Insecurity in new relationship?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
187 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, this doesn’t draw any red flags for me. From what you’ve said, it seems he really likes you.

As for the phone thing, I’m sure I would be curious too. But, being at a show, he may have just been trying to be polite and not look/respond to his phone while the show was going on. From there, he may have excused himself to take the phone call/text in a more appropriate area to respond. Or, it may just be habit that he brings his phone with him.

I wouldn’t worry unless you start seeing other red flags! Have fun! He seems like a nice guy so far.

Post # 3
1616 posts
Bumble bee

Ehh, sorry but he’s a “very attractive” musician who works at a bar and he’s hiding his phone from you… I hate to stereotype but I’ve known a lot of these types and I can’t say I’d be planning my wedding anytime soon if I were you. Coupled with the sporadic texting, I’d guess that he’s dating multiple people. Have you guys talked about exclusivity yet?

Of course, you’ve only been dating a few weeks so I wouldn’t blame him if he was dating other people (assuming you haven’t agreed to be exclusive), but since you’re sleeping together it’s totally reasonable to want to know whether he has multiple sexual partners. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand and protecting your sexual health.  

In general, I’d say to trust your gut — if you’re feeling insecure, there’s probably a reason. 


Post # 4
289 posts
Helper bee

The best way to feel at ease is to talk to your partner. I would ask him if you are exclusive and tell him you are feeling insecure, and tell him why too. It could be that he was trying to be polite during a show, but had a pressing matter to take care of. It could be another girl. It could be some other personal issue. You never know until you communicate. The real advice here is to be prepared to not hear what you want to hear, just in case. My mom has always told me to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst so that middle ground doesn’t seem too bad when it happens 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 5
116 posts
Blushing bee

Im marrying a very attractive musician. When we first started dating, his ex was pretty persistently contacting him. When she did, he would act a little weird, because it made him uncomfortable, and he wasn’t sure how to tell me that she was still contacting him. Sometimes its nothing. 

Post # 6
8110 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

rrowlan6 :  

You have only been seeing each other for a few weeks.  Have you discussed being exclusive?  A few weeks is pretty early for a lot of people.  If you have no agreement to be exclusive, he’s well within his rights to date other people.  Hiding the phone would be the considerate thing to do.

As for the texting.  Not everyone needs the same amount of contact.  One of the things Dh and I liked best about each other when we first started dating was that we didn’t bug each other for no reason.  We have similar needs in that regard.  And incoming text demands an outgoing text, some people, myself included, find texting just to say “Hello” or to chat to be supremely annoying.  

Again, it’s also very early.  If it’s bothering you, talk to him.  Let him know you really enjoy hearing from him and you would love it if he could text you “just because” sometimes.

From everything you’re describing, this thing is launching itself quite nicely.  Just slow your roll and let it evolve naturally .

Post # 7
156 posts
Blushing bee

If you’ve never discussed exclusivity then I don’t think you have a right to be concerned at all. If he has never given you a verbal confirmation that he isn’t seeing anyone else, why would you assume that is the case?

Post # 8
2133 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Some phones have a setting you can turn on that turns the call to silent if you put in face down. My current phone does and so did my previous one. So if you’re at a concert, at a work meeting, etc. you can quickly and easily silence it. I’d assume it was just that-he didn’t want to be rude during the show.

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