(Closed) Insecure…help, advice..?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe your insecurities are linked  to your past..how were your previous relationships? You write you are a confident person but what i can feel from your words is that deep down you are not and maybe there’s a reason for it (BF related or not).

It’s scary to give all your heart and soul to one person. The more one gives, the more one has to lose..i felt this with my now husband, in the begining of our relationship. I was soooooo scared because i was falling for him really bad and had that panic feeling in my stomach “What if he leaves me? What if i am feeling way more than he feels about me??” Truth is..we never know..but i believe it’s worth while conquering our fears and just..go with the flow. “I prefer a life of Oh well..to another of What if..”

Post # 4
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Okay, hugs!

Sounds like something about this guy/relationship has caused you to have low self esteem.

Im not sure how that happened, but as long as you are 100% sure that he is not using you then Thank God that you lucked out  and found an amazing man that thinks that you are just as amazing because that is every girls dream and you should be living that dream instead of stressing that you are not good enough for him.  You are good enough! He chose you! He sees in you what you dont see in yourself! And thats amazing…

You have to turn this around, if you arent able to and his reassurance is not helping, go seek professional counselling to work through your feelings, but if you have a good man and a good relationship and everything is great, dont blow it!  Good Luck! Hugs!

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@flowersandfaerydust:  Did you have a previous relationship where you got hurt? I had an awful 5 year on/off situation with my ex, and I find myself still going back to those old habits even though I haven’t seen him in 3+ years. For example, if my boyfriend and I fight, I instantly worry it’ll be the end of us. Usually I manage to snap out of it, but I have to admit that my last relationship did more damage to me than I realized. Also, not to make this thread about me or anything, but my father left when I was 13. That definitely didn’t do anything for my confidence. It’s a cliche to have ‘daddy issues’, but sadly I sometimes realize that even though all that crap happened YEARS ago, it affected me. So basically what I am saying is that your past can definitely impact you future. You just have to try to measure your current relationship in and of itself.

Also, he’s in the military so I assume you’re apart for long periods of time, yes? That would be difficult for any relationship. It takes a strong person to be able to handle that. Also with worries about his safety I am sure that scares you as well. You worry that you’re a ‘placeholder for while he’s here’ – I think deep down you’re scared about the uncertain future and not just scared whether he’ll bring you along to his next city, but what the impact moving will have on you.

You did not indicate how long you’ve been together. My suggestion would be to make sure you have a life outside of him – it’ll keep you occupied, you’ll miss him more, and then worst case if things don’t work out, you will have something to fall back on.

Based on what you said, I can’t say for sure why you feel the way you do. I think a lot of us have times where we feel we don’t deserve X, Y, Z… but you have to realize that he wants to be with you… or else he wouldn’t stick around. You say he treats you like a princess – this is good. As long as you’re not compromising your values, I don’t see how he is using you.

Post # 9
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@flowersandfaerydust

Knoweldge is power and knowing is half the battle so its good that you are acknowledging the issues that need to be resolved…  The Bee is an awesome community where you can come and express issues and get support.

I hope that you get everything worked out, sounds like you have a good relationship, you should do everything you can to preserve that and work on your issues.  And you can always come to The Bee and vent and get support Wink

Good luck! Hugs!

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I have a lot of the same feelings you did and it really took a toll on our relationship. I have done individual counseling which helped but after my SO and I broke up for 6 weeks in January my terms for getting back together was couples counseling and it has been super helpful for us. Now we understand our relationship dynamics a lot better. We still have work to do but I feel like we are moving in the right direction. Good luck to you and hang in there! Remember positive attitude 🙂

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