Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Hi everyone, I don’t know if this is the right place to ask but I just felt I should get some different opinions on the personal matter that faces me. I proposed to my girlfriend in Aug and things seemed just fine ( at times awesome) afterwards. Our relationship is coming up on 20 months. She recently moved to florida for a good job and I plan on moving there once my daughter graduates in may. I would move now but with my daughter being first up to be valedictorian we both agreed it would do her more harm then good. I have the great fortune of having a job where I can visit her every 3 weeks for a week at a time. On my last visit as she was getting ready for work she took off her engagement ring because it almost tore her panty hose. For the next 4 days I was there she did not wear it again. Just a few days ago she sent a pic from work and she was still not wearing it. I haven’t noticed anything different in our conversations but I feel in a funk cause I have been referred as her boyfriend and not fiance since. I plan on talking with her face to face next visit about it. Just wanting some of your counter points and views.
Post # 2
Member
7 posts
Newbee
moonatic2u: btw disregard the 1969 thing…. lol. Have no idea!
Post # 3
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
You should talk to her about this for a better perspective, but likely it’s all in your head.
Does your FI typically wear much jewelry? If not she may just not be used to wearing it, which makes her forgetful about putting it on. If thats not the case, perhaps she realized the way the center stone sits is on the high side and gets in the way every once and a while. Have you asked her if she likes her ring? If she says no, please don’t get angry, listen to her concerns about it and consider exchanging it for something she’d wear every day.
as for calling you boyfriend, that’s probably an accident, I still occasionally call my FI my BF without thinking.
Post # 4
Member
7 posts
Newbee
I asked several times and she said she liked it and al the good comments she got.
Post # 5
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
I can understand why you feel the way you do, especially more so when she refers to you as her boyfriend rather than fiance on top of her not wearing the ring. While it is true that some rings can snag pantyhose…. I don’t think that excuse would prevent her from putting the ring back on. Plenty of ladies out there wear pantyhose and still wear their ring.
I don’t know your fiancé so I don’t want to assume and plant wrong ideas into your head. A non confrontational heart to heart talk would be a good start. I would try to study her responses and and pair it with what you know of her personality.
I will share my story… When I first got my ring, I was so excited and could not stop looking at it while I was with my fiance. But when it came to work and church… I was immediately uncomfortable. I am a huge introvert and was not sure how I felt with the extra attention and wanted to keep quiet at first. Three weeks later, I am proud to wear my ring with confidence. All I needed was a little time to process it all.
Post # 6
Member
2812 posts
Sugar bee
Definitely talk to her about how she’s feeling, but I don’t think there’s anything inherently insulting about not wearing one’s ring. I often take mine off (I have only one ring that is both my engagement and wedding ring) to do various things such as cook, put on hand lotion, etc, and once I do it is easy to continue to forget to put it back on. Especially if I took it off upstairs and then every time I notice I’m not wearing it I’m either downstairs, out, in the middle of the next task that would require me to take it off…
Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Also she wears jewlry all the time.
Post # 8
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
Just ask her it’s prob nothing …i have a friend who is very happily married but never wears a ring wil wear costume jewellery and stuff instead also is she a jewellery person se woman are not and dont put a lot of significance on it…mayne its playing on your head/emotions because u miss her so much when your apart and the ring is yoir way of feeling more connected to her?… if u tell her it bothers u she wil prob put bk on and not take it off
Post # 9
Member
9434 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
My FI would feel the same way. She might just forget to put it back on- Id let her know how you feel about it and how uneasy it makes you. Also give her another chance to come forward if she’s feeling issues about the ring or engagement. Hopefully she just says oh sorry I just forget sometimes but I love it and you and am so happy to be engaged.
Post # 10
Member
4516 posts
Honey bee
moonatic2u: I think it’s probably nothing, but worth asking her about. Maybe she just forgets to put the ring on or maybe she doesn’t like the attention she gets when wearing it or maybe she doesn’t like having to explain your long distance situation everytime someone sees the ring and asks about it, maybe it’s somehting else, only she knows.
I also wanted to add that outside of the bee, I never refer to my FI as “fiance.” I just hate how pretentious it sounds and I don’t feel comfortable saying it.
Post # 12
Member
2367 posts
Buzzing bee
moonatic2u: I would just ask if there’s a reason that she doesn’t wear it. This would bother me too, especially since she does enjoy wearing jewelry. I understand that some people just find jewelry uncomfortable, or they have a job where they can’t wear it (chef, surgeon, etc.). Other than those things, unless she’s just forgetful, I would kind of wonder why she didn’t wear it. I think you need to just talk to her about how it makes you feel and see if there’s a valid reason.
Oh and I wouldn’t worry about her not calling you “fiance”, I don’t call my FI that either, I just say “boyfriend”. Fiance feels pretentious and unnatural to me.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by swonderful.
Post # 13
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
moonatic2u: sometimes I still say “boyfriend” accidentally and then correct myself. And I’m married! but he was my boyfriend for many years and has only been my fiancé/husband for just over a year, so I’m still getting used to the new titles. 🙂
Post # 14
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
I would ask her as well to clarify why she doesn’t wear it. If she doesn’t like the style or finds it to be cumbersome, you’ll want to know…some women just prefer to get married and wear a band only.
Post # 15
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
Yeah…I agree with others, as her what she’s feeling, it may be nothing. I personally can’t imagine consistently not wearing my ring, but I think it depends on the person. She’s really the only one who will know what’s going on in her head.
Post # 16
Member
3289 posts
Sugar bee
I never said fiance. Neither did my husband. We were bf/gf until we were husband and wife. We just didn’t like the word! Meant nothing about our impending wedding. Just aaaaaask instead of stewing. Could save you a LOT of time and stress.
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