- 7 years ago
I added Future Sister-In-Law (not the one I hate) to the bridal party (a whole, different, long story). Now, FCIL is driving me nuts with her jealousy/image issues. I don’t know how to handle this situation and am just looking for some advice from someone who may have experienced this from either mine or FCIL’s perspective.
FCIL was overweight her entire life. A couple of years ago, she took intiative and lost a ton of weight. She is a size 6 now, which to me is the “ideal” size… but she is still of the mentality that she is a size 20. No matter what you say or how you compliment her, she is a CONSTANT Debbie Downer. All she talks about is weight and calories and how she’s disgusted because she’s gained 5 pounds, etc. It is impossible to get her to feel good about herself, and after a while it gets frustrating to hear about it. However, I understand her struggle and I am completely compassionate towards her and would never say anything rude or hurtful.
Anyway, Future Sister-In-Law and my sister are both a size 2 (if that). They are really, really small. The other day, I told FCIL that I’d added Future Sister-In-Law to the bridal party. Her first response? “I’m gonna be the fattest bridesmaid!” Throughout this whole wedding planning process, I’ve had to hear all about how FCIL’s uncomfortable because my sister is smaller than her (nothing I can do about that). Now, she’s even more insecure because of Future Sister-In-Law. I’ve tried to tell her (FCIL) that her body is great, but to no avail.
Sometimes I get a silly thought that I’m gonna look like a big ol’ marshmallow next to toothpicks… but I let that thought go because I know that everyone is there to look at ME. I seriously doubt everyone is going to stand there picking apart my FCIL’s looks. I never study the bridesmaids during a wedding ceremony. FCIL feels differently. She thinks everyone is going to be staring at her arm fat, abdominal area, butt, etc.
My biggest fear/issue with all of this is going to be when the pictures come back. I plan to take a ton of pictures with my bridal party. FCIL is verrry critical of herself in photographs. She analyzes each picture for HOURS. One time I took pictures of her at the bar and she told me to post them on FB. I did. Then, hours later, she freaked out and started sending me urgent texts to please delete the photos. Okay… so what happens when I post my wedding photos on FB/get them framed. I’m not going to take them down if I like them! I’m so afraid she’s gonna see the pictures and compare herself to my sister and Future Sister-In-Law and hate every single one of them, and then forbid me from sharing them with anyone.
I really don’t know what to do about this. How do I make her feel more comfortable? She and my sister ordered their dresses the other day. The dresses were delivered yesterday and FCIL says she loves hers. But, I know how she is. She will try that dress on every week and stand in front of the mirror, picking herself apart, until she decides she hates the dress/how she looks in it. I have a lot on my plate right now, obviously. I don’t need any unnecessary stress. As it stands right now, I can’t even talk to FCIL about the wedding without it turning into a weight conversation… Arrgghh.