(Closed) Intensely attracted to best man

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

go home and jump your Fiance.

No need to tell him your inspiration 😉

Post # 4
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

As long as you’re legitimately happy in your relationship with your fiance and do not act on these feelings everything is okay. You may find the more you’re around him the less you like him. Right now, you may be romanticizing the experience from your past. As you get to know ‘crushes’ real personalities, they usually become less attactive. Seeing someone once a month is pretty casual so you probably haven’t noticed his fatal flaw (i.e. something that will turn you off)

Post # 6
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with bebefly- curve your lust energy towards a good use!

Post # 9
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

For most people, commitment, and even monogamy, don’t have to mean never lusting after anyone ever again. I think it’s totally fine to find people attractive and fantasize about them. It’s really not a problem as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to cheat, so you don’t have a problem. I don’t think you have to feel guilty about it at all.

Post # 10
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh. I hooked up with the best man before I was dating my fiance…and I have only talked to him once since then. Luckily he lost all of his good looks during the past 4 years.

I think its totally normal to be attracted to other people. But you still need to be attracted to your fiance and have something special with him that you don’t have with anyone else!

Post # 11
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m so sorry your in this situation. Just know that everything is going to be okay. I understand how you feel as I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend (now fiance) before I got engaged and it’s difficult to control. It’s like you feel a certain way and can’t help it but at the same time you wish to god it wasn’t there. I PROMISE eventually it will go away. I think sometimes we feel a certain way just because we can’t. I’m sure you love your fiance and you are NOT a jerk in any way. As long as you don’t act upon these feelings, then I’m sure your relationship with your fiance will be fantastic. 🙂 One thing though is I would NOT take the “energy” and use it on your fiance. It’s just my personal opinion but I would never want my fiance to come running home and tearing off my clothes because he is thinking about how much he is lusting after someone else. Not fair to him.

Spend some more time with your fiance. I found that to help ALOT when I was in this situation. Hang out with him and you’ll be reminded why your engaged to him and not this other guy. 🙂

Hang in there and PM me if you ever need to talk! 

Post # 12
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had the same problem as you but instead of only seeing his best friend once a month we all lived together! I hated how attracted I was to his best friend and felt awful about it! Through the months of me being with my SO, his best friend and I became best friends as well, soon I was the one that knew more about him then my SO. One night we all got drunk together and my SO went to bed before us. His best friend and I stayed up for hours talking to each other and in our drunking state confessed to each other that we had crushes on each other. Thankfully it ended there and nothing happend. we ended up going to bed our separate was without and physical contact. After that night I was terrified that I would always feel this attraction to his best friend and worried that it would lead to bad things. Luckily when the lease was up we went our seprate ways and over time my attraction to his best friend has faded. I want you to know that the feelings will fade I promise it just takes time. And don’t tell anyone about your attraction because it will only make people doubt you and only you know that you will not do anything. I never let my feelings get the best of me and nothing physical happened. It will get better with time I promise in the mean time cling to your SO whenever those feelings arise and put them to work with him.

Post # 13
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh bummer. I’m sorry–that’s frustrating, especially since you love your Fiance and would never want to do anything to hurt him! Sounds like you’ve got a case of infatuation, but the good news about those is that they are totally chemical and not based in real love. I’d say that if you’re worried, maybe you can put some distance between yourself and the best man so that the “animal magnetism” doesn’t get the best of you before the infatuation wears off! I heard somewhere that it takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to come off the chemical high and come back to reality. Hang in there, girl! Sounds like you’re doing well!

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