Post # 1
I’m a regular used under a different name because I feel like too much of a jerk to use my real one.
Back story- Prior to meeting my fiance or even knowing he existed, I met his best friend at a party and made out with him a little. Nothing ever happened after that, he lived far away so I never really cared enough to pursue it and soon after met my fiance (his best friend). We were in a long distance relationship for some time and then I moved to be with him about 6 months into our relationship. Since then, I see his best friend maybe once a month when we go out to parties and things like that. Whenever that happens, I find myself intensely attracted to him. Like crazy vibes that take a lot of will power to control. I would never cheat on my fiance but it drives me insane and it always takes me a few days after seeing him to stop feeling that way. It makes me feel like such a jerk. I love my fiance so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I can’t help that I just want to jump his best friend SO BAD. What should I do? I’m too embarrassed to tell anybody, which is why I came to the bee.
Post # 3
go home and jump your Fiance.
No need to tell him your inspiration 😉
Post # 4
As long as you’re legitimately happy in your relationship with your fiance and do not act on these feelings everything is okay. You may find the more you’re around him the less you like him. Right now, you may be romanticizing the experience from your past. As you get to know ‘crushes’ real personalities, they usually become less attactive. Seeing someone once a month is pretty casual so you probably haven’t noticed his fatal flaw (i.e. something that will turn you off)
Post # 5
I am very, very happy in my relationship and by no means would I want to be with his best friend, he has a lot of qualities that I would hate in a partner. The only problem is the fricken animal magnetism I have towards him. It just makes me feel like a horrible person.
Post # 6
I agree with bebefly- curve your lust energy towards a good use!
Post # 9
For most people, commitment, and even monogamy, don’t have to mean never lusting after anyone ever again. I think it’s totally fine to find people attractive and fantasize about them. It’s really not a problem as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to cheat, so you don’t have a problem. I don’t think you have to feel guilty about it at all.
Post # 10
Ugh. I hooked up with the best man before I was dating my fiance…and I have only talked to him once since then. Luckily he lost all of his good looks during the past 4 years.
I think its totally normal to be attracted to other people. But you still need to be attracted to your fiance and have something special with him that you don’t have with anyone else!
Post # 11
I’m so sorry your in this situation. Just know that everything is going to be okay. I understand how you feel as I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend (now fiance) before I got engaged and it’s difficult to control. It’s like you feel a certain way and can’t help it but at the same time you wish to god it wasn’t there. I PROMISE eventually it will go away. I think sometimes we feel a certain way just because we can’t. I’m sure you love your fiance and you are NOT a jerk in any way. As long as you don’t act upon these feelings, then I’m sure your relationship with your fiance will be fantastic. 🙂 One thing though is I would NOT take the “energy” and use it on your fiance. It’s just my personal opinion but I would never want my fiance to come running home and tearing off my clothes because he is thinking about how much he is lusting after someone else. Not fair to him.
Spend some more time with your fiance. I found that to help ALOT when I was in this situation. Hang out with him and you’ll be reminded why your engaged to him and not this other guy. 🙂
Hang in there and PM me if you ever need to talk!
Post # 12
I had the same problem as you but instead of only seeing his best friend once a month we all lived together! I hated how attracted I was to his best friend and felt awful about it! Through the months of me being with my SO, his best friend and I became best friends as well, soon I was the one that knew more about him then my SO. One night we all got drunk together and my SO went to bed before us. His best friend and I stayed up for hours talking to each other and in our drunking state confessed to each other that we had crushes on each other. Thankfully it ended there and nothing happend. we ended up going to bed our separate was without and physical contact. After that night I was terrified that I would always feel this attraction to his best friend and worried that it would lead to bad things. Luckily when the lease was up we went our seprate ways and over time my attraction to his best friend has faded. I want you to know that the feelings will fade I promise it just takes time. And don’t tell anyone about your attraction because it will only make people doubt you and only you know that you will not do anything. I never let my feelings get the best of me and nothing physical happened. It will get better with time I promise in the mean time cling to your SO whenever those feelings arise and put them to work with him.
Post # 13
Oh bummer. I’m sorry–that’s frustrating, especially since you love your Fiance and would never want to do anything to hurt him! Sounds like you’ve got a case of infatuation, but the good news about those is that they are totally chemical and not based in real love. I’d say that if you’re worried, maybe you can put some distance between yourself and the best man so that the “animal magnetism” doesn’t get the best of you before the infatuation wears off! I heard somewhere that it takes anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to come off the chemical high and come back to reality. Hang in there, girl! Sounds like you’re doing well!