- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
@Dell79: Personally if I had 2 carats on my finger, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going about town, just because of its value. I think as long as YOU like it, your Fiance didn’t go broke for it, i.e. you can afford it, that’s all that matters. A lot of it is family pride, and I sort of understand that… my Mom said .50 carats or else! But honestly, it comes down to what you like, what you can afford, and my Mom is not going to hate me or my fiance if what we chose is smaller.
I actually have a .75 stone in a setting that makes it look humongous on a small finger. I have at times felt self conscious about it when certain judgey people are examining it in a way that does make me uncomfortable, especially since my family are not of the ability to afford large pieces of jewelry. However, it’s the ring that my husband gave to me as a promise for our lives together, and they are heirloom diamonds on top of that, and I know that as long as me and him are happy with our choice then that is all that matters. People can always find something to judge and pick apart about almost anything you’ll do/buy/say etc. if they want to. I would just be proud of your choice and proud of the promise your FH will be making to you. It sounds like he’s put so much thought and effort into the ring – especially with the reasoning that the ring he makes the promise to you with now will carry you on through life – and I think that’s not something you should allow other people to make you feel uncomfortable about. Plus, as a bonus, if your Mother-In-Law is on board then that’s a win!
@love108: thank you for responding! I was sort of hesitant to write this post because I know if I changed the words “too big” to “too small” I would be playing with fire–I am a bit nervous to wear it to/from work (I live in NYC), I will turn it inside/out—but I care more about his family and what they might think of me…I guess at some point I have to stop caring about what others think!
Ahh i know how you feel. I was scared to do a post because I was sure it would be a back lash on me…and I knew all the negative comments that I would receive.
I just got engaged 2 weeks ago and have a 2.52 center, and 3.60 tcw (including wedding band). I felt awkward at first with it on my hand because it was something definitely different to get used to. But now I am fine with it.
Fiance and I both discussed prior to ring shopping that we didn’t believe in upgrades and that the ring he proposed to me with was going to be the one forever. So we wanted to wait and do it right the first time. We went all out and don’t regret it. He is so proud of what he got me to represent our commitment to eachother.
Only my mom and some of my girl friends have seen it yet (of course they love it and know how much I wanted a stunning e ring). I am sure there will be negative comments from his side and possibly from some of my siblings etc but whatever; I don’t care. We could afford it and we are not going to feel bad about it.
I didn’t have this experience but here are my thoughts on the subject. Honestly, if you get the smaller ring, some of the family is going to think the ring is too small, and if you accept the what sounds like a very gorgeous, larger ring, some people will think it’s too big. You can’t please everyone and personally if I were you I wouldn’t even think about if my ring was offensive to others. If someone is honestly offended by someone else’s ring they have problems. As another bee mentioned on another post (I want to say DeathByDesign??), – “if someone has a problem with what is on my hand, they’re the one with issues, not me” My husband’s side of the family all sports larger rings whereas my side of the family tends to wear more modest ones. No matter what, you’ll stick out somewhere. If you really are that much of a people pleaser, I would be more concerned with pleasing immediate family members (your immediate, his immediate—cough mom cough) rather than extended (cousins that you mentioned). That’s just me. Best wishes!
Temporary thread hijack: I hope you don’t receive grief, your ring is gorgeous! Also, I love that some couples (like you guys) went into it saying ‘hey – this is the ring we’re having the rest of our life – we’re getting the ring we want’. Personally, I’m not a big upgrade girl either (although I do understand why people do, and I’m going to be stuck doing so unless my pretty magically shows back up over three years later), I’m much more sentimental (=
@Mrs McCain 2012: thank you for responding! (even though I now deleted the post!)- I’m glad to know I am not the only one to feel this way- and btw I have seen your ring as well and think it is quite the beauty!!! I have already decided for sure I am not going to be posting anything on FB- and I know it will take a while to adjust on my hand…I am thinking that if anyone does say anything, they will do it behind my back- which might even be easier! lol, I guess only time will tell but a part of me wants to scream out “i didn’t pressure him to get me a big ring, I sware” I know that sounds stupid, I just don’t want his family to think “less” of me…but than there is the side of me like you that says “who gives a crap!” (i just wish that side would come out more often lol)
@NurseMarriedToAFarmer: Love that quote!!! Thank you and you are absolutely right…I never knew anything about carats until last summer when my SO’s mother kept referring to this girls ring as a “chip” (not saying this is the proper way of thinking), but she is the one who brought up the 2 carat stone…I tried it on and thought holy crap this is much too big (then I went on weddingbee and kept looking at rings, rings and more rings and slowly adapted to it haha)
@ allergicbee no i totally understand everything you are saying. It’s everything I thought of but never voiced it. I too didn’t paste on facebook and just keeping quiet, enjoying my ring and didn’t want to over share and shove in people’s faces. Only those super important to me have seen it.
@ NurseMarriedToAFarmer I too totally understand why some couples upgrade for anniversaries etc but we were in a position to go all the way now, so we figured, why not? lol. But there are always those judgy and jel types…they come with everything, but with some things it seems like they all just come out of the woodwork to voice their rude comments. haha.
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