(Closed) insecure step-mom

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You aren’t obligated to treat your step-mom as an equal to your mom, because she’s not an equal!  You also aren’t obligated to make your step-sister your bridesmaid, in fact it would be incredibly awkward since you aren’t at all close to her.  Stick to your guns on those points, and don’t let your step-mom guilt you into doing anything that you don’t want to do.

And why in the world would you list her on invitations?!?!  Is she helping to host or pay for your wedding in any way?  If not then there’s no reason in the world for her to be on the invitations.

As far as escorting her, that’s kind of border line in my book.  She’s a distinguished guest because she’s your father’s date.  That could go either way, but again you shouldn’t feel obligated to have her escorted.  Are you also escorting your grandparents?

Post # 4
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Do not move an inch to accomodate her more than you have to. Your dad understands and that is great but seriously to bend in to her wishes is silly. She is not your mother and not a woman who acted like one to you so why would you place her on the invitation? Is your step-sister creating a fuss? If your stepmother is insecure that is her bag and really not your problem as long as you are polite to her.

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I’m treating my step mom equal to my mom in the wedding because in many ways she was more of a mother to me when I needed her the most. My mother is an amazing woman, but she always wanted to be more of a “friend” than a parent. When I was out of control and on the verge of ruining my life, my step mom set me straight; basically she saved my life. She has done everything for me and has always treated me as her daughter.. I love her more than I could ever express. She also payed for my college education, bought me 2 brand new cars and kept me in Abercrombie in HS (lol)… needless to say she has done more than just emotional support! Oh… and she’s paying for our wedding! By The Way my step mom and dad have also been married 20 years.

However, I can totally understand how you don’t have that relationship with your step mom. Our relationship is unusual.. I think the concessions you are making are completely acceptable. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with for someone you aren’t even close to.

 

Post # 6
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

In reading your story, I could have been reading my own.  But I have come to the conslusion that, though this may sound harsh and mean, I just don’t care.  My step-mother will have no say in my wedding what so ever.  Anything that she suggest, I simply tell her ” thank you and I will keep that in mind”.  And then I do what I really want.  She was my dad’s choice, not mine.  She makes him happy, she is not there for me to make happy.  I have two parents and that is all I need, and that is how I handle my wedding plans.

Post # 7
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

I would also consider your mom’s feelings – while I know you’re trying to avoid hurting your step-moms feelings, if you include her as an equal to your mom, will you run the risk of hurting your mom? 

Post # 8
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Talk to your mom about it. I know that sounds odd, but being a step daughter that grew up with her step mom and now a step mom myself, I would hope that my kids and even my step kids would come to me with any issues that may arise.

Good luck with this. It is SO hard to make everyone happy.

By The Way Both my mom and step mom were escorted down the aisle with corsages. My stepmom first followed by my mom then was our processional.

Post # 9
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think there is a difference between a stepmother having some part of a wedding such as being escorted and a stepmother expecting it and throwing her insecurity into the wedding. It really depends on the bride’s feelings about it.

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