"Intention to Elope" announcements

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 17
Member
13905 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@ lunaluna   I agree with the others that it might not be well received.  As an alternative, would you consider doing the handfasting ceremony at your party later on when the guests could be included?  It might be a nice way to make guests feel like they’re witnessing the marriage, even though you’re already married. 

Post # 18
Member
3409 posts
Sugar bee

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@ lunaluna   You are free to embellish this idea of yours with all the semantic twist and turns that you wish. But the fact remains that you “don’t want people there”, yet you want those very same people to do something meaningful for you, while you don’t want to share with them something as meaningful as your ceremony.

Post # 20
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Sorry bee, but I agree that it seems weird to say ‘we don’t want you there’ (which you don’t, because you’re choosing to have a completely private ceremony – fine, your choice), whilst then saying ‘we want to include you’.

I wouldn’t be offended if my friends eloped without telling me. Nor would I be offended if they had a tiny family-only ceremony, or a quick private wedding for some clear reason (wedding cost/venue availability/visa issue/military etc). In those cases I think it would be more understandable to do the hand-binding request because it would sound more like you DID want to invite them but cannot due to circumstances. But this seems like you are consciously choosing not to invite people because you don’t want them there – in which case I don’t really get why you want to include them at all.

I don’t think it’s at all like the birth of a child, which is not traditionally a public event.

Post # 23
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@ lunaluna   I don’t think it’s a language thing, we’re all speaking pretty clear English. You *are* telling them you don’t want them there, but you want a gift from them.  Even if the gift is just string. If you asked your closest friends and family in person I could see it being a different story—like “if you have something laying around.” 

Oh. And having a mom and sister there equals “guests.” Elopement=witnesses such as justice of the peace/Photog.

Post # 24
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@ lunaluna   “You’re seeing it as me rudely asking people to do something for me. I see it as asking people I love to be involved in a loving act.”

When my brother helps me move, it’s a “loving act” too. If you want to convince yourself this is nice then by all means. Just don’t post for opinions. 

Post # 26
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@ lunaluna   Yes I have misunderstood – I edited my response. Still think the invitation asking for a sort of “gift” is weird when they’re not invited. I’d say ask in person. 

Post # 29
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@ lunaluna   “I guess that’s where our opinons differ on this matter. You’re seeing it as me rudely asking people to do something for me. I see it as asking people I love to be involved in a loving act.”

 

except you’re not asking people to be involved in your loving act. You’re asking them to stay home and send you ribbons.

 

if you’re getting this much pushback here, you’ll get exponentially more in real life where people are actually emotionally invested in you. If you elope quietly (and really eloping is meant to be a secret and you run away to do it) and announce it when it’s over, you may have some people who are disappointed they couldn’t join in but overall people will find it sweet and romantic, and they’ll be supportive of you. If you send them advance notice of something they’re not invited to, that’s just hurtful, and it’s even worse if you tell them “we don’t actually want you there that day, but could you please send us some stuff?”  And it doesn’t  really matter how YOU interpret your request; what matters is how your not-guests will interpret it. So just because YOU find it a lovely idea doesn’t make it an actual lovely idea to everyone else. It’s not about what you think, once you start involving other people.

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