"Intention to Elope" announcements

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
4619 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

So I do think it’s a lovely idea but I also worry that it’s a tad strange (and rude) to ask people to contribute to something they won’t be able to witness. Whether I’m right or wrong is up for debate of course.

If you want to do it I would definitely put the private ceremony (I prefer this to elopement but think either are fine) and reception invitation in the same envelope so it’s clear. Then you can show off the handfasting cord at the party 🙂

Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I agree with 

View original reply
ladyartichoke — I think this is well intentioned but would be poorly received.

I would feel a bit hurt being told we want your *presence* without having to share the moment with you or host you at our wedding. 

Stay quiet, elope, and send out a notice of marriage and invitation to celebrate after the date.

Post # 4
Member
3597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

yeah… this won’t work.

If you wanted to do the handfasting as part of the wedding party, send out an invite for that and ask for fabric to make the cord with…. but if I am totally honest, the chances of me remembering to dig out some fabric / buy something and send it to you in advance of this event are small…

An elopement is running off to get married with no one there. You are having a small private wedding with a larger party later.

Post # 5
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think it’s a sweet idea and I’d be delighted to contribute. I find it really hard to believe that the people closest to you wouldn’t want to contribute. 

Maybe mention in person or on the phone your desire to elope, and see if people react in a supportive way or in a hurt way? Then go from there. 

Post # 8
Member
3597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
lunaluna :  It is the same in the UK that you need two witnesses – what I meant was no one that you know there (your witness can be 2 people off the street they don’t need to know you)

Post # 9
Member
9118 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
lunaluna :  What makes it rude is the you are choosing to exclude them. I think it is weird to say we really want you to be a part of our wedding so send us some fabric but we really don’t want you there.

Post # 12
Member
5028 posts
Bee Keeper

Except that is still a choice you are making.  You can have them there…You can not run off to Tasmania and have a wedding that is local and convenient for your friends…You just don’t want to.  It isn’t like one of you is in prison and the warden only allows a private ceremony – no one us holding a gun to your head making you have a private ceremony.  It is a conscious choice you are making to exclude them from being at your wedding by choosing to have it private and inconvenient for them.  And that is totally a valid option for you to choose, but then you own it instead of playing it off like this is the only way to include.  So yeah, you are choosing to exclude them, but then still want a favor.  

I personally would not be responsive to this, especially in an impersonal “invitation” by card to do you a favor for a wedding I am not invited to.  If you can’t take the time to ask me personally, I am probably not going to be willing to take time out of my day to get fabric and ship it to you.  If it is something that means that much to you, then you should be asking the people you care most about in person/by phone.  I would potentially be willing in that scenario, but something about getting that request in a form letter (for lack of a better word) sort of smacks of insincerity to me about how important my personal “contribution” would be.

 

ETA But for your actual question, yes, I think referring to it as a private ceremony is less confusing for most than elopement.

Post # 13
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think if you call it a private ceremony it’s fine to ask for ribbon contributions.  And you can invite people to a party in the same envelope or separately. If people get offended it’s their problem not yours!

Post # 14
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

View original reply
lunaluna :  I’m glad you’re receptive to our feedback!  

Essentially, if having these people *with* you on your wedding day was important to you, you would make it happen.  You have a different priority — being intimate, being in Tassie (which is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!) — but as a result you are making a choice for these people not to be there.  That’s fine but you need to own that.

And be wary when testing the waters re elopement.  Many people will support you and therefore say they’re happy for you but actually be quite hurt.

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