(Closed) Inspired by a Miss Octopus post. . . remembering Mom without offending Step-mom?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m glad that you have such a great step-mom that’s there for you. I don’t know if you’d be interested in something like this, but I was really close to my Papa and my Aunt so what we’re doing to memorialize them is putting their pictures in chairs at the end of the first row on my side. We’re also going to put a single rose in their chair next to their pictures. It’s more for me than it is for everyone else to see, if that makes any sense. It’s just my little reminder that though they can’t be there with me in person, they’re still there in spirit.

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t know how you can do this. But I think that if you aknowledge your whole family (mom, dad, stepmom), I doubt that your stepmom’s feelings would be hurt. She is a big part of your life, but that would never take away the fact that you had a mom before she entered your life; and aknowledging your dead mother does not take anything away from your relationship with stepmom…
I’d still try and do something that would be aknowledging all three of your parents.

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I lost my mother in high school.  I didn’t do anything publically about her because I didn’t want to upset myself or my dad.  If people are thinking that you aren’t thinking of her, they are jerks and don’t understand what it is like to lose a parent.  It isn’t their business anyway.  So if you don’t want to do something because it might upset your dad, then I wouldn’t do anything out loud.

Post # 6
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your stepmother sounds like an amazing, caring woman. I’m sure that if you talk to her about your feelings and what you’d like to do to acknowledge and remember your biological mom on your special day, that she will understand. There are plenty of ways that you can honor both of them, and I’m sure your step mom is honored to share your day with you more than anything.

Post # 7
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’re doing a program, maybe you can write a remembrance page of your mother and/or put a rose down on a chair in her honor?

Post # 8
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I have seen lovely memorial candles put on display…  with a line in the program stating the candle is in honor and memory of…  If you are giving your Mom and your Mother-In-Law roses after the ceremony, you could place a rose at the candle as well to symbolically remember and honor your Mom.

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Do you have anything of her’s to carry with you down the aisle?  A piece of jewelry maybe?  You don’t even have to tell anyone what it means to you.  You can just take a moment before you walk down the aisle to think of her and then go.

Post # 10
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry that you lost your mom.  How wonderful that you had such an amazing step mom in your life.  I attended a wedding where the bride had a bible verse read from her mother’s bible by the officient; I thought that was a really sweet way to remember her mom.  You could also wear a piece of jewelry or tie something into your bouquet as a rememberance.

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My dad died when I was 12.  I felt really touched reading your post, and remembering how I’ve thought of my dad during so many significant moments of my life. 

 

I am going to carry a single daisy for him, with my bouquet, and place the daisy on a seat in the front row on my way up the aisle where he would have sat.  I don’t know if it will make anyone sad – but I know it will be special to me to see it there and know that he is seeing it too somehow.

Post # 12
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

MJogan, we also struggle with not wanting people to think we aren’t remembering her, but also not wanting to make Mr. O’s family sad. It’s so hard, and I’m sorry that you’re in the same situation. I don’t have a lot of answers for you, but I just wanted to offer you my sympathy and hope that you find a solution that gives you, your dad, and your mom peace.

Post # 13
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so glad that you have such a wonderful step-mom! If you’re worried about being offensive (though your step-mom might really be ok with it, have you guys talked about your mom at all?) or saddening the happy day, maybe you could do one of those bouquet charms with her picture in it. Then it’s kind of like she’s there with you walking down the aisle.

Post # 14
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My grandmother passed away last May. I am planning on doing what June Bug suggested and attaching a bouquet charm with her picture in it to my bouquet. I thought about leaving a rose on an empty chair but since this is still a fairly recent lost I thought it might hurt people too much. I will also be wearing her perfume on my wedding day.

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