"Intention to Elope" announcements

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 31
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s rude and in poor taste to send a “you’re not invited but please contribute” announcement. Just explain to your closest friends/family in person and ask for fabric if you want. But mailing out an exclusion announcement is rude and attention-seeking no matter how you romanticize it. 

Post # 33
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
lunaluna :  yes your view is unlikely to change my mind because it is what it is! “Here’s this thing coming up you’re not invited to”. It’s rude, don’t do it.

Post # 35
Member
13350 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You can spin this any which way you like but you’d still be mistaken. The bottom line is that what you’re proposing is not appropriate. Asking people to contribute or be involved in any way in something to which they are not invited is considered rude. That’s just common sense, but it’s also good manners and the etiquette of your question.

Likewise, an announcement after a wedding is okay, though few people do them anymore in this day and age of instant communication. Beforehand, combined with a request to go of their way for something they are not part of is neither considerate nor inclusive. Frankly, it would be tacky. You can’t have it both ways.

Post # 37
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I don’t know why you asked for feedback if you’re going to push back and claim it’s a matter of “opinion” and “language.” My Fiance and I are doing a similar ceremony and I would feel incredibly uncomfortable sending cards asking them to contribute to a ceremony they aren’t invited to/won’t witness…because it is inherently rude. If you ask in person, I think it mitigates the rudeness a bit, but my circle would still be raising eyebrows at this request. But it’s your wedding and you’ve obviously made up your mind, best of luck

Post # 39
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

I would call it an elopment, since you are only bringing your two witnesses. The ribbons/fabric is a very sweet idea, my family and friends would gladly contribute without rasing an eyebrow. You know your crowd best.

Post # 41
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
lunaluna :  Sounds like you’ve come to a good compromise re: asking in person and I agree that this is a good solution. FWIW, this is an example of “knowing your crowd” because in my crowd I think gofundme pages are tacky for *anything* let alone something optional such as a wedding. Honestly, even for unexpected illnesses and accidents I think it’s very tacky to ask for money. The only time I would approve and/or contribute is a charity (in someone’s honor who has passed) or fundraising for a marathon or mission trip. 

But this is just my belief. So obviously if in your crowd someone would start a gofundme for a wedding *shudder* we must have different crowds. And as they say – only you know yours!

Post # 42
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d throw the announcement away. This all has a very gift-grabby feel to it. If your ceremony is private don’t flash it in my face, leave me out of it.

Post # 43
Member
4953 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think, if you’re inviting these people to your big party later, asking for a ribbon or something for your private handfasting ceremony is fine. You definitely know your crowd best, but I wouldn’t be offended – as long as I was invited to something related to your marriage. I also think asking in person is a good idea, and picking only the closest and most important people. 

I would hold off on doing an announcement until afterwards. Elopement is technically supposed to be spontaneous and a surprise. You could do a “Surprise, we eloped! Join us for our big celebration” annoucement/invite. 

Post # 44
Member
13350 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Asking in person may or may not “go over” better.  But it’s not really any more appropriate. You aren’t breaking any laws and the world is not going to come to an crashing end, but social standards exist in order to show consideration for others and prevent misunderstandings or hurt feelings. 

If you said you don’t care about any of that it would be more accurate than saying it’s not rude. Just because some people you know do similarly improper things or worse doesn’t support your argument.

Post # 45
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
lunaluna :  I would think it was rude in the 30th bday instance as well. If I knew my friend wasn’t having a big party I’d send a card anyway but if they ASKED for one I’d be annoyed and put off. 

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