(Closed) Inspired Post: How do people rationalize adding people to wedding RSVPs?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MoonlitMagnolia:  Lots of possibilities:

 they were never taught good manners

they don’t really care about good manners

many young couples are easily intimidated

they simply aren’t able to separate from their children- (Not referring to nursing babies)

they really believe that their opinion, wants and desires are more important than the host’s

they have never devoloped  a plan for going out without their children

etc etc etc


Post # 4
1210 posts
Bumble bee

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I truly think that most people just don’t know the “etiquette” of invites. I think the people who do understand (at least from my family’s experience) will usually call and ask if they can bring so-and-so, rather then just writing it in on the RSVP card. Which is still rude, but at least it shows some comprehension that they were the only ones invited.

Post # 6
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MoonlitMagnolia:  Naivety or possibly just trying to be pushy. My parents couldn’t make it to one of my cousin’s wedding a few years back. They sent my invite to my parent’s house even though she knew I wasn’t living there and had my new address. It kind of annoyed me but then my naivety probably annoyed the crap out of her. I called and asked if Fiance (then BF) could come with me since my parents weren’t able to make it. We’d been together well over a year but once I joined the Bee I realized I was waaay in the wrong to ask.

Post # 7
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

With both plus ones and children, there seems to be a certain sense of entitlement.  “I have a child/plus one so I get to bring a child/plus one.” 

There are also certain etiqute issues that make people feel very entitled to a plus one.  Married couples, yes, you have to invite their other half.  Living together and engaged seems to cause a lot of headaches, as that can change five times between when the couple gets engaged and when invites are sent.  I had three cousins get engaged and 4 friends move in with SOs since my Fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago.  One of those move ins has also moved out.  I could tear my hair out.  They are all invited, but I have NEVER been this involved and watchful of people’s dating lives before.

And of course, with children there is the “My child is a saint, and a super speical snow flake, so of course, they are invited.”

Post # 8
561 posts
Busy bee

I bet for most people it is that they just don’t know. When I was invited to weddings in my early 20’s I had no idea that I couldn’t bring a +1 if the envelope was just addressed to me…I would just add on my SO’s name and respond “2” because there was a blank for # attending. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized I couldn’t!

Post # 9
25 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m not sure i understand not having children at the wedding. I look at weddings as a family affair and should be for the whole fam-damily. We will not have children at ours just because it’s a Destination Wedding and no one with children RSVPed yes. We had 1 couple ask if it would be OK to bring their 3 year old grand daughter… I got so excited that i might be able to dress this tiny girl up and force her to be a flower girl. Little kids would probably be leavign early anyway due to bed times.

I refused to leave out first cousins and SOs, ie. Gay uncle’s Boyfriend or Best Friend.

If someone brings a SO that’s not engaged or married, take pics with and without the SO so that if they break up, no harm.

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