(Closed) insisting in-laws

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You and your husband need to sit down and create boundaries that you are both comfortable with, and then he needs to communicate these, clearly, to his parents. How often you visit, communication, etc., you two need to talk about this and then he needs to tell them these things.

Post # 4
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You may not want to see them very often, but what about your husband?  I understand you didn’t marry your in laws, but you married your husband…who has a family…so they kind of come with the territory.  If he has no desire to see them as well, just tell them that you can’t, for whatever reason, go see them.  Can you really fault them for wanting to see you and your husband?  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but without understanding why you don’t want to see them, it’s hard to see your side of things.

Post # 6
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@vorpalette:  +1.  Your primary family is now you, your husband and the baby on the way (congrats!).  Boundaries you BOTH can live with are a must.

Post # 7
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sasi:  It’s also possible they are trying to patch things up and repair the damage they have caused?

Post # 9
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@sasi:  You should take all the time you need and do what is best for YOU!

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe if you set up a pre-arranged date, like every third Saturday of the month, or something like that it would help cut down on the texts.  My BIL does that with his wifes family.  She sees them alot more but he can only take them twice a month and on special occasions. 

 

Post # 11
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@sasi:  Completely understood!  It is especially odd they insist so often considering your husband sees them so often.  I hope it gets better and things get sorted out! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sasi:  Guilt is a self-inflicted feeling.  They can try their hardest to make you feel bad.  Whether or not you do feel bad is your call.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ooooooh man I should post a few good websites I’ve bookmarked on the subject….. I’m in the middle of creating a word document that Fiance and I need to present to my FIL’s about boundaries. The constant harassment about “spending more time together” is starting to get passive aggressive towards ME specifically by his dad (to the point I really dislike going to their house). They don’t get that your NOT supposed to be as close (physically and emotionally) to your family of origin once you get married…. its actually considered not healthy as your spouse needs to make you #1 to solidify your bond in marriage. 

Parents have every right to feel like they need to try to “reattach you” instead of letting you go, for some its painful…. but at some point they have to realise in doing that, they can harm your relationship. They keep talking about how when we move houses (only an extra 15 min away instead of 5) they are going to get “stuck at our house for a few days”…and how we’re no longer having dinner at their house its going to be EVERY SINGLE WEEK at ours (when we don’t even have time for that NOW? I stood up for myself and said ahhh NO! We’re not always going to have time to host dinner every sunday (as it is now) and that wont change just because I have a fancy new kitchen? ever since his dad has had a HUGE chip on his shoulder.

its very frustrating and at first Fiance was very defensive and reluctant to admit it was a problem/or could cause problems… but right now its stressing me out. So we’re going to talk to them after the wedding (we don’t want to drop an atomic bomb a few months bfr….lol…..I can see it now).

 

Post # 14
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There is a book out there called boundaries you should read it with your husband.

Post # 16
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@sasi:  In-laws often try to patch things up when there is a baby on the way. I don’t know what your reasons are for not wanting to be close to them, but you can give them a little bit more rope. You can see them every couple of weeks and leave after an hour and tell them that you are tired and need your rest because you are pregnant. There should be a middle ground and you and your husband should meet in the middle and work together to keep each other happy. As PP said, they are still his family so you kind of have to put up with them. I like to have my space and my alone time so I can relate to you. I wouldn’t want to see my own family every single day or talk to them all day long, either. Maybe except my mom because I’ve always been very attached to her and she’s had cancer twice and I have a fear that it could come and take her away from me and I’m afraid of losing her before I am prepared to deal with that loss, but that’s a different topic. Anyway, I hope it all works out. Hopefully your in-laws can learn to respect you and your space and you can all live in harmony.

The topic ‘insisting in-laws’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors