- 4 years ago
In the beginning of May I left a relationship that, truthfully, was going nowhere. I tried to force it for far longer than I should have and put up with a lot of abuse. Within a week after leaving the relationship, I was asked out randomly by “new guy.” At first, I said no (I thought it was way too soon.) The next day, I changed my mind and decided I did not want to pass up a chance with a seemingly good guy for a fun night out. Fast forward 6 weeks later and we have been steadily dating. As much as I told him (and myself) that I didn’t want anything serious/exclusive, etc… it just kind of turned into that, and I have honestly been having the best time of my life.
The only issue I have is my insecurity and baggage that are coming creeping into this new situation. My ex used to make me feel awful about myself. I remember one night he looked me dead in the eye and told me “I could do so much better than you.” The “new guy” is very successful, he has a lot going on in his life, a lot going for him and a ton of ambition. It makes me proud to be dating him, but at the same time I feel those old negative thoughts and insecurities popping up all the time. Sometimes I feel I am not worthy, pretty enough, smart enough, etc etc. I know a lot of that comes from my past experiences.
I also know that dating someone so quick may not have been the healthiest choice, but I really did fall for the guy. On the plus side, he works a lot and has a lot going on so I certainly have a surplus of time to myself these days. I am just wondering if anyone else struggled with these feelings? I really just want to be able to accept myself, flaws and all. I find myself getting down on myself about my job, constantly looking in the mirror, or not wanting to get together with him if I don’t look good that day, or feeling down about myself in general far too often, and he really has never done anything to make me feel that way. It is embarassing to admit I struggle so much with self esteem issues, I don’t think anyone would really be able to tell because I try to hide it…
I don’t know what I can possibly do to “train” myself to stop beating myself up or feeling inadequate. Is there anything that works? I have seen therapists and never got much out of it. Any words of wisdom out there?