(Closed) Insecure about his exes

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: If FH ex was a famous gorgeous actress would you feel insecure?
    yes : (54 votes)
    59 %
    No : (38 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Wow.  I know this all too well.  FH is older and more experienced.  And I thought I had it bad when FH told me he dated a stripper long term 🙁 

    As hard as it may be, you have to push these thoughts out of your mind.  I know first hand that it will destroy your relationship.  Insecurity is not attractive, strong, or sexy (no offense) and you might end up pushing him away. Plus, you might find yourself feeling angry with him without being able to identify why.  You are a wonderful woman.  You have an amazing man. He is with you.  He wants to marry you.  No one else even matters. Make this your mantra.  When those jealous thought pop into your head push them out.  It will be sooooo hard, but you have to if your relationship is to survive. Best of luck

    Post # 4
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I didn’t read your whole post but I get the gist and I scanned the names.  I guess I just have the kind of dilusional self esteem that if I was in your shoes I would feel even better about myself.  Natalie, Reese, Rachel, and all those women just weren’t good enough to catch him but you are!.  That’s pretty damn awesome.  Take it as a compliment that you’re in good company. 🙂

    My Darling Husband has not been with as many women as your Fiance but he’s had his share.  And when I looked them up I was kind of offended that they weren’t prettier.  Like, I didn’t want to be in a group like that, (where I was by far the prettiest).  

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    902 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Not trying to be mean or anything, but I find it alittle hard to believe this list of famous women he is claiming to have been with.  I can understand the “wanna bee” actress’s and models trying to get big in Hollywood and thinking being with certain people will get them there, but these women have been famous for nearly 15-20 years now and I don’t know…

    Regardless of if it be true or not, the fact is you have the ring.  Has he ever given you any reasons to NOT trust him?  Because although you can be insecure it also seems like youre slowly going to talk/think yourself into not trusting him around women you find “too beautiful” or “more beautiful than me”..

    Post # 6
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Sorry OP. I can’t even imagine the type of monkey on your back now, looking at the TV or just watching the news. 

    This stinks. I’m sorry you and he had to travel that road. It’s not pleasant to think about. 

    But to answer your question about movies you’re watching together, would it really have been helpful to you if he said, “Hey, see her? Yeah, I banged her!” as you’re watching the movie. Try not to be angry with him for that, as he was trying to take the high road. Also, it might be true that he doesn’t even think of them in that way anymore. I have a male best friend that I dated, and unless the friend brings it up, I alomst never consider our past. And when I do, it’s always, “Eww! I can’t believe I did that with HIM!” Because I love my husband so much, and can’t fathom being with anyone else, ever.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Ahhhh, why did you pry!?  Now you’re going to be bothered when you watch certain movies or commercials on tv!

    I don’t think you should feel insecure, but of course your feelings are valid because they’re your feelings!  He ultimately chose YOU, loves YOU, and wants to marry YOU.  If anything, you should feel awesome that your Fiance is way more into YOU than he ever was into those girls!

    Post # 8
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @PoeticDoveInLA:  Not trying to be mean or anything, but I find it alittle hard to believe this list of famous women he is claiming to have been with.

    The thought occurred to me too.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Meowkers:  ha, I feel the same way! When I first saw pics of FIs exes, I just thought “What was he thinking?!” – then he said I was the prettiest of them all and it wasn’t really a compliment, because seriously, I’ve seen scarecrows looking better. OP, a guy that goes for girls like this doesn’t suddenly go all the way down the ladder. I’d say you’re in very good company, and I’m sure you must be pretty!

    You got him in the end, and that’s the only thing that counts! Please just trust what he tells and shows you, you are getting married and he wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t want to be with you. 

    PS: I would find it terribly awkward if I slept with a movie star and Fiance and I would come across him on tv. We also walked by an ex once and I had a little doubt whether I should tell him about the guy or not – because it’s weird. There’s no wild sex scenes popping into my head when I see them, but rather all the things that made me not want to be with them anymore.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Something else to consider, OP, is that these people are not that interesting.

    Actresses are not as beautiful in person as on film or in photographs. I have a cousin who is reasonably famous, and I have been his plus one at 5 parties. Some of the people there were:

    Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron

    Ashley Tisdale

    About 15 other Family Channel Stars

    Taylor Lautner and 4 other (not as main) Twilight actors/actresses.

    Seriously, NONE OF THEM looked that great in person. I appreciate talent, and I appreciate that they’re famous. Not ONE of the major ones listed up there, I recognized in person. I was right beside Vanessa Hudgens- no clue it was her. They look SOOO different in person, it’s crazy.

    Photoshop and 3 hours of makeup do amazing things. So instead of looking at these women as major catches/something to be proud of, look at them as women with more money in their chequing account than you. That’s all they have (or if you have more, you’re very lucky..). They’re just actresses. That’s it, nothing special. They’re random women if you saw them walking down the street.

    Post # 11
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m sorry, I’m getting an icky feeling about this. Why would he even tell you all this? Even if you asked? If those women really meant nothing to him, this would be a non-issue; instead he brought it up – with details. I know what I need to know about my FI’s past long-term girlfriends, but I don’t need to see the photos of his past nightly conquests or know the details.

    What was his motivation in telling you? Is he so insecure that he’s bragging to you about who he banged? Is he trying to make you insecure about your relationship – which he’s managing to do? I wish I had a better feeling about this, but it all seems so negative – and that isn’t a good place to be.

    And, like a few other posters, I do find it hard to believe that he hooked up with Reese and ALL the others he named. If he’s making it up, that’s another issue to be addressed.

    How long have you known him?

    Post # 12
    Member
    11343 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I usually take a very long time to respond to the sensitive posts on which I comment. However, before I even think about writing anything further, I want to strongly encourage you — while you are still within the window of time when WB will allow you to edit your post — to delete the names of the actresses. I do not think it’s right to post their names here. Regardless of what they did or did not do, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to reveal their names on the internet based on your FI’s admission to you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    801 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @HereWeGo:  I feel the same way… 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @HereWeGo:  I can see where you’re coming from, but I’ve kind of “been there done that.”

    I’ve mentioned in PP’s that I was basically a teenage whore. I had Dirty Delete boobs and looked a lot older than I was. I have no reason to lie about this, but I’ve hooked up with 3 current NHL players (BEFORE FI!!). And ones that people would definitely know and recognize.

    So it’s not a matter of being pround and bragging, but sometimes it’s to put people into their place. I’ve been with girls who go nuts when they see them on TV:

    “Omg he’s soo hot, he probably only sleeps with the hottest women ever…” blah blah blah. So on a few occasions, I’ve put people in their place and straight up said “Nope, they sleep with pretty much anybody. Would you like to see pictures of us together, I DO have them.”

    Fiance could have told her to satisfy her prying, but also to just prove that they’re pretty much random women. 

    Notttt meant to be bitchy/rude/confrontational. Just being neutral and providing an opinion!!

    🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    1039 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    So Sigourney Weaver cheated on her husband with your FI?? I’m guessing so since she’s been married since 1984.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    OP, ok I just finished reading your post and the part about how you’re concerned that he thinks about sex with them everytime he sees them on tv.  I’ve lived in LA pretty much my whole life so I’ve had my fair share of flings with people who pop up on tv, in magazines and in movies.  I can assure you that I do not think about sex with them when they unexpectedly pop up on my tv.  Usually I think, oh hey it’s “John”.  Good for him, this is a great tv show. or something along those lines.  Similarly I’m sure your Fiance doesn’t think about sex with his non famous ex flings when he sees them or when they are brought up.

    Don’t let this become a problem in your relationship.  They have nothing on you.  In his eyes you are better in every way because he obviously chose to marry you.

    The topic ‘Insecure about his exes’ is closed to new replies.

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