(Closed) Interesting Article: Fine Line Between Marriage/Divorce

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Can you relate to some of the feelings the wives expressed in the article?
    Yes. : (22 votes)
    45 %
    No. : (21 votes)
    43 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Please do share!

    Edit: Oh, there it is!

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    16195 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I really hope I never feel that way about my marriage.

    Post # 5
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Thank you for sharing.  I immediately sent this to a girlfriend, who after one year and 3 months of marriage is already talking divorce, much to her husbands displeasure.  Pretty bad when you are already questioning: “Is this all there is? I want more. I want adventure. I want change.”  But it’s nice to know she isn’t alone. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I’ll admit I could identify with this statement, “It’s the grind of the ordinary that drives people into thinking, “Is this all there is? I want more. I want adventure. I want change.”

    I struggled with this in the early stages of committed dating~ the place where the newness wears off and there’s still an out if you want it.  And then I realized, there was not one other human being more compatible with me than this person.  I might have more fun, I might have more romance, or more whatever it was I couldn’t name but thought I was missing, but I would not have what I do have, which is a combination that consistently makes my world a nice place to be. 

    I hope I don’t lose touch with that knowledge over the years to come or that circumstances don’t play out against it, because I value it more than anything right now. 

    ETA:  I recently attended the funeral of my closest friend’s grandfather.  He died a few days before his 60th wedding anniversary.  While hospitalized, he had written his own eulogy and he chronicled his life’s story… when he got to the day of his wedding, he said simply– this was the greatest day of my life.  I was lucky enough to witness 30 years of their marriage and it wasn’t all roses and poetry, but the look in their eyes when they spoke of each other never faded.  (Just wanted to share)

    Post # 8
    Member
    2790 posts
    Sugar bee

    I will say that I think the idea that the happiest women are the ones who have their own activities, their own friends and are allowed to grow outside of the marriage is the absolute truth. I think your marriage is probably doing alright to begin with because he must trust you, have his own activities and friends and be able to entertain himself alone as well. This benefits is so many ways beyond just keeping you or him happy.

    I also think at times there will be challenges that make people think “is this worth it” but just because you think it doesn’t mean you don’t answer the question with “Yes”. People think a lot of flippant thoughts, ones that you would never share with someone else but I think there are going to be times when you have to choose to stay in your marriage. I think it is human nature to get jealous of what we see others in our lives have and we think about what it would be like to have that too but you make a choice to stay in your marriage because you are still generally happy and you still care about your husband. I’ve seen enough marriages fail to know that your marriage should be 60% of your happiness in life and you should be fulfilled by 40% of other things. You cannot assume your husband should be the only person or thing that makes you happy in life. If you find happiness elsewhere in activities or travel or friends it will carry into your marriage and reciprocate in return.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I definitely agree that the happiest people are those with friends outside of the relationship. Every once in a while I see my friends get into relationships where they drop everything and focus only on the guy. It doesn’t work as well as when they keep a life outside of the relationship.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Well this is depressing. I think some of the things in this article are horrible… what is the point of being married if the only way you can tolerate it is to have a “10 year long affair with a hard-bodied lover”?  I think you should do your husband a favor and leave if that’s the case. 

    A couple things in the article were ok, like that the best relationships are the ones where the each individual is allowed to grow seperately and not depending on the other for your happiness.

    Post # 13
    Member
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @MissBoPeep: I agree – I find most of the article to be a bit ridiculous (like the 10 year affair with the lawn care guy in order to be willing to stay in your marriage).

    And the fact that a relationship is better when the two people each maintain their own identities is kind of common sense, IMO.  I don’t need an article to tell me that.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Orgasms. Jewelry. Stability.  I think I might reorder these, but in general, I think this is a good start… add Adventure and Friendship you’ve got the makings of a great relationship!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee

    Completely agree that couples need to have seperate lives outside of the relationship/marriage! I don’t understand how any couple can spend every waking moment together (especially when they’re phoning each other during the work day.. seriously? What do you do when you get home then?). We love each other dearly and love being and hanging out together, but Fiance and I both agree that we need time to ourselves. Be it going out with friends separately, taking small trips, etc. We find it a lot more healthy to our relationship and when we’re together again we have things to chat about! I think this will keep our marriage long and strong!

    Post # 16
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @NJmeetsBX:  Yes!  I didn’t realize I forgot to counter that with… and I still have moments when I feel that way, but I always come back to center.  My center is the belief that nothing I seek would have the potential for longevity that he and I have together.  Does he notice the hot woman at work?  (grrrr) Yes.  Do I notice the hard-body down the street who waters his lawn without a shirt on and makes a point of waving to me and smiling as I walk by pushing a baby stroller…. oh, sorry, I’m back– yes, I notice!  But we went into marriage already having been tested and knowing we were capable of surviving, even improving, as a result.  If something was missing or I was floating happily along the love canal, blissfully unaware of the ability to meet each others’ needs, or fess up when we fell short, and then the reality of a lifetime together hit us… we’d be one of those couples from the article.  Well, I’d like to think I’d be the woman who left and built a life of my own, but for argument’s sake, let’s say I go for the hard body and he bangs the coworker… and we tolerate each other.  It saddens me to think we could end-up there, from where we are now.  I hope there was something missing from the equation for the couples in the article long before time and living changed the landscape (I can’t get the landscaper out my head!! lol)

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