(Closed) Intercultural wedding – Fiances family prejudiced

posted 8 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you and your Fiance need to have a serious talk about how you want to handle this in the future.  I’m sure that this won’t be the only time that your Mother-In-Law does this, so you need to decide what is acceptable for you both and then lay it down for her.  Your right, this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.  And it’s YOUR day, not hers.  Good luck.  I hope you can find some balance.

Also, I think you should go ahead with your sangeet party.  As for your Mother-In-Law, it has no effect on her anyway, so she should butt out.

Post # 4
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You definitely should be able to incorporate elements of your culture into your wedding.  After all, this wedding should represent both YOU and FI’s cultures.  I definitely think that you should go ahead with your plans for your sangeet party- if FI’s mother is against it, then she doesn’t have to come.  Is she paying for it?  No? Then she has no say, and you are by no means being disrespectful to her by having it.

I think you and Fiance need to have a very serious talk about this and Fiance needs to set boundaries with his mother.  Otherwise, I can see this non acceptance of your culture carrying on into other elements of your life, such as if/when you and Fiance have children.  It’s not right that she is so against the incorporation of your culture, and you absolutely deserve to have your wedding be representative of you and your family.

Post # 5
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I I were you, I’d be having a very serious discussion with Fiance and future Mother-In-Law. Doesn’t sound as if she is going to stop behaving like this once you are married. As somebody above said, how will she react when you have children? The fact that she doesn’t like your Indian culture/heritage worries me.  I think it’s very important to speak with them both now-before the wedding!

By the way, I’m a white American who just married an Indian man in India. Our Amercian wedding is next month here in PA. His family was/is totally accepting of my culture and mine (not my father and stepmother) is also accepting of his. They all understand that we are married, going to have children and will raise our children with an understanding of both cultures, histories, various religions, foods, etc.

So sorry she is making everything difficult-but I think you really need to speak with her or have your Fiance speak with her (or both of you). Doesn’t sound good to me…

Hope everything goes well!

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I 100% agree with the bees above. You really need to have a talk with your Fiance about your FMIL’s racial issues. My best friend married an Indian man, and they incorporated both a Hindu ceremony as well as a Christian ceremony on the day of the wedding. It was beautiful, and I was so glad to experience both. Even my mom, who is opposed to anything outside her norm, was very interested in both experiences.

Your Future Mother-In-Law needs to understand that this is your culture, and you have every right to incorporate what you want in the ceremony. And DO NOT let her cancel your sangeet party! That’s ridiculous! Isn’t that where you get your henna done? Definitely have a tlk with your Fiance about this!

Post # 7
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

serious talk time FOR SURE. your Future Mother-In-Law is being ridiculous! and even tho, changing her ways about her cultural/prejudiced views may not happen instantaneously, this is you and your FI’s wedding! she should not dictate this or any other aspect!

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