(Closed) Interacial marriage problem

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think you should wait to get married until you and your bf can live without financial support from either of your parents. His parents sound like racist jerks, and unfortunately they will have some power over you if you are dependant upon living in their home, and the only way to limit their power is to not need anything from them. Take some time to think it over, see if you can save up some money, and see if he is still ‘the one’ 6 months to a year from now. You are also very young! I wouldn’t rush into anything. Good luck and stay strong!

Post # 3
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I don’t think this is racism. I think this is his family being cautious. You two are young, met online and are from two different worlds. If you were my daughter or he was my son I would be skeptical as well. 

Post # 4
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
leekissesme:  Exactly. 

I think it is absolutley fair to have a pre-nup that outlines what money of your husband’s you’d be entitled to, as there’s a good chance it would take a while for you to get a job in Germany. His parents are looking out for his best interests, and theirs. 

I also agree that you should not marry until you two can support yourselves on your own. I don’t think anyone should.

Post # 5
Member
9016 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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didi0:  Are they stereotyping, yes but unfortunately the “bad” stories about visa marriages are the ones heard the loudest. I find this is especially true in wealthy countries with generous welfare and immigration systems. Is it fair, hell no but there are a lot of people that do abuse the system.

I see nothing wrong with a pre-nup. I have one. All it is is an insurance policy against the worst, same reason you have car or home insurance. 

Post # 6
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you need to claim down.  They are his parents and they are just looking out for him.  Nothing they are asking is the least bit offensive if you plan to do right by their son.  Yes, you have talked with him for half a year or so, perhaps a year, but you haven’t stayed in the same country for more than three weeks.  Plus, you guys are really young.  His parents are just trying to protect him which is what any good parents should do.  Sign the marriage contract and prove them wrong.  Make sure you have some protection in the marriage contract just in case and a “oh shit” fund in case things do not work out so you can either A) Get back to your own country or B) Stay in Germany and get your own place and a job.  

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  NovaRising.
Post # 7
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

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NovaRising:  Good point. If you don’t plan on divorcing, why should a pre-nup matter? 

Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

I agree with your boyfriend, you have no understanding of the German culture; what’s happening really doesn’t seem odd to me.

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
didi0:  why o why would you want to marry anyone man/woman who isn’t independent is beyond me.

Wait. When you get married its to start your lives together.  If he has to ask his parents for their input in marriage then I’d be annoyed that I am marrying a boy that needs to have his parents input on things.  On the other side of it though obviously his parents are going to be concerned (I mean they’re parents)

How did you “accidently” meet online

Post # 10
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Of course I meant calm not claim.  Damn phone…

Oh and I’m in an interracial marriage btw.

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  NovaRising.
Post # 11
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
didi0:  Hi!

I live in germany and I think i understand what is going on. 

I am so sorry you are going through this. 

One thing you should understadn: German culture is a very cautious culture. They make contracts and insurances for EVERYTHING. 

In this case, it isn’t just you 🙂

There are extremely clear rules about who get what etc. after divorce in Germany. There may even be things in a prenup which aren’t legally binding. You can relay 100% on the German judicial system. You are not being screwed over, German law is very clear on this since the divorce laws changed about 8 years ago. It really doenst matter what document his family draws up, the law is non-negotiable regardless of what is in the pre-nup.

And again: it isn’t you personally. His parents really are being normal for German culture. Get prepared emotionally for this if you want to live here. 

 

And you should know: there is still a lot of predjudice here with bi-rational couples (especially if the female is asian) People do and will judge you. And it will hurt. Get ready for that. People will stare, they may even make rude comments. I have asian friends who have gone through this a lot. It’s something German culture still needs to work on.

Consider now if you can deal with this while you live in a foreign possibly not always kind culture in another language without the support of your friends and family. It is a serious commitment not everyone is prepared for. Your partner sounds really supportive and helpful, make sure you are emotionally strong and felxible enough too. 

On the bright side: Germany is beautiful, the people can be wonderfully generous and openhearted and kind. There is a great sense of democracy here and security. Also there are many people from all over the world here just waiting to get to know you! 

Good luck, Bee!

 

Post # 12
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
athenalex:  *sigh* very many Germans still live with the parents. Yes, it’s wierd. No, it’s not uncommon. It will make the OP life more difficult though. 🙁

Post # 13
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

OP, I’m German (born and raised) and I agree with his parents. It’s not about being typical German, it’s about being careful. I’m sure you’re a very nice girl and you’re motives to be with him are completely genuine, but if I was the parent of a 22 years old boy (yes, boy) who wanted to get married to an even younger girl that’s from very far away, I’d also be cautious.  First of all, both of you are extremly young, and are planning to get married after a very short time of knowing each other. I don’t know any German who got married at that young age (nowadays at least), and it’s a big risk, in any country. Second, I would protect my assets as well. Again, I’m not saying you’re interested in his money, but it’s always good to be cautious. If I were you, I’d wait to get married until you’re a both a bit older and those problems are figured out.

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  dalia88.
Post # 14
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Shesaidyes:  Actually that is not common at all. The average age of us moving out is 20. When I was in college doing my Bachelor’s degree, none of my friends was still living with their parents.

Post # 15
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Holy, moly, I totally skipped over the part about you guys being 20 and 22 years old. Wow, yes, I agree with dalia88, you guys are pretty young! 

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