and looked a lot older than I was. I have no reason to lie about this, but I’ve hooked up with 3 current NHL players (BEFORE FI!!). And ones that people would definitely know and recognize.
So it’s not a matter of being pround and bragging, but sometimes it’s to put people into their place. I’ve been with girls who go nuts when they see them on TV:
“Omg he’s soo hot, he probably only sleeps with the hottest women ever…” blah blah blah. So on a few occasions, I’ve put people in their place and straight up said “Nope, they sleep with pretty much anybody. Would you like to see pictures of us together, I DO have them.”
Fiance could have told her to satisfy her prying, but also to just prove that they’re pretty much random women.
Notttt meant to be bitchy/rude/confrontational. Just being neutral and providing an opinion!!
Post # 15
So Sigourney Weaver cheated on her husband with your FI?? I’m guessing so since she’s been married since 1984.
Post # 16
OP, ok I just finished reading your post and the part about how you’re concerned that he thinks about sex with them everytime he sees them on tv. I’ve lived in LA pretty much my whole life so I’ve had my fair share of flings with people who pop up on tv, in magazines and in movies. I can assure you that I do not think about sex with them when they unexpectedly pop up on my tv. Usually I think, oh hey it’s “John”. Good for him, this is a great tv show. or something along those lines. Similarly I’m sure your Fiance doesn’t think about sex with his non famous ex flings when he sees them or when they are brought up.
Don’t let this become a problem in your relationship. They have nothing on you. In his eyes you are better in every way because he obviously chose to marry you.