(Closed) Insists on inviting "frenemy" to wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: If your FI wanted to invite someone to your wedding who isn't nice to you, how would you react?
    I'd say absolutely not, and he would ultimately agree with me. : (45 votes)
    45 %
    I'd be okay with it. I'll have other people/things to focus on on my day. : (16 votes)
    16 %
    I would call off the wedding if he couldn't see why this was a problem for me. : (4 votes)
    4 %
    This is a non-issue, because he wouldn't even suggest it. : (31 votes)
    31 %
    Other. Please explain in a comment. : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3688 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Dealbreaker. I would so not be okay with that situation.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I would stay out of it. This is an issue that your friend and her fiance need to work out for themselves. I know it can be frustrating to watch, but this isn’t an issue her friends should be involved in.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2708 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Hmmm… that is a tough situation.  I think the important thing to remember is that it’s THEIR day.  It’s not HIS day or HER day.  I think it would depend on how close this friend and the Fiance are.  If they aren’t close then I would say just not invite her.  However, he does have a point about causing tension in that social circle.  Even though they are all over the country, doesn’t mean they are free from drama.  I don’t think his other friends should make the decision, but it’d be nice to get their input.  Hopefully they’d be ok with not inviting her since the bride and she don’t get along.  But if their loyalities lay more with her, they might decline coming to the wedding in protest or exile the Fiance or something like that (totally not cool, but it happens).  And if that’s the case, it might not be worth the drama of not inviting her.

    How long ago was this girl mean to your friend?  If it was way back in high school, then this girl might have changed and it might be time for your friend to get over passed slights.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9641 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This is not ok.  If I were her I’d be concerned that he is putting his friends’ opinions above hers.  This is wrong on many levels.

    A relationship that lacks mutual respect lacks love.  The key ingredients in love are trust and respect.  She has neither because she can’t trust him to have her back.  She can’t feel safe that he’ll protect her emotions. He is treating her disrespectfully.  Love?  Nope.

    Honestly, if it were me I would not even marry him.  I wouldn’t want to be treated that way.  I feel for her, this really sucks.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1572 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    The second I feel my Darling Husband even considers anybody elses opinion before mine…even if its about pizza topping…I’d flip. If it has to do with US, I expect OUR opinion to be the only ones that matter unless we are seeking advice.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Fiance would never invite someone who treats me badly. I would never invite someone who treats Fiance badly.   End of story.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @SilkieChicken:  How is their relatioinship otherwise? Does he not “see” the girl’s bitchiness or does he not “care”. 

    Would you suggest to your friend they need to see a martial counselor before marrying and make attending that mandatory before wedding planning starts?

    Could her invite “accidently” be lost in the mail?

    Post # 11
    Member
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If it was a 250-person wedding, that would be one thing. I feel like I’d be able to ignore someone I didn’t care for, or at least be able to distract myself.

    But if they’re having a destination wedding, they will definitely HAVE to interact with everyone. They call smaller weddings “intimate” for a reason. If that was the situation, I’d definitely want everyone in attendance to be loving and supportive toward me.

    Either way, I’m pretty sure my fiance would not invite someone who he knew I didn’t get along with. That seems like something that would not even be an issue.

    Post # 14
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My Fiance insists on inviting a female friend with whom I don’t get along (pretty sure she is secretly in love with him even though they never even dated). But anyway back to the point, I don’t like her, my Future Sister-In-Law, and Maid/Matron of Honor don’t either, however they have been friends since college so he wants her there. I have tried to talk him out of it, but nothing has worked. I figure the day of I will be so happy and have plenty of other people to be focused on that I won’t even notice.

    Sorry I don’t know if this will help your friend much, but I wanted to share how I am handling an unwanted frenemy.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Honestly it truly depends, I can see how this could harm his place within his entire social circle, but at the same time think he should be standing up for his Fiance.

    The problem isn’t that he is ignoring your friends feelings and opinion for the guest list; but that he has shown absolutely no consideration for her feelings ever in their relationship with regards to this girl. He should have stood up for her a long time ago. 

    He needs to tell this girl that her behaviour towards his future wife is uncalled for and if she doesn’t make a serious effort to treat his bride to be with the respect she deserves then he is cutting her out of his life, period.

    If your friends’ Fiance wont do this, then she shouldn’t be marrying him in the first place. She needs to marry someone that will put her and their family first, always and without question.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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