- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
My fiance and I are having the biggest nightmare planning our wedding.. our wedding is in a month, and we have committed to nothing. I am so sad, depressed and unhappy. I need help before I call off this wedding. Just for a little bit of background, his parents are Hindu and my parents are Buddhist. They agreed after our engagement that we would have 2 ceremonies representing our two different cultures. They basically agreed to have the Buddhist ceremony here and a reception that evening. His dad said that would be the official wedding and we would be legally married here in the U.S., and my fiance would come and live with me. Then a month later, we would go to India, not tell anyone that we were already married and have a wedding over there. Fine, everyone was happy. Not more than a month later, the plans changed and we were going to have all the ceremonies on one wedding date here in the U.S. I got excited again, started planning, my fiance found a place to have the Hindu wedding ceremony here, I was ready to order my invitations, we went shopping for my Indian wedding dress. Literally the day after I went shopping for my Indian wedding dress, his father decided he wanted to have the wedding in India again. That Tuesday, my mom and I were going to meet with the hotel to sign a contract for the reception, and I told her there may be some more changes happening. So that was the beginning of August, and it just gets worse. I have been getting depressed, sad, and crying at work. My mom invites my fiance to my parents house, and tries to find out from him what is going on. The new plan his parents have proposed is for us to have a Buddhist ceremony here, then go to India in a month, get married there and then have 1 joint reception. My fiance will not be coming home with me after my Buddhist ceremony, and we will not be officially married until both ceremonies have been performed. So basically, no reception after my wedding, no husband after my wedding, no honeymoon, and we will have to lie to all of our friends that we are married when we are not. I am not a last minute person, and have a very stressful job. I am a planner, and believe if you don’t plan you plan to fail. The problem is, I can’t make any plans because they keep on changing their mind. Now, if we don’t get married in India under their conditions, we cannot get married because my fiance will not go against his parents. We started going to see a counselor and had been to 3 sessions where she told my fiance that he was being manipulated by his family and his dad, and should not be emotionally blackmailed to do just what they want to do. There are 2 families, and more importantly it is our wedding. I have cried, I have said we are not going to get married, I even told my parents every step of the way how I am feeling. We have been dating for over 5 years, and he is my best friend. I am just sad because I don’t want to be blackmailed and do something just because I love him. I don’t want to resent him for ruining what is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. My wedding date is in exactly a month. I don’t even know if I have time to make it work. I don’t want to talk to him anymore, because he told me he cannot start a fight with his parents, he doesn’t have it in him. If he can’t stand up to them now, will he ever be able to? Maybe he just doesn’t love me as much as I love him. I need to figure this out one way or the other… can someone help me and give me some advice.