(Closed) Insulted..by fiance

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

this is stupid. it was a fight he said some words cuz u were acting like a baby. get over it. its not like he hit u or something.

Post # 18
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@hzleys100: Fights can still be serious (and people can be abusive) without physical violence ever taking place, just so you know.

However, this is not the OP’s situation. They both seem to be immature people.

Post # 19
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, all of these people are telling you to go to couple’s counselling. I’m not sure if one major fight means you need to go to counselling. IMO sometimes fights build the relationship stronger. I know that Mr and I have fights but they’re usually about silly things. We say hurtful things we don’t mean and then we apologize before going to bed… like clockwork. Your Mr tried to apologize and you ignored him. That’s where you went wrong. If you go to bed angry it has time to stew and it makes you bitter and unable to forget. I think you guys need to talk about it, and if you’re still feeling bad I’d suggest therapy as well. 

Post # 20
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Geez what’s with everyone being so snarky. Obviously she looked over her own faults but calling it stupid, immature and asking if she’s 5 is just rude. The hive seems to resemble the knot lately. There is a gentler way to respond to her situation. 

 

OP: Even though hearing F you from your fiance is hurtful take a moment and try to think about the things you’ve said to him. If your fiance said the things you said to him how would you react/feel? Also, you guys were at his cousins wedding. Just take a moment and think about perhaps a brother, sister, or a cousin you invite to your wedding. What if one of their gfs/bfs or fiances started a fight at your wedding? What if they were making a scene on your big day? How would you expect your brother, sister, or cousin to react? 

 

I’m never the one to just say forget about it. I don’t think it’s healthy for people unless they forgive. Before deciding to forgive and thinking you’re being the bigger person, just switch the situation around and see how you would react. Try to understand why your fiance reacted the way he did. 

Post # 21
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like you are both pretty stressed and being in a LDR is tough!

You need to both talk when you’re calm and rational and review how you handle conflicts.

Talk about how to fight fair- and that means both you. Taking off your ring and making a scene at a family wedding is…well I’m sure you know.

If you were freaked out by his reaction, think about it from his perspective. And he should think of it from yours.

Honestly, one fight isn’t enough for me to recommend counseling. You need to learn how to deal with situations together because honestly, this is just the beginning. Wait til you have a home, family, car problems…the list goes on and on.

Kiss and make up 🙂 Have some heart to heart talks and work it out

Post # 22
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I got some high school flashbacks reading this post as well.  I’m not asking this to be snarky, I’m genuinely curious: how old are you guys?

Post # 23
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just to clarify, I wasn’t basing my recommendation for counseling on the fact that they had one fight.  I was just thinking that usually people who have fights like this are in a pattern where they have the same type of fight over and over.

Post # 25
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

View original reply
@kt131:  The way you explained it in your first post was he was trying to calm you down, you were over-reacting, you tried to take off your engagement ring, and then he said all kinds of mean hurtful things to you.

Your ring is a symbol of a promise you made to each other. He declared his undying love to you by giving you that ring and asking you to marry him. You declared your undying love to him by taking it and agreeing to marry him. No, you aren’t married yet, but you’ve both declared you love each other enough to promise for better or worse. The engagement is when that promise really happens, or at least should happen; the wedding just formalizes it.

So imagine, knowing how much he loves you and what the ring meant to him when he gave it to you, how much it cut to see you so willing to take it off your finger over an argument which you admit you overreacted about. I’m sure that hurt him more deeply than anything you said to him that night.

So, knowing how deeply you hurt him by trying to remove a ring that is so special to both of you, can you really wonder why he got to the point to say such nasty things to you?

Post # 26
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ouch—I just want to chime in to offer you some support because I think some of the replies have been a little judgmental, and I don’t see how that is helpful when someone is genuinely looking for help. I give you credit for not sugar-coating it and making it sound like the WHOLE thing was his fault.

Both of you were very upset. We all make mistakes and behave in ways we’re not proud of, even and sometimes especially with the one who is closest to us. It happens.

You both didn’t handle your unhappiness well, and it sounds like you let something go out of control. It sounds like he was sincerely sorry, and while you still don’t like what he said to you (I wouldn’t either!), I do think it’s important to own your part and forgive him for his mistake.

I also agree that counseling will help the two of you figure out what might be underlying a fight like this, and help you find healthier and more respectul ways to deal with conflict.

Post # 27
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, I will come out and say that Fiance and I have had big fights like this one. We’ve both told each other to “F off” at some point. I’ve been called a “b”, i’ve called him an “a-hole”…. BUT, I will also say that Fiance and I have been together since we were 18 and most of these fights occurred in the first year or so that we were together.

I kind of have to agree that this whole situation seems to have been handled in a fairly immature manner. I understand the emotion that comes from it. I will not lie and say that I dont have moments where I say stuff to him that is totally out of line. Sometimes your emotions and your mouth run away with you. It happens.

That being said, you never clarified what it was that you said to him to set him off. There is a point where you cannot take another person needling you any longer without snapping. It sounds like he just got fed up and this was the result.

In the end, I think that you should just put it behind you. It seems like there were things said on both sides. That makes you evenly guilty in this situation. He apologized and forgave you for your behavior, I think you should just do the same.

Post # 28
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Boy. Sorry you two had a rough day or two. Sounds like you need to look in the mirror. Yes you have admitted you are to blame most of the time but that realization isn’t helping either of you. If I were him and it was almost always, as you said, your fault, I would have reacted in the same way. No one is perfect and you both made some poor choices. Hopefully counseling is an option for you both. Good luck.

The topic ‘Insulted..by fiance’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors